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Becausssssse.....

[Thinking, thinking...And oh dear god how hard is he trying NOT to touch...anything. IT MUST BE TOUCHED.]

They were out of Ghostbusters?

[You must resist the urge to touch! It's VINTAGE.]

That's no excuse! [He's going to pout. Which looks even more comical than usual, were that possible.]

[BUT CHESTER MUST TOUCH EVERYTHING. It's how he Experiences The Worldddd.

How about the wig. That's okay to touch, right? Too late because he's already doing it. Like he expects it to bite him or something.]

Ghostbusters or Pirate? They're both classics, you can't go wrong. It's not like you ended up with a go go dancer costume or anything, although. It's happened before.

[Poke poke; I hope you're not attached to your personal space, Ted.]

I didn't know these came in anything other than white.

[W-why are you petting his fake hair?! He's not a dog! ... Oh, bother. No he's not at all attached to his personal space because by this point he's signed it entirely over to you. Would you like his soul on the side? 50% off this week only.]

But this isn't a pirate! [You clearly don't know anything, Chester. And Ted... probably knows too much.] It's... a gentleman of the court.

[Pause pause.] Wait. How would you know where to buy go go dancer costumes?

[Nah, souls are murder on the maid. Too much hassle to keep clean. He'll just take your space and glom all over it some more. You have air, Ted, be content with that.]

...What, like...a courtesan? [Get him to say that word stone cold sober. I dare you.]

[shruggg]

I know lots of guys, Ted. All kinds of guys. Guys that can get you any damn thing you want.

[So absurdly proud of this.]

"Laundry...day?"

"But this isn't even my laundry!" [Whine whine.]

Well...it could be considerably worse; it could be in lavender. Or fuscia.

Are you certain someone is not playing a magical prank on you? *peers*

"M-magical?!" Have a stare, because clearly, that was the most important thing of all that was said. "Are you bonkers?"

You're so young. [He refrains from head patting.]

Yes, I probably am, but that is entirely beside the point. [He snaps his thumb and conjures a small flame for it, lighting a passing lady's cigarette.]

What.just.happened. There was fire. Without a match. Or a lighter.

"Erm. How did you--?"

You combine the right words, gestures, thoughts, and a focused will, and voila, the Bugs Bunny Trick comes to life. [He does it again.]

You know, you'd look almost distinguished without the frilly hat and wig.

Bonjour, mon ami! Ah, I feel zat you are very well-dressed. [You got an almost smile from Captaine Chevalle.]

Becausssssse.....

[Thinking, thinking...And oh dear god how hard is he trying NOT to touch...anything. IT MUST BE TOUCHED.]

They were out of Ghostbusters?

[You must resist the urge to touch! It's VINTAGE.]

That's no excuse! [He's going to pout. Which looks even more comical than usual, were that possible.]

[BUT CHESTER MUST TOUCH EVERYTHING. It's how he Experiences The Worldddd.

How about the wig. That's okay to touch, right? Too late because he's already doing it. Like he expects it to bite him or something.]

Ghostbusters or Pirate? They're both classics, you can't go wrong. It's not like you ended up with a go go dancer costume or anything, although. It's happened before.

[Poke poke; I hope you're not attached to your personal space, Ted.]

I didn't know these came in anything other than white.

[W-why are you petting his fake hair?! He's not a dog! ... Oh, bother. No he's not at all attached to his personal space because by this point he's signed it entirely over to you. Would you like his soul on the side? 50% off this week only.]

But this isn't a pirate! [You clearly don't know anything, Chester. And Ted... probably knows too much.] It's... a gentleman of the court.

[Pause pause.] Wait. How would you know where to buy go go dancer costumes?

[Nah, souls are murder on the maid. Too much hassle to keep clean. He'll just take your space and glom all over it some more. You have air, Ted, be content with that.]

...What, like...a courtesan? [Get him to say that word stone cold sober. I dare you.]

[shruggg]

I know lots of guys, Ted. All kinds of guys. Guys that can get you any damn thing you want.

[So absurdly proud of this.]

"Laundry...day?"

"But this isn't even my laundry!" [Whine whine.]

Well...it could be considerably worse; it could be in lavender. Or fuscia.

Are you certain someone is not playing a magical prank on you? *peers*

"M-magical?!" Have a stare, because clearly, that was the most important thing of all that was said. "Are you bonkers?"

You're so young. [He refrains from head patting.]

Yes, I probably am, but that is entirely beside the point. [He snaps his thumb and conjures a small flame for it, lighting a passing lady's cigarette.]

What.just.happened. There was fire. Without a match. Or a lighter.

"Erm. How did you--?"

You combine the right words, gestures, thoughts, and a focused will, and voila, the Bugs Bunny Trick comes to life. [He does it again.]

You know, you'd look almost distinguished without the frilly hat and wig.

Bonjour, mon ami! Ah, I feel zat you are very well-dressed. [You got an almost smile from Captaine Chevalle.]