sixwordstories | (no subject)

Should I ask?

A picture.

Oh. *nods* I've... thrown a couple of those out in my day.

I should throw this one away, but it's... It shouldn't be this hard. It's pathetic, that's what it is.

Maybe you should just set it aside for now. If you're not ready to let go fully, but you don't want to deal with it. Just tuck it away in a place you won't go looking.

Easier said than done with this particular picture. I... seem to be looking at it every other minute if I don't watch myself.

*softly* Sometimes it's all right to hold onto things a little while.

They died in November. It's foolish to still be looking at the picture when it's almost March.

Foolish, maybe. But human? Normal? Completely. Don't worry about it, everyone grieves at different rates.

My ~~new~~ boss and a few others had to force me to take off work after it happened, and even then I wore ruts into my apartment floor pacing. I can work fine, or could after a couple days, but I can't let go of a damn picture.

How pathetic is that?

I'm sorry. I must sound like a basketcase, rambling on.

Edited 2009-02-18 09:14 (UTC)

*shakes her head* You don't. It's fine and really quite healthy to vent about things like this. And it's healthy to want to hold on to some little memory of the person you lost.

It's not pathetic. And I'll keep listening if you want to keep talking.

You'd think I'd just talk to Jonathan about this. He's my... God, I can't even describe all the things he is to me. But, for purposes of this conversation, he's my therapist. And a good friend. But, you'd think I'd just talk to him about it. I should, probably. It just seems like such a silly thing to bother him with, and I can't bother H-- a friend of mine. Definitely not.

If it's troubling you this much, it's probably not a silly thing. It might not be a bad idea to get his take on it.

I think... It's partly because this picture was taken maybe fifteen minutes before... Well, what you could say was the beginning of the end of the world.

That sounds melodramatic, doesn't it? Sorry. It just... It sort of feels like that's what it became.

Don't apologize. Your feelings are valid. And in my opinion... it's not melodramatic.

*has been through some fairly apocalyptic stuff herself, or will go through it, depending on where she is in her canon - so she understands*

I suppose that something that ends with three massive explosions can warrant a melodramatic description?

Yes, that is a bit of a smile peeking through.

*nods* You're free to be as melodramatic as you like.

Know the funny thing about the end of the world?

*tilts her head* What?

Few days later? It's business as usual for everyone else, like it never happened.

An' you're wondering why nobody else realizes it was the end.

Nods, perhaps a bit enthusiastically.

Especially when it's the damn district attorney who was blown up and yet everyone is back to their daily routine and it's like no one even fucking cares.

Stops herself, taking a few breaths in, fighting tears.

Damn. Sorry. It's... still sort of a sore spot. Sorry.

*now... Dakota's not the greatest with emotional outbursts. But this? She understands*

Don't. Apologize. It's really, really okay for you to feel like you do. It must be really hard to see everyone returning to normal when you feel like there's no such thing. It's probably a defense mechanism for them, to be honest... doesn't make it right, but, it's very possible they are still grieving in their own more quiet ways.

It doesn't seem fair.

Harvey and Rachel were the best things in this city, and everyone just... acts like everything's fine now. Like getting a new DA, having one first appointed then electing one, makes everything okay again.

It doesn't work like that.

*nods* It ... probably isn't fair. People can't be replaced, and anyone who thinks it's that simple isn't thinking at all.

Life isn't fair, and I know that. God, do I know that. It's just... so frustrating. I still find myself telling people I work for Harvey, talking about him like he's still the DA.

Those kinds of changes are hard to make. It's all right if you slip up a bit. I... *shakes her head* I've talked about people like they're still around, too. It's not unusual.

It's... With Harvey, it's... Complicated. That's the only word for it.

*nods*

The most important things usually are.