sixwordstories | (no subject)

Because you're a terrible teacher?

I am not!

We've talked about this. You are, and it's a good thing. Practically part of the mission, remember?

Okay, fine, but the exam is no big deal. A monkey could do it as long as you gave him a number two pencil.

Sure, but your students are humans.

...

Oh, burn.

Hah!

That was funny. And true.

I'd suggest enrolling actual monkeys in your class to motivate them through shame, but I'm pretty sure there were a couple of monkeys in my high school graduating class and that didn't help there.

Perhaps they simply don't care that they're stupid?

A lot of them take pride in it.

...Why?

It's one of those youthful rebellion things.

I am so glad you never decided to be stupid. You were surly enough during puberty.

Well everything was so oily and throbbing.

Well! Now it is less oily and not throbbing!

There's still some throbbing. Pretty frequently. And did you know there was such a thing as adult acne?

I don't get acne. Do you wash your face?

Of course I wash my face. What do you think I do in the bathroom?

...

Shower? Brush your teeth? Use the facilities?

I do those things too.

Maybe it's stress acne.

So what should I do about that?

...Stop being stressed?

Okay. How?

Ahhhh. Well. What stresses you out?

Work. Obviously. The little, stupid things humans do. Ex-girlfriends. The constant lying. The weird need to connect on some mysterious emotional level. The knowledge that everything on this planet could kill me. The speed at which time passes. The feeling that I should have made something...more of "Tommy's" life than I have by now, but not knowing, you know, what.

And when Harry squeezes the toothpaste from the middle of the tube.

...Huh.

Well! We could buy you your own tube of toothpaste?

Great. Then I can stress about other people using my toothpaste.

Dick...I'm feeling a little lost here.

Lost? How so?

My job was: to be the teenager. Now I'm not the teenager anymore. So is my job to be the adult? Sally's the adult. You're the adult. Harry's...okay Harry's Harry, but...I guess I just feel redundant.

Tommmy.

One of the wonderful things about humans is they're so...unique. And while age, certainly, attributes to the identity it isn't all that is there. But, since the age is your concern: You are the young adult, human male in the prime of life.

What if I'm not any good at that?

I don't think you will be.

Gee. Thanks Dick. That makes me feel just great.

...That wasn't what I meant.

I meant: I don't think you will be not good at it.

Oh. Okay, because before it sounded like you think I suck or am going to suck at life.

Not at all.

I think you'll do wonderfully. You have the potential for it, certainly.

Really?

Of course!

Cool.

So, uh, how's Albright?

Oh, Mary.

She is lovely. And wonderful. And I kind of want to make love to her on my desk.

That sounds uncomfortable.

I know! That's why I haven't!

Have you tried under your desk?

...NO! I should do that!

There ya go.

Perfect. Maybe I should bring a blanket. The office carpet isn't very comfortable.