sixwordstories | (no subject)

They're gonna get you.

Shes planning somein', I know she is. I gave her a bath this mornin' shes so gonna get me in my sleep I think!

Maybe you were right all along, maybe my cats really are evil.

You're gonna lay down tonight, close your eyes and she's gonna sit on your face and smother you.

I'm gonna need some sort of protection!

I think maybe you should take my cat in for questioning detective. I'm pretty sure she murdered a mouse a few days back.

Lock the door.

Oh no, I don't deal with demon possessed animals.

If I lock her out I'll never hear the end of her. Seriously our neighbors have complained about it!

And here I thought you were my knight in shining armor, turns out you're just another big fat dud.

Have you thought about puttin' a muzzle on it?

*Looks down at his stomach.* I'm not fat. Look, I'll give ya the numbers of a young priest an' an old priest. . .

Do they even make cat muzzles?

*crosses her arms and tries to hide a laugh* Yeah well you won't protect me so ya might as well just be another fat donut grazer! I don't think any pastor can save me at this point! I think my unholy demon children are just gonna have to get it over with.

They should.

I'm out there protectin' you from real evil like murders and rapists. The priest cast out demons, like what your cat is.

I think cats have to itty bitty of noses for a muzzle.

Touche, I'd rather have you out protecting the streets from that kinda stuff then casting demons outta my cats. If she wasn't being odd I'd try and defend her again, usually boys at least have to meet my cats before they decide they're evil.

A burlap sack?

Why thank you, I'm glad to see my efforts aren't goin' to waste. I'm not gonna meet your cat, I'm profilin' your cat. Based on statistical data your cat is evil. Just the facts, ma'am.

Ya keep potatoes in burlap sacks, not cats!

Aww come on Don, ya can't tell me that this (http://i25.tinypic.com/15nrn1d.jpg) ain't cute (http://i32.tinypic.com/2rpwjkn.jpg)? Not everyone is evil all the time, everybodies gotta dark side. But that don't mean they can't be good too. Facts or no facts!

And babies.

They all look ready to strike and kill. That's not cute, that's a predator posing as a house cat.

Can't wait to see what kinda father you become some day, puttin' your babies in burlap sacks. *Giggles a little.*

With the way ya go on about cats you woulda thought your face had been torn off by one.

I'll never lose 'em, that's for sure.

I had a rough experience with a cat when I was little.

Cats are wrathful little buggers.

Yes yes they are, and I think shes still miffed about getting a bath earlier.

Might as well start putting your affairs in order. Every time my roommate's cat gets a bath, everything left on the floor gets shredded. Including feet/ankles/anyone who decided it'd be nice to nap on the carpet.

I had a feeling it would come to this! But she was so scruffy I couldn't not do it.

She usually has a habit of hiding after shes been washed, shes not like my other one who also has a habit of ripping things up until her bloodlust is satisfied. But shes being weirdly friendly, I think shes up to something.

That's why I dislike cats. At least dogs are up-front with their intentions.

I gotta dog too, but my cats sorta kick his butt on a regular basis, which is the funniest thing ever considering his a big ol' pitbull. More like a big ol' pansy rather then pitbull though.

Poor dog. I'm not sure I could put up with myself if I let a cat do that to me.

He manages pretty well, and he better, I do all this work provin' they ain't bad dogs, if he went and messed it up, I'd have ta ground his sorry butt.