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Try not to turn anyone into a pillar of salt.

Me? Never.

That's not my style, anyway.

Vegas is rubbish. Gone to the dogs, that place has. Used to be this glorious, filthy paradise for sin and vice. Gone are the gangsters and the junkies and the fun. Instead you get magic shows and all-you-can-eat buffets. You know what Vegas is now? Family bloody friendly.

Oh dear. And you would know, wouldn't you?

Someplace tropical, then.

Yes. Not that I've ever had to work there specifically, mind you, but I've been there often enough.

Try the Philippines. I recommend Mindanao. Fun to be had there and no mistake.

I'll definitely consider it.

...perhaps I'll finally learn to surf.

That's certainly one option there. Most of the tourists always go to Manila, but there's so much more to see elsewhere. Davao is lovely this time of year, I believe.

I've always loved the sea. And honestly, a vacation is long overdue I think.

Of course. Although this is assuming you don't mind the occasional bit of gunfire ~~or explosion~~.

I always take my breaks in Italy, but that's just me.

I don't think I've had a holiday since before the Great War.

Oh, but that just adds to the excitement. Besides I still haven't completely decided yet.

Perhaps I'll go pygmy hunting in the Amazon.

I had to take one directly after that. Goodness, but I was busy. Nearly ran myself ragged.

Never tried pygmy hunting myself. How long are you planning to take off?

A sort of indefinite leave. I've gotten into this nasty habit of hurling my aides out of the window of my office, and I think that's as good a sign as any that a change is needed.

Besides, I don't have much to do until the End of Days, anyway.

Oh, my. You have an office? I've never been one for that sort of thing. Far too stuffy for my tastes. I like to think of myself as more hands on. Although I do think airborne aides are certainly an indicator.

Perhaps you ought to think of taking up some sort of hobby?

Hilarious, isn't it? And the funny thing is that no-one seems remotely bothered about it. Except for the recent one. He seems to have finally cottoned on.

Well I suppose carpentry. I could build a catapult and fling them out of the window instead of simply throwing them.

Or you could keep doing it this way and start measuring your distance? It would be like shot put, only more interesting for spectators, I'm sure.

Oh, no, no.

We're all dreadful stoic up here, you know. With very few exceptions. Sometimes I wonder if Azrael and I are the only ones with anything remotely resembling a sense of humor.

Dear me, someone has actually put their finger on the problem! It's one of the reasons why I left, you know. Or at least, one of the reasons I'm glad I did, now that I look back on it.

Tell you what, damned we may be, but you can expect a right ol' giggle down here, dearie. Not in the least because we do have all the funny humans.

And I didn't get smote! Mock gasp.

That sounds almost like you've put your recruiter cap on, Mephistophilis. Am I going to be given that whole spiel about how the damned have more fun ecetera.

...because I'm almost inclined to listen, you know.

Edited 2008-03-28 17:07 (UTC)

Well, I don't blame you, really. Heaven's a bore and I'm baffled about your reasoning as to why you've stayed, considering that Paradise is sitting around all day in You-Know-Who's presence singing hosannas and essentially blowing heavenly smoke up the Divine Arse forever. After all, we are the ones that came up with everything that distracts from God which is - gasp - yes, practically everything. Or at the very least, everything fun. And you can't get a decent drink in Heaven anyway, can you?

I wasn't lying about the laughing, by the way. Have you ever seen what happens when you put Oscar Wilde and Mark Twain in too close proximity?

... I'm sorry. But you brought the spiel on yourself, you really did. Now excuse me while the cap comes off. Really does muss my hair.

Well, if I did leave could you imagine who they'd bring in to replace me as Divine Vengeance? That is assuming they don't just let Michael have free reign.

Which is, let's admit, going to be painful for all parties involed.

And about the drinking? Why do you think I'm always sneaking off to Purgatory? The atmosphere?

Laughs. I can only imagine.

Though you do look so cute in it!

Oh dear, you may be right. But I was just going to say that, down here, you can give the wanker sign to Michael, Gabriel or any other various angel of your choice in relative safety. And Himself, come to that. In fact, one's very presence down here is essentially giving the wanker sign to the lot of them. It's delightful.

Please. We're equipped much better drink-wise than Purgatory And it's cocktail night every Tuesday, you know.

I don't think I'm really a hat person. Maybe if it came in a different color...

And I daresay my little habit will probably be better recieved, hmm? Might even catch on.

I'll think about it.

Glad to hear it.

And just remember that while you seem to be reduced to flinging aides out of your window for amusement and can look forward to quite a lot more of that until The End, I'm never bored.

Well I'll drop in at some point later and we can discuss the numerous benefits of me signing on.

I'll really give you an opportunity to convince me.

If you're going for the tables, Atlantic City or Monaco are much better.

Honestly it was just the first place that popped into my head. Haven't been to Monaco in awhile, though.

I like Monaco, far fewer ordinary tourists, just the rich and famous, plus you've got the Med to look out on, and wonderful French cuisine.

Sounds glamourous.

I see this is going to take a lot more consideration on my part. Although I've been dying to learn to surf for ages.

It is, I guess.

Can't really help you there, although I know they do a lot of wind and kite surfing in Crete.

No worries, I'm sure I'll be able to find someone brave enough to try.

Thanks, though.

Not a problem. I hear it's a lot of fun.

You're welcome. *grins*

So have I. Nods.

Besides there's something almost spiritual about the sea.

Yeah, there is...until you get caught in a storm and have your ship smashed against the rocks.

Which is why I learnt to swim early on.

Me too!

Probably the first and only sensible thing I've ever done!

But then, it's early days.

In my case it was get thrown into a lake. If you make it to shore you can swim, if not you learnt how to drown.

That reminds me eerily of a childhood experience I had once. Only it involved a ledge.

That sounds painful. I may regret this, but..a ledge?

Oh, it would've been if I hadn't wisened up pretty quickly. I ducked at the last minute you see, and my brother -- I forget which one it was -- lost his bearings and fell down instead.

...That's a rough family. And I thought my childhood was tough. But what were you doing jumping off ledges?