sixwordstories | (no subject)

Oh. Are you sure about that?

What I'm already doing isn't working anymore. If anything, it's making me look back and feel like I'm just... wasting my time. Wasting my potential, if I even have any.

... I don't want to be sad forever...

If it's not working out for you, then, that's okay to change it. It's your decision. Plus, you're never wasting any potential.

Well, don't be sad. It's a lot easier said than done.

[Her fingers brush against her wrists in little shapes and patterns. She doesn't realize she's doing it, really. It's just something that she does.] It's definitely easier said than done. I mean, maybe it's just me but being happy -- really happy -- is pretty fucking hard.

Trust me. It is very difficult to be truly happy. [She frowns slightly while thinking about her own problems.] Feeling sad is bad enough, but feeling indifferent about existing... [She exhales deeply.] is worse.

[She shoots her a look -- a sort of sad smile. She understands completely.] Tell me about it.

Yeah. Glad to know someone can relate, for once. [Poor Cass. She found out that without her father's ability, her mother would have stayed dead a long time ago. Therefore, she wouldn't exist. Second, she has to deal with her newly discovered immortality, trying to keep it as a secret. Third, she's starting to like a guy, who probably would not like her back. So she believes.]

...so, how do you deal?

By working, studying, reading... whatever keeps me occupied.

I guess we have similar methods... mine are just a little less normal. Instead of working, studying, and reading, I'm into... drinking, casual sex, and shopping.

Loses it's charm after awhile

Hmm. Well, whatever works for you, I guess.

Is that what you want to do?

... don't know what else to do.

Why did you get off it in the first place, hon?

Felt like I was becoming a zombie. They tell you all these things you can't do anymore, and... I just let that paranoia get the best of me. I was positive that it was slowly killing me. Physically, emotionally, and spiritually...

[A beat; she frowns.] It sounds stupid, doesn't it?

Actually, it doesn't sound stupid at all. It sounds like they gave you the wrong medications. When they deal with mental health problems it's always a guessing game. You have to be the one to decide if it's wrong for you. If it's doing what the doctor wants it to, that doesn't matter, it's your reaction and your feelings that get put into play most often. And he doesn't see you everyday, so he can't be the judge of what it's doing to you.

[She shakes her head.] No, no... it's worse than that, really. Even more ridiculous. I didn't even give the medication they gave me time to work. They started reading off the side-effects to me, and I just... that's all I could think about.

After about a week, I chucked them in the trash.

All right, what you need to do is not read the side effects. You should try them at least for longer then. It'd be worth a shot, right?

[She laughs weakly, burying her face against the bed.] Yeah, I know... I seem to get myself into a lot of trouble once I let my paranoia trip me up.

Well, punkin, perhaps we can give it a shot. I'll help you out. I'll be there for you.