sixwordstories | (no subject)

Was it in the first place?

At one point it was everything.

It always seemed overrated to me.

I was one girl, the only.

No one is ever the only.

For Slayers, there used to be.

One does one's duty, that's all.

A lot do my duty now.

I do feel somewhat redundant myself.

I don't know, if there's one thing I kinda took away from the whole thing, it's that we changed it all. Maybe it doesn't matter what we do now, 'cause we've been replaced, or there's more than enough of us to carry on.

But once upon a time, there was only us. And we were enough. That's gotta count for something, right?

We can hope so. at least. We both gave up so much - but at least it was for something that mattered. So many people give up their chances for nothing, as part of some kind of infantile "rebellion". *deep breath,*

I, I - do you ever sometimes wonder if it might feel the same had one married and had a family? We have ... have provided our replacements. Whatever we do now, it will all ... go on. We can, (er) remove ourselves to the sidelines and that is, is appropriate, the natural order of things.

No, I suppose not. I can't think what put that into my head.

You are right, of course. We stood alone against the forces of evil and we were enough, we did stand - and that should, perhaps, be enough to (er) reward us.

Sometimes I can't believe you gave up so much and no one ever came to you and told you you had to. You just... did. And then me, I'm all Chosen for it and I couldn't have fought harder against it, could I? (The whole infantile rebellion part, that's about Faith, right?)

I won't lie, I do feel cheated. Just a little. And really, really lonely sometimes. It makes me feel guilty to wonder if it would be so bad to hand off the baton so to speak now that there's so many more people out there than just the Scoobs, fighting the good fight, and I don't know, settle down? Get married? Maybe have kids? At some point, after making it this far, don't we deserve that small degree of normalcy? But then... we were chosen for this, right? We're supposed to give our lives for it. Not just the amount of time it takes to line up heirs.

Maybe that's just all that duty talk you finally got worked into my head talking. I don't even know anymore. No matter what I do, I still feel like I'm sitting on the sidelines.

We did do good, Giles. Whatever we do after this, I guess the course isn't meant to be any clearer than it was then.

Oh, they came to me and told me that I had to.

I, I must have been about eight when I was playing at being a fighter pilot. Small boys did that, in my youth. When my father told me that he "wanted to talk to me, man to man" I thought it was a matter of telling me not to run shouting "Vrrrrooom" while he wanted to read. Then he explained to me that my life's course was, was effectively already mapped out for me. I had been selected to be the one sent to be a Watcher. My mother showed me how to pack, shortly afterward, and I was sent to the school...

Many Slayers are reared for the roles in the same way, of course. I, I can't think how Faith slipped through the net. She should never have been left to the kind of socialization that she underwent.

*Giles' face is flushing along the cheekbones. He is trying not to remember the name, "Ripper".*

Many people do rebel in their teens, of course. One can only hope to evade the, the worst of the consequences...

Historically there has never been the need to establish any kind of ... of de-conditioning process for Slayers. Natural attrition simply ... some retired Watchers do marry, of course. It is equally a duty to continue the Watcher families.

Chosen for what? Could make a lot of difference. Are we talking about being dragged out to be shot or who has to do the dishes?

I slay vampires. It used to be that only one girl was chosen to do it. 'Till she died, and then someone else was chosen, and it just kept going like that. Then the biggest, baddest of them all came out to play and we had to make all the potentially chosens actually chosen, and well, I'm just kinda not the only one anymore. It shouldn't matter, I know. But sometimes, it just makes me feel kinda non-important. It's stupid, I know.

Vampires? I thought my life swas fricken weird.

Maybe it shouldn't matter, but I can understand how it does. You're born (made?) for something. It can sorta mess you up if you don't have to do it any more. No one likes feeling like they might have no place in the world any more.

Hey. . .that was sort of deep of me. I think I need to lay down.

What's so weird about your life?

How did you know that? That's almost exactly how it feels. Like... like there's no place for me anymore. It has kinda messed me up, I guess.

So you're not that deep all the time?

What isn't weird. Okay, no vampires. But I've got dog-men and bat-kids and and one of my fellow COs is a lizard-man with a fixation on cigars. And we all live in a condemned biohazard site. Good times.

I know how it feels because that's what happened to me. We were soldiers. Built, born and raised. It was what I did, what I was, and how I thought. And then suddenly . . .we were free. No focus, and no purpose but survival. And certainly no place for us.

I am deep almost all the time. I'm also a giant smart ass. Almost all the time.

Uh... so, you're like a demon hunter or something? A demon hunter who lives on a biohazard site?

That's the thing about freedom, I guess. You spend all your time just wanting a normal life and to be free from your responsibility, your duty. And then suddenly, you are. And you don't know what to do with all your newfound freedom. 'Cause before, your life had purpose. And now? Well, now your life has potential. You just gotta figure out what to do with it.

So almost all the time you're a deeply giant smart ass? Huh.

Not a demon hunter, though I bet it's one hell of a rush. I'm a transgenic. Government built super-soldier. The dog-man and the bat-kids are the good guys. Still working on effectivly talking with the bat-kids though. We live in the biohazard site because it doesn't posion us and no one has the balls to follow us in.

The potential was kinda frightening. Just a littel mind you. And the freedom can make you a little drunk. I spent nearly a year rolling in the freedom, trying to escape what I'd been.

And the question is what am I when I'm not a deeply giant smart ass (smart aleck).

It's still a pretty big deal to me.

'Cause you were never just the one.