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What kind of drinks?

I never served humans drinks before, so I'm kinda new at that part. What's a good human drink? [ Swerve is very energon or any of the drinks he served his Cybertronian clients isn't human safe. ]

Do you serve Root Beer floats here?

You make beer out of roots. But who am I to argue! But, what kind of roots do you use? Is there something that I'm missing here? There's just soooo many different types of plants with so many different types of roots.

[ He bends down behind his counter, and he digs around to see if he can find that float. Ah hah! He finds a float in the shape of a horse, and he tosses it to Deadpool. ] I'm not sure how you're going to drink that, but as the say goes, each their own!

Goddamn alien robots.

Never mind, I wanted something sweet. Can't fucking get drunk anyway.

What else did you expect? But, I'm more than willing to learn! Oh, forget it! Okay, I'll look it up later and I'll experiment on my human drink making skills later.

[ Now there's a look of pity. Hearing that someone cannot get drunk or corrode their internals is pathetic. ]

You, you, you, can't drunk. I thought you humans loved to get drunk! That's if you're a human. But the whole not being to get drunk is a horrible thing!

You can get root beer literally anywhere, any quicky mart has root beer. I have no idea if they'll sell it to a giant alien robot, but you can try.

Yeah it'd be great if I could get drunk. Healing factor won't let me, it's real sad, can't even get high or anything. Trust me, I've tried. It fuckin' sucks. Hey, doesn't stop me from being loaded up on beer though.

[ Swerve's optics light up as he gets an idea. ]

I could always send you into buy this root beer. [ He really feels bad for Deadpool, and one must try to do his best to make amends. ]

Wooah, then we must go on this quest to the quicky mart for the best root beer money can buy!

Well if you want good root beer we'll have to get it in a fancy glass bottle. See now we have to go to a fancy store and pick up fancy root beer.

Okay, so just point me in the direction of the fancy store! I drive and you do the shopping.

[ Swerve twiddles his thumbs. ]

I just wonder if they would let me go inside. It would do wonders for my research on making drinks for humans.

Can you even fit inside?

I could trying crawling. But I'm a bit wide aren't I?

Yeah buddy. Yeah you are. I don't think the establishment owners would appreciate it. Maybe you should just stick with hanging out outside.

You're right, I would end up making a mess and humans still aren't exactly big fans of ours.

[ If he just can remember that he has an avatar he can use. Oh well, it is one adventure that isn't meant to be. ]

Oh you're from one of those 'humans don't know' universes huh? Well that sucks to be you, too bad you're not G1 or else you'd be getting blow jobs from like, everyone.

[ The poor guy starts to look a bit confused. ] I get why they're not happy with us. I mean we did our best, but I can understand why they're not happy with us giant robots.

We kinda broke the place. [ The whole Decepticon occupation didn't work in anyone's favor. Then there were other things. ] No I think broke is too nice a word. I'd say we trashed the planet.

So yeah, the humans aren't happy with us.

Shit, really? Fuck, man good job. You should be grateful no one fucking blew you up. Or did that happen too?

Why didn't I hear about this? Didn't Marvel and you guys do a run together? I should have been informed.

Now you've lost me. Marvel? I don't quite get it. As for being blown up, I heard we were hunted down like a bunch of diseased turbo foxes.

I'll explain it later.

Good job, jackass. You're lucky the X-Men weren't there or you'd all be dead. We don't take well to giant fucking robots trying to murder us. Bad history.

Hot chocolate is good! Why haven't you served human drinks? Aren't you human up in there?

My clients aren't human. And, of course, I'm not human. [ Swerve taps his head. ] I'm all Cybertronian up there!

I wasn't there, but my boss and a few of his friends were there.

[ Swerve waves his hands in the air, and he's still a bit confused about who all of these people are and things. ]

The thing is, my friends and I, we're the good guys. But, I don't think the humans realized this. You know it was all robots are bad no matter what their intentions were. Those jerks were called Decepticons, and well when we tend to fight, stuff gets trashed pretty quickly.

Well you better start learning how to be careful fatass. Some of us have to live on that planet.

I plan on it! I'd hate to have a really cross Prowl or Ultra Magnus to deal with.

They're anything but a fun bunch to deal with when they're not mad. But man when they get cross...

I'm pretty sure Prowl is more likely to kick the shit out of you than Magnus. Magnus will just talk you to death.

The choice of physical pain or being bored to tears.

[ Swerve lowers his head and he sighs. ]

A bot can't win when faced with those two options.

I'd take the beating. It's over quicker and then you can brag that you got your ass kicked by a badass.

I'm so with you on the beating. It would make for a pretty good story to tell everyone at my bar.

Hey! I did something stupid and Prowl kicked my exhaust! My friends would be awed and repulsed by it at the same time!

Yeah that sounds better. At least a little better than 'And then Magnus talked for three hours'.

...Are you a good robot? Most robots I run into aren't.

[ Swerve cringes when she calls him a robot. ] I'm not a robot. Robots are the guys you program to do stuff; I'm a sentient being from a different planet.

As for being 'good', that depends on who you ask! But, I'm not going to step on you and laugh like a maniac.

I'm sorry! [Did that robot, err, sentient being just cringe? How cute!]

You sound like a good guy! Just stay away from any planetary conquest, alright?

I couldn't stand spending countless hours listening to him talk about the Tyrest Accord.

If I ever feel up to get into deep trouble. I'll be sure to do it within visual range of Prowl.

Believe me, we Autobots want nothing to do with planetary conquest. We'd rather live in peace with the universe instead on conquering it.