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I think just living when one shouldn't seems like a fairytale sometimes...a sick, demented fairytale.

That's what's bothering me. I was raised, I am, a decent catholic and now I'm facing living forever.

It's not so much the living forever thing, but the living. What's the point, you just have to watch the people around you die. Sorry bout the being raised Catholic thing though...that sucks. I'm Jewish...but I gotta tell ya, it isn't much better.

Yeah, that's sort of what's getting to me. My brother. My nephews. My... Caitlin, whatever she is. I'm going to outlive them all... no matter what.

Yea, everyone I love is already dead. I feel your pain. If they are still alive though, make every moment matter, no matter how short. It's only memories that you'll have when everyone is gone.

Yeah, that's the part that's hitting me today. The reality of what it means to be immortal.

Only sometimes? Meaning sometimes it seems like reality?

When I wake up from dying, yeah.

Right.

And uh, you do this a lot, do you? The dying thing?

More than I want to. I know, it sounds insane.

Well, no, not insane...

OK, yeah, it does. But not completely as I've known people to be brought back from the dead. Somehow I suspect this isn't what you're meaning though. I'm guessing your 'returns' aren't exactly 'medically assisted', right?

Not exactly, no. More like evolutionarily assisted. Is that even a word?

*laughs* 'Tis now! It just... evolved.

*studies him for a moment*

So, you're saying you can't die? Permanently? As in 'ashes to ashes, dust to dust'?

I think I can. I just don't age. And I've lived through a nuclear explosion.

*blinks*

Damn. If that didn't kill you then what makes you think you can??

I figure something has to. The nuclear... it was part of me too.

Right. *is trying not to look totally confused*

And, I know this probably sounds really stupid, but ... did it hurt? Does it hurt?

Oh, I'm sure if you work hard enough it can become reality. smirks

... Go away.

When I'm good and ready to I will.

What do you want, Elle?

pouts You really have to ask?

Call it the masochist in me. What. Do. You. Want?

You, Peter.

Not going to happen. Get over it.

Sorry, sweetheart. You can't have him. This one's mine.

Why?

I was raised to believe in the afterlife, an eternity with God. Not coming back each and every time I die. Man wasn't made to resurrect.

"I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believes in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: And whosoever lives and believes in me shall never die."

Sorry to interrupt, but I thought that might make you feel a little better.

But I won't die. Not for long. I don't think God meant for that to happen.

It does help though. Maybe. I'm usually okay with it but today it's just... scary.

I think "shall never die" covers that one, Mister. John probably didn't mean it quite so literally but... you never know. God works in mysterious ways.

Is today a special day?

Today's no different than yesterday. Other than I went to Mass this morning.

That makes it different. It's a shame you leave Church feeling worse instead of better.

It's not usually like that. Just dealing with my life now.

Welcome to my world.

Does it? Fairy tales are usually a lot more gruesome. And, all things considered, that's saying a lot.

Have a beer.

I'm sorry my dying time and again, watching nearly everyone I love die, and having another I care for left to die time and again until he clawed his way out of a grave isn't gruesome enough for you. Shall I mention the brain eating sociopath?

Oh, that part sucks, especially the grave digging out of. I hate that. Messy business, and dirt gets everywhere. But watching people age and die--sad as it is--isn't exactly gruesome. It always hurts, but eventually you learn to appreciate the lives they live, how very much they pack into their lives, the beauty they bring...you learn to celebrate even in the grief, the fact that they lived, and you remember them, always. Someone once told me that the Native Americans have a belief that as long as someone is alive who remembers a person, that person never truly dies. They get their immortality in your memory, cherished forever. Eventually--you learn the beauty of that, of carrying them lightly in your heart. It will take a century or two, but if you can figure it out faster, you will be better for it.

...The brain eating sociopath, I will allow, is a bit on the gruesome side.

I don't think I can figure that out when I have to go on without Nathan. I don't know how I do it now, when he's just across town. He's been my life since the day I was born, I'm not sure how I can do it.

You will grieve. And you will hurt. It's part of life. But you find something else to live for, to fight for, to keep you going. A quest for knowledge. A drive for justice. Curiosity about what comes next, where humankind will go. Travel, see the world, experience new things. Find companions who are like you, make them your family, if you must. It isn't easy, no, but it can be done. You have to focus on the beauty, the brilliance, the magic of getting this chance to see things others never will. Accept the grief, but don't focus on it. Especially not on the fear of it, waiting for it, letting it taint the precious time you do have.

He's my life. I mean, I guess I always knew he'd go first, he's older and all, but not like this. Not with him aging and this being me forever.

I know two others like me. One is my niece, the other a dear friend. He and I, we'll go on together and Claire with us, if she'll go. But it's just intimidating. It sounds so cool in theory, you know? Then you think about it.

Making a mortal your life is never....wise. Scratch that. Making another person your life, mortal or immortal, is never wise. Even we, eventually, can be killed. You have to live for yourself, live for something as eternal as you are, something they can see and hold on to as well. It's not fair to the person you put that on anymore than it is to you.

It's cool in fact, as well, though I recommend not thinking about it overly long. It can give you headaches or moments of fantastic emo-ness.

He's my brother. I made him my life before I knew what brother meant. Ever since I was a little thing, clinging to his leg and trying to keep him from going out to play without me.

I've been told I'm good with emo. Too good.

Then find a new life. Love him, hold him close to you, cherish every single moment you can spend with him, but find something else to make your life before it destroys both of you and twists back on you.

I can see that just from this post.

Maybe. He has another life. I think. He had a wife and boys but the... she left. He's working on getting his boys back now. I have... Caitlin. And Adam. But I'm worried I'll do it to them as well.

What, make them your life?

Yeah.

Then you're faced with the same problem of watching your life end when theirs do, yes? So, not smart.