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Come again? Really? If you insist.

If the writing thing hadn't panned out for you I think there was a bright, shiny future in stand-up with your fucking name on it.

And the world may never know. You're really tugging on the old heartstrings there.

Don't go getting all wet just yet. Jury's still out on whether or not you're a one trick pony, Moody. When I can stroll into Borders and see my mug between John Lennon and the queer from Nsync, then you can pat yourself on the back or rub one out or indulge in a celebratory hooker. Whatever. My treat.

Don't tell me not to get wet then mention Borders. Guaranteed flood warning. Do tell me, were N'Sync queer before they sung Bi Bi Bi or was that their coming out anthem?

Their first single was a fucking coming out anthem. Period. The extra queer one just had to step out on his own to let the rest of the world know that he'd broken up with the four other homos and was on the market again.

Suddenly I'm relieved to have a satanist as a daughter.

That's...probably funny to someone.

I beg to differ, it's probably funny to nobody. You're right to save your LOLs for those more deserving. I'll take a number instead.

'Fraid you're gonna have to be a little more specific, sweetie. What number were you looking for?

One that leads to fruition, ideally.

[Cell phone #] I'm Elle.

You're a palindrome? Christ, I think you just made me come a little.

I try my best.

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