sixwordstories | (no subject)

No.

Yes.

People who can't keep their big noses out of other people's business deserve whatever poundings they get.

I'm a film critic. What I do is part of the business. Reviewing a film is not, by any means, an invasion of privacy.

You tell yourself whatever you have to to sleep at night. Just don't come crying when it gets you your butt kicked.

I was just making a general statement. I really don't get where the bitter attitude is coming from here. But I really don't think having other people flame you or try to denounce you for giving a certain movie a good or bad review constitutes getting your butt kicked.

I'm a super-villain. Bitter's my thing. And I just ain't crazy about your face.

So you go ahead and think that, Critic-boy.

You're no prize yourself. I'm not a pretty boy by any means. Nothing a little airbrushing can't fix here.

Okay, maybe I will. Glad we had this talk.

Yeah. Sure. Tuck your tail between your legs and run away. I don't mind at all, old man.

Oh yeah. Keep up the condescending dog analogies. Ever been bitten by a balding critic?

I've been bitten by better things, I can tell you that. Ever had your face smashed in by a pissed off mutant that don't like you?

Stranger things have happened.

That oughta go to show you something.

Who watches the watchman?

Where are you going with that question?

Just food for thought, that's all. Not that you have complaints from me, my dear.

Look no offense, but being cryptic doesn't automatically equal food for thought. At least not very substantial food anyway. Just say what you mean. That's how I feel.

*sighs softly* Try a little art in a statement and get accused of being cryptic.

'Who watches the watchmen?' is a classic statement about the dilemma of any policing group. The watchmen watch everyone else, but who watches to make sure they are behaving?

Critics fall into a similar category. Hence the statement.

Well, my wife definitely makes sure I behave, but I don't really need anyone to make sure my integrity stays untapped.

You might indeed. The problem is that while it may be true of one, it is not likely to be true of all.

Hence critics receiving criticism.

If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen.

You misunderstand. That's not my problem. Part of the job of being a critic of any medium is you have to be able to take it if you're going to dish it out. I'm not complaining or protesting anything. I'm just saying it.

I was just saying too. I mean, it's kind of like ordering a coffee and going "Wow, this coffee is hot."

Yeah, and then you shrug it off and continue drinking it. Honestly, some people that order coffee are just making conversation, or they're talking to themselves I suppose.

It is a tragedy. Even those of us who merely gently point out to a friend that their actions concerning a courtship are utterly foolish are spoken to rather harshly.

It stings, really.

[All said very airily, while buttering and then taking a bite of a muffin.]

*Accordingly begins daintily stirring sugar into his teacup with a small spoon*

Ah yes, well everybody is, after all, a critic.
*Takes a slow sip*

But really I'm referring to people who doubt my mental facilities solely on the basis of which films I either praised or poo-pooed. A bit rash and..."uncouth", wouldn't you say?

Well, there are some critics who do not have a bit of sense and "enjoy" only those plays that are frightfully dull which are supposed to represent the mundane life that humanity leads, and I am afraid they are rather.. lacking.

But not knowing where you stand on certain plays, I am afraid that I could not begin to offer an opinion as to your qualifications.

*setting down the teacup and resuming his regular voice*
Well good. Let's keep it that way for now, for both our sakes.