Mentally. Emotionally. I'd say physically, but every time I do that, the person I'm talking to feels the need to tell me "pretty" or that I have an "amazing body" and then I feel awkward because I suck at accepting compliments of any kind.
Mentally... emotionally. Yeah, I can relate there. I find burying my emotional trauma in rauccous parties and short-term relationships at least makes me appear to be super-fun and happy. Surprising how willing people are to buy that.
... and that's pretty much me exactly up until earlier this year. Less short-term relationships, more one night stands — I was trying really hard not to get emotionally attached to anyone.
I seem to get attached to the wrong people. The first real group of friends I ever had were future alcoholics and drug addicts. Hell, one of them ended up in rehab and I'm not even sure where the rest are. Probably still partyin' it up on their parents' credit cards and I mean that as literal as possible. I'm lucky I was too much of a wimp to get talked into half the shit they did.
The wrench in my plans and I have been dating off and on for the last seven months. He's not so bad, but he's not the happiest person in the world and I apparently need constant reassurance.
Heh, the funny thing is I used to have it really together- considering the crap that happened to me as a kid, that was really something. Brigade XO at West Point, damn well on my way to a real career in the Army.
Til they kicked me out. Because I was caught kissing a girl. I mean, I could re-enlist now, but... fuck them. They don't get to say I'm not worthy, then change their minds, and wait for me to come back begging for a second chance. [It is possible Kate has been drinking. Or is at least acting as if she's been drinking. Gotta keep up that party girl appearance and all.]
Oddly, confidence isn't really something I've ever lacked. That much I still have together. Sometimes a little too much- if I could figure out how to lend you some, I would.
The parties lost their interest for me after awhile. I guess I wasn't a party girl after all. Just another role I've played that I didn't quite fit, you know?
[She forces a smile, extending her hand to the girl.] I'm Coco, by the way. I might as well introduce myself if I insist on unloading all my baggage on you.
Last night I just... couldn't turn off my brain and suddenly I'm so aware of all these things about me that I hate and that I don't know how I can possibly fix.
Mentally. Emotionally. I'd say physically, but every time I do that, the person I'm talking to feels the need to tell me "pretty" or that I have an "amazing body" and then I feel awkward because I suck at accepting compliments of any kind.
Mentally... emotionally. Yeah, I can relate there. I find burying my emotional trauma in rauccous parties and short-term relationships at least makes me appear to be super-fun and happy. Surprising how willing people are to buy that.
... and that's pretty much me exactly up until earlier this year. Less short-term relationships, more one night stands — I was trying really hard not to get emotionally attached to anyone.
I seem to get attached to the wrong people. The first real group of friends I ever had were future alcoholics and drug addicts. Hell, one of them ended up in rehab and I'm not even sure where the rest are. Probably still partyin' it up on their parents' credit cards and I mean that as literal as possible. I'm lucky I was too much of a wimp to get talked into half the shit they did.
The wrench in my plans and I have been dating off and on for the last seven months. He's not so bad, but he's not the happiest person in the world and I apparently need constant reassurance.
Heh, the funny thing is I used to have it really together- considering the crap that happened to me as a kid, that was really something. Brigade XO at West Point, damn well on my way to a real career in the Army.
Til they kicked me out. Because I was caught kissing a girl. I mean, I could re-enlist now, but... fuck them. They don't get to say I'm not worthy, then change their minds, and wait for me to come back begging for a second chance. [It is possible Kate has been drinking. Or is at least acting as if she's been drinking. Gotta keep up that party girl appearance and all.]
Oddly, confidence isn't really something I've ever lacked. That much I still have together. Sometimes a little too much- if I could figure out how to lend you some, I would.
The parties lost their interest for me after awhile. I guess I wasn't a party girl after all. Just another role I've played that I didn't quite fit, you know?
[She forces a smile, extending her hand to the girl.] I'm Coco, by the way. I might as well introduce myself if I insist on unloading all my baggage on you.
Last night I just... couldn't turn off my brain and suddenly I'm so aware of all these things about me that I hate and that I don't know how I can possibly fix.
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PS. I didn't succeed.
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But now there's someone... we're not even on our second date and I'm utterly amazed by her. Which kind of throws a wrench into the plans, I guess.
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The wrench in my plans and I have been dating off and on for the last seven months. He's not so bad, but he's not the happiest person in the world and I apparently need constant reassurance.
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Til they kicked me out. Because I was caught kissing a girl. I mean, I could re-enlist now, but... fuck them. They don't get to say I'm not worthy, then change their minds, and wait for me to come back begging for a second chance. [It is possible Kate has been drinking. Or is at least acting as if she's been drinking. Gotta keep up that party girl appearance and all.]
Oddly, confidence isn't really something I've ever lacked. That much I still have together. Sometimes a little too much- if I could figure out how to lend you some, I would.
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[She forces a smile, extending her hand to the girl.] I'm Coco, by the way. I might as well introduce myself if I insist on unloading all my baggage on you.
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[She shakes her hand] Kate.
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It's lovely to meet you, Kate.
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PS. I didn't succeed.
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But now there's someone... we're not even on our second date and I'm utterly amazed by her. Which kind of throws a wrench into the plans, I guess.
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The wrench in my plans and I have been dating off and on for the last seven months. He's not so bad, but he's not the happiest person in the world and I apparently need constant reassurance.
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Til they kicked me out. Because I was caught kissing a girl. I mean, I could re-enlist now, but... fuck them. They don't get to say I'm not worthy, then change their minds, and wait for me to come back begging for a second chance. [It is possible Kate has been drinking. Or is at least acting as if she's been drinking. Gotta keep up that party girl appearance and all.]
Oddly, confidence isn't really something I've ever lacked. That much I still have together. Sometimes a little too much- if I could figure out how to lend you some, I would.
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[She forces a smile, extending her hand to the girl.] I'm Coco, by the way. I might as well introduce myself if I insist on unloading all my baggage on you.
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[She shakes her hand] Kate.
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It's lovely to meet you, Kate.
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