sixwordstories | (no subject)

Missing me already, huh?

If you are a short blonde kid with sticky hands and a speech impediment, then yes.

You promised you wouldn't bring up my speech impediment ever again, but I'll let it slide. I know there is a void in your life when I'm not there. Are you crying right now? Listening to some Cher?

Oh right, sorry about that, I forgot. Ha! I do know cry, or listen to Cher...much. I was watching some stupid Oxygen movie. Major mustaches going on, I was going to call you, but this is easier.

You always cry. I can't watch anything with you without ending up being your human tissue. It's...unpleasant. Mustaches of any kind deserve a phonecall, Foz. Any time, anywhere. Would you like to grow one too? (http://www.americanmustacheinstitute.org/)

I don't always cry! ..I'm not growing a mustache Adia. You may have that power over others, but I refuse to be persuaded into growing one.

Why not? I think you would look sophisticated with one. Suave, debonair! Think of the possibilities!

No. I don't need a stache. Besides, I'm single again and I really doubt the mustache is going to get me any action..hm, perhaps I should grow one..

The mustache would get you all the action you'd ever need. Speaking of action, Bobby doesn't think you'd be able to seduce him. Can you believe how wrong he is?

Why would I wanna seduce him? I mean, obviously I could...but why?

I don't know, why wouldn't you? That wasn't even the point. It was the principle of the thing. Thinking that you would be unable. It's laughable.

So when are you getting your ass out here?

I have my ways. I didn't get that high school award for nothing.

What? Why do I have to go out there. Aren't you coming home soon?

God, I know. You've never let me forget that stupid award. Just because you got "most likely to sleep with a teacher" and I got "most likely to murder a teacher" you act all superior. It means nothing in the real world. Nothing.

I don't know when we're coming home. Charlie really loves it up here. I don't want to rip him away just yet.

It means you are going to be going to jail while the worst I am doing is getting some nookie. Yes, I did just call it that.

But, its so lonely down here. I had Tuesday dinner alone. It was ridiculously depressing.

You only go to jail if you get caught. You know I hate when you use that word, but I have to ask...did you do it all for the nookie?

That's...actually really depressing. Don't make me feel bad for you! It's not something I excel at. I guess it's all the more reason for you to come out here.

Thanks Aladdin. You're only in trouble if you get caught? I did it all for the nookie and the moist loaf cake.

You should feel bad for me. I am the victim here. I can't just go to New York. I have a job.

Aladdin's a hot bitch, I'll take it. Why do you have to say everything possible to annoy/disturb me. You know you just used two of my least favorite words for no apparent reason. I hope you choke on them.

Fine. Stay there, all alone.

That is rude. Perhaps I was telling the truth.

Ok, now maybe I will listen to Cher. Why can't you come home?

I didn't say I hope you choke and die. But some minor suffocation might do you some good.

We just got here! You don't really need us...do you?

Thanks. But I am here all alone. Who would save me?

No. I'll be fine. I'm a grown man, I can deal with a bit of alone time. I don't miss the rabbit yet. That's a good sign.

You could call the fire department?

You've never really acted like a grown man, though. We've never been apart more than a day or so since we met. Separation anxiety is a real issue, Foz. The Rabbit is experiencing it with you, he misses biting you.

And we are back to Jack..are you trying to make me cry. You left during the break up, I don't get to properly get over this without the marathon of Judd Apatow movies and ice cream.

I miss pulling his ears...maybe a small vacation would be nice. How is Charlie? Is he alright without me?

You make it sound like I just up and left while the two of you were screaming at one another in your kitchen. It was spur of the moment, not timed to provide you with the most heartache. It's a damn shame though, I need to watch some 40 Year Old Virgin as soon as possible. We'll get to the grieving process as soon as I get home, okay?

He's doing fine...he does miss you though. He keeps asking me to tell him stories about you and I when we were younger at bedtime. I guess the fluffy bullshit isn't cutting it anymore.

I didn't mean it like that. I know you went to see Martha. Which of course, I support. She helped Charlie big time when he was sick. I just miss you guys is all.

Ha. What have you been telling him?

We miss you too. Or, well, he misses you. I mildly wish for your presence.

Just about college times (don't worry I've kept your whore tales out of it), the day we met, your insane parents and their incredible wealth. You know, the usual.

[Locked]

Hey, I've been meaning to ask you. Do you think...I'm kind of rushing into things? You know, dating someone again. Or potentially starting to date someone again...

Don't lie. You miss me a little bit too.

You are keeping out all the fun stuff. The trouble we got into, the whorish things I did while my parents were away, the small fire we set in their bedroom.

{Locked}
No, I don't think so. I mean, do you think you are ready? I know you are going to be mad I am bringing Harry up again but you kind of started it this time. Are you over him? Are you ready to consider yourself with someone else? If not, then it's just not fair to the potentially dated man involved.

Maybe a little. But it's like the diet coke of missing someone.

You really want me to share these things with your five year old son? The last thing we want is for him to grow up and act like either of us did.

[Locked]

Would it be fair to say I honestly don't know if I am?

Oh jeez, thanks.

You have a point there. We turned out ok though. All things considered. And we only went to mall jail, that hardly counts.

{Locked}

Yes, would it be fair for me to say that you can't keep waiting for him to come back? At some point, you have to move on.

Mall jail was actually pretty fun. All of the mall cops were hilarious to screw with. Which is why I do not understand you not wanting to see Paul Blart with me! It's re-living our past!

[Locked]

I'm not expecting him to, but that doesn't mean I don't want him to. I'm not... I don't even know the extent of my feelings for him at this point. I know I cared about him, and that's really all that mattered at the time. I wasn't looking for anyone when he came around and I'm still not now that he's gone.

I'll go with you when you come back home. There is some incentive for you, we can take Charlie.

{Locked}

I want him to come back too. For you, and for H.C. and you know, he was fun to have around. Fun to tease. If you feel any sort of caring feelings for this new person, I say go for it. You don't experience that often, miss that opportunity because of the past.

Well that's not fair. I want to hop a plane home right away now...

[Locked]

It always freaks me out when you're this supportive. I don't understand it. But...thank you. I guess we'll just see what happens. I just don't want to see it all fall apart.

Stay there. The movie will still be in theaters when you get back. Or we can download it.

{Locked}

Shut up. You know I am here for you no matter what. That is definitely an issue. Especially since Charlie is involved now. Just, take it slow, and above all else, if it doesn't work try to remain friends.

That's illegal, Foz the felon.

[Locked]

On your own terms, yes, I know. Man, you're on a role with this advice tonight. Want to read me my horoscope and tell me whether or not you agree with it?! I can call you!