My wife took me to church, sir. I have heard every sermon before. The problem with this "accepting Jesus" bit is that I have to be truly sorry for my so-called "sins" and not ever do them again, and since my life and my livelihood depends upon continuing in my ways...
"I'm not your dear anything, sir. You asked a question; I merely provided the sort of response that you probably want to hear. As for my baptism, that is a matter of some uncertainty. My mother is Italian and my father was Irish, so it is of great probability that both of them were raised in the Roman Catholic faith. My father was something of an atheist, so it is unlikely in the extreme that he would have pushed for my sister and me to be baptized. My mother, being an opera singer and therefore quite superstitious, may have done such a thing, but I have not asked her. The past is a rather sensitive subject for her."
You feel sin? My, but that must be uncomfortable for you.
Let's see! *pulls out a checklist*
Wrath-- yes, done that Pride-- oh, absolutely Gluttony-- on occasion Lust-- HA Sloth-- I lounge around poolside all the time Greed-- I do love making money Envy-- ...actually, I might not be guilty of this one. I have everything I want.
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Not happening.
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"Perhaps."
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"Have you been baptized, my dear sister?"
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"I'm not your dear anything, sir. You asked a question; I merely provided the sort of response that you probably want to hear. As for my baptism, that is a matter of some uncertainty. My mother is Italian and my father was Irish, so it is of great probability that both of them were raised in the Roman Catholic faith. My father was something of an atheist, so it is unlikely in the extreme that he would have pushed for my sister and me to be baptized. My mother, being an opera singer and therefore quite superstitious, may have done such a thing, but I have not asked her. The past is a rather sensitive subject for her."
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Were you raised a Catholic, brother?
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No, I wasn't.
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Oh, you are a grave sinner; I can feel it in the marrow of my bones! Oh!
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Let's see! *pulls out a checklist*
Wrath-- yes, done that
Pride-- oh, absolutely
Gluttony-- on occasion
Lust-- HA
Sloth-- I lounge around poolside all the time
Greed-- I do love making money
Envy-- ...actually, I might not be guilty of this one. I have everything I want.
Six out of seven-- not so bad, eh?
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Are we not all sinners? Have we not all fallen short of the glory of God?
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But there are those of us who have been saved, who have accepted the blood! Would you like to be saved, brother?
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*moves closer, his eyes glittering as he hisses and bares his fangs*
Church does not want me anymore, so I reckon I do not want it.
*takes a step toward him, but then backs away, averting his eyes from the crucifix around the man's neck*
*growl*
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Sinner..? And that is?
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It’s a rhetorical question.
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Thank you, brother.
Perhaps you will come to my church this Sunday, the Church of the Third Revelation? Just follow the new road.
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