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(no subject)

[Saw something he shouldn't have] Fuck...!

Oh?

I'm lost! [Said like it's Thursday for him] I gotta find mah way back to New Orleans, my New Orleans!

And you trust me to help you? How do you know I won't take you to somewhere nice and private so I can have my lunch undisturbed?

Because I trust you. [THIS IS COMPLETELY SINCERE...] Yew wouldn't jus' eat a guy jus' becuz he's all alone witchu.

Wouldn' be sportsmanlike and yew Brits have that goin' for ya.

One, I'm not really British. Alien, remember?

Two, I'm always hungry. Always. Which is a pretty good reason, yeah?

And three, I'm mentally ill. For all you know I might kill you because I think it's a headache remedy.

Yew got th' accent, yer British in mah eyes.

True but I did promise ya a heapin' helpin' of zombies if we got to mah world.

And tha' there's bullshit becuz killin' only begets more headaches. [Points to corpse] Yew kill som'one, yew get chased down and th' vicious cycles jus' carries on.

I think you'd taste better than they would.

No, those are problems. The headaches are caused by loud noises in my brain that go away when I kill things.

Strange, yer th' third person t' say that.

[taps the Master's head lightly with his Shotgun]

Oh yes? And who were the first two?

My ~~fuckbuddy~~ frien Nick and a Hunter.

Well then, I suppose I'll have to try you now.

[cuts himself because...El's incredibly altruistic to the point of borderline stupidity]

*. . . food? Food!

*Hope you don't mind being grabbed, pinned down, and rather messily devoured.*

[SHOTGUN BLAST] I SAID TASTE YEW LI'L ASSWIPE!

[OW, BLEEDING HARD...DYING!]

Remin' me ne'er to offer mah blood t' anyone again!

No, actually, you didn't. You just assumed it was all I'd do.

When you assume you make and ass of you and me, remember?

*He licks blood off his lips and grins.* Don't worry, you'll live. It was only two or three bites.

...[Glare]

Will yew still lead me back home? [He doesn't quit, now does he?]

*Apparently not*

I'm not the kind of person you want as a guide. It's much too tempting to lead you right into the oven.

Shit... [Patching himself up]

I'm ne'er goin' home.

I suggest you see if you can find the Doctor. He's an old friend of mine, and he's much saner.

Oh no, he's batshit too...tried t' startle a damn Witch.

Still saner than me! And he has a time machine.

[DID YA SAY "TIEM MACHINE"?]

*Yup!*

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