sixwordstories | (no subject)

... don't suppose your name would be Ben, would it?

Ben? No, no, my name is of no consequence, sir.

Tell me, do you have children?

I don't see how that's any of your business, not Ben.

Ah, I see.

Well, if you do not wish to protect your children, I will be on my way.

I ain't got no kids. Got it?

~~Keep tellin' yourself he ain't yours, James. Maybe eventually you'll believe it.~~

I see.

Good for you, sir, who needs the pesky things, messing up your evenings and whatnot. You have indeed made a wise choice in not having children, there is all sorts of evil preying on the youth of our community.

Yeah, and I have a shady sorta feelin' that you're one of 'em.

Absolutely not, sir, and I take offense at the implications of that statement! I am simply a man trying to spread the message of the evils of marijuana!

*snort* Well didn't mean to ruffle your fur there, MacGruff.

Aaaand, unfortunately, I can't say I agree all that much with your message. It ain't like I recommend it for kids or nothin', but hell, I tried it back in the day. Just kinda preferred keepin' my head clear was all.

Ah. *straightens jacket* You're one of them. The 'devil-may-care' adults who do not care what happens to America's youth. Their blood is on your hands, sir, as much as those who sell the accursed drug.

Well, they gotta learn some stuff the hard way. Tellin' a kid not to do somethin' is the same as tellin' 'em to go ahead and do it. You can say it 'til you're blue in the face, but it don't mean they ain't gonna.

Regardless, we must remain ever vigilant against the horrors of marijuana! If we were to just...'learn the hard way' as you propose, why, there would be terror in the streets! Massive orgies, murders, chaos!

Do you want that on your head sir?

In order:

Yes.
Depends on who.
Too late, bub.

And it ain't on my head. I'm on an island in the middle of nowhere.

It is on the head of every man, woman, or child who does not actively fight the spread of that most vile of drugs!

You may as well kill the children yourself!

(ooc: I love you so much right now. <3)

(ooc: *grins* thank you! I'm afraid I simply cannot resist Alan Cumming.)

And when it's not, create some fear and exploit it anyway, no doubt.

Oh no, madame, there is always danger lurking on the horizon.

*arches a brow* You make my point for me.

*bows* I'm glad to see we're of similar view points, madame.

Who's fear?

Parent's fear, of course.

What?

Nothing, nothing my dear child.

Tell me, are your parents about? I feel I must speak with them immediately.

Uhhhh, why do you need to talk to my parents?

Because, child, someone must warn them.

Warn them about what?

The dangers of the vile evils trying to corrupt and murder you.

...

*puts his head in his hands and just laughs and laughs and laughs*

*arches brow* You find the subject of mari-huana laughable, young sir?

(misspelled on purpose)

*bursts into uncontrollable peals of laughter. That would be a yes, good sir.*

*gasps theatrically*

You're one of them!

*laughs so hard he CRIES, clutching his stomach and gasping for air!*

There's still time! You can still be saved! Get high on God, young man, not reefer!

*wheezes, wiping tears from his eyes and trying to remember how to breathe*

Oh honey, I have it on very good authority that God is so down with the ganja.

*gasps again* Blasphemy! Oh, you poor soul, you'll be dead before long, and then where will you be?

I'll tell you.

Dead.

But I hear Hell is one big party!

*shakes head sadly*

There is no hope for you. I only pray that you pass on before you infect others.

Are you saying you hope I die? *LAUGHS*

Oh no, dear child, never that.

Simply that you are going to die, due to your addiction to that most horrible of substances. Therefore, I hope it is before you pass on your...disease to others.

*snorts*

I totally just smoked a big-ass bowl. You'd better skedaddle before ~~someone drops a house on you!~~ you catch the fumes.

*puts hands on hips*

Your poor parents...I'm going to recommend you be locked up, young sir. It's for your own good, you know, as all as the good of the community.

Protip: My parents are dead.

It was the reefer.

*tsks his tongue* Poor child, you really cannot be blamed for what's happened to you. Can you not see the error of your ways, falling into the same vice that killed your parents? Oh, your story will make a good one to scare...I mean warn! Warn, yes, warn the good townsfolk of America, though for your sake, I wish it didn't have to end so tragically.

I can't. I'm a lost little lamb and can't be blamed for my actions!

That, sir, seems to be how most governments operate.

Oh no, madame, never the government. Uncle Sam is our friend!

I'm British. And unpatriotic.

And, in my experience, governments seem to operate on a basis of shady dealings, half-accepted lies, and comforting half-truths.

OOC: *is having a fun crossover moment between The Lecturer and Stephen Colbert*