sixwordstories | (no subject)

*walks up, hugs her* Waking up are we?

*blinks a little* Not really, no. I'm just so bloody tired of hurting... And as much fun as it is to be a diversion for others, I think I need to just give up. I want things I... will never have.

...someone who loved you would never have made you be that in the first place.

that's hardly fair. Sometimes one does what one feels one must. He felt he had a duty to uphold, so he has done. *shrugs* We all do what feel we must in the end. This is just where my "must" comes into play.

*smiles* Still protecting him... *leaning down* It's okay to call him an ass. I will. Repeatedly.

*shrugs* I can't help defending him, Severus. The man has had at least half of my heart since I was 15... *looks up at him* He is an ass. He's a spoiled, arrogant, self-gratifying, lying pain in the arse. But it doesn't change how I feel about him.

See doesn't that feel a little better? You should talk to Ginny. Maybe between the two of you, you can kill him. *holds up a hand before she can object* It's just an idea...

No, it doesn't, not really... *shrugs again* I feel like he tore out my heart, Severus. I don't want him dead. I want him back. And I know that's futile and stupid and... *shakes her head* Even Frank can't fully comfort me this time... he told me I was nothing... he was saying it to hurt me, but he said it... and I think I died a little.

There should be potions for broken hearts... what I SHOULD do is tie him to a chair and pour veritaserum down his throat until he stops lying to himself and everyone around him about his feelings.

Not that it would change anything. I'm simply babbling. Feel free to ignore me. I don't mean to make you uncomfortable.

*still hugging her, as he listens* Why would he try to hurt you? *swallows and arches a brow, releasing her just long enough to Accio a bottle of Brandy* ...this is the potion for broken hearts. I won't be able to join you first round, I'm grounded...but it'll work. *looking at her at the veritaserum comment* ...why don't we?

Because he thinks it's better for everyone? Because he knows that Narcissa will make his life hell? Because... because I'm a silly girl who always hoped for more... because I hurt him first this time. *takes the Brandy and laughs softly* Nothing like alcohol to make the world right again... *uncaps it and unceremoniously takes several mouthfuls, swallowing them down*

No... he'd never forgive me, and maybe I don't want to know the truth. Maybe it would hurt worse. *presses her cheek against his chest, without really thinking about it* Maybe he hates me because I didn't protect his child, Severus. *looks up, ashamed* I was pregnant, when they came... and it was his. I didn't tell him until a few days ago... and now look at what those few days has done. I should have just learned to shut my stupid mouth. I'm better off a silent shell of a person, I think.

*stroking her hair, resting his chin on her head, and closes his eyes, swallowing hard* ...Alice, I'm sorry. I didn't know. No...no. *hugs her tighter* Alice, don't ever say silence is best. I lost Lily to silence...to never saying how much I loved her. How much I would have done...to save her. Don't ever regret the truth...it blazes and burns and those like Luci and me, we can...never we aren't use the brightness but that doesn't mean for a moment we don't want it...no matter how painful. I'm so sorry... *rocks her for a second*

But I think you are on to something. We're so use to his defenses...maybe he needs to have his world shaken. It would help him rebuild.

*makes a small sound of contentment at his stroking her hair* No one knew... I mean, Frank and I knew I was pregnant, of course. But I'm the only one who knew it was Luci's. *presses tighter agaisnt him, letting herself relax a little* It's just so much harder, dealing with the aftermath of saying things... *softly* He may want the brightness, but he doesn't want me. He's made it painfully clear this time. If I was foolish enough to not see it before, his telling me I was nothing brought the message home loud and clear. *looks up at him, a little tearfully* Tell me I'm wrong, that there's something I'm just not seeing in this situation.

I have no idea how to even begin to shake his world... beyond the veritaserum idea, I mean.

*still holding her, rocks quietly* I don't think he knows what he wants. We get so caught up in our devices and lies...we have no idea how to realize what is ours. *blinks, looking at her* ...Alice... *swallows and looks loathed to do so but he speaks anyways* Lucius is a Death Eater. He lives in a world where love is a weakness, and weaknesses are a favorite form of amusement to my kind. Narcissa is a Black, with several devoted family members. They could have destroyed you even more then they did.

He may have well wanted you whole and living, hating him then loving your memory. We're selfish men, us Slytherins.

*blinks* ...I think I will take the veritaserum to heart. You can't be the only one who wants to know

*closes her eyes, holding him tight* Severus? I've never thought for a second he wasn't a Death Eater... I know WHY he does the things he does, it simply hurts me beyond measure when he turns against me. And do you really think they could have destroyed me further? For my own sake, and for Neville's, there are many days that I wish they'd finished the job they'd started.

Merlin, there are days I hate the Slytherin side to you both. It drives me mad. I wish I could pluck it out for those of us foolish enough to love you... *sighs*

*nods* If you wish. *drinks more Brandy, quickly*

*softly* ...you're here. Even if you're not there for us... you're here. You're living. *frowns, staring at her* What a terrible thing to wish for your son. Your here. *a little harsher then he meant* He can hold you. Even if you didn't recognize him, he knew you. Saw your face...touched your hands. Harry never got that chance. ...I never got the chance...oh Alice, you shouldn't wish for death. *eyes shut* ...I wouldn't be me without my Darkness, Ms. Longbottom. Neither would he.

*eyeing the Brandy* ...drink a double for me.

*nods* I understand the sentiment, Severus. But I see the way Frank and I are as torture for our son. At least with death, he would have mourned us and moved on. Instead, he's been bound to this idea of the people we were and had the harsh reality of who we are now thrust at him again and again. *presses her forehead against his collarbone softly* I think each has it's disadvantages... and each is preferable in ways. It's a matter of perspectives, I guess. If I had the other option thrust at me, I'd likely abhor it as well. *touches his cheek softly with her fingertips* This is true. You wouldn't be Severus, and he wouldn't be Lucius, just as I wouldn't be me without my being infuriatingly hopeful and high strung.

*does just that, laughing a little* This is likely dangerous, you know... Alice drunk... hmm