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I think that's usually said by men who don't have anything else worth measuring...

And I say, m'lady, you've been hanging around the duds. Ride Brian Fantana's faithful steed and take in his sweet but powerful essence...there's no going back!

I see. No doubt, at the very least, that sweet but powerful essence certainly makes things easier on whatever lucky girl's doing the riding, mein herr.

Fantana ranch is all about satisfaction and happy trails.

It's wonderful to know you can take care of a girl like that. So rare to find these days.

I'm just a sign o' the times, mysterious lady.

Sally Bowles, liebling. And you are?

Brian Lovin'-those-Foreign-Terms-of-Endearment Fantana. *winks*

*smiles* A pleasure to meet you, Brian. I can call you Brian, can't I? Or would you prefer Mister Fantana?

Mr. Fantana was apparently my father. Call me Brian, sweetcheeks.

It certainly says a lot about someone.

Cologne is like some kind of fine wine. You can never over-do it and it's gotta be...well...fine!

And I don't mean liquor store fine.

I've been complimented on my choice of cologne several times.

There's hope for you yet, my man!

Not to mention that if I buy something that Michiru doesn't like, it gets thrown out almost immediately.

Chuckles.

Feisty Asian, huh? You dog!

She's wonderful.

*giggles* An' I'm guessin' you got th'nice stuff?

Only the best, Smurfette.

I'm sure, luv.

*processes* Smurfette? *laughs uncontrollably* Really?

...What's wrong with that?

Ain't nothin'. I think s'a cute nickname is all. Caught me off-guard.

*sticks out a hand, still grinning* I'm Kat, but y'can keep callin' me Smurfette iffen ya like. *winks*

*takes the hand and kisses it making sure the moustache gets a touch. Chicks dig the 'stache.* Brian Fantana. I know a lotta Kat's already, so we'll stick with Smurfette.

*giggles as his moustache tickles her* Nice ta meetcha, Brian.

I take it yer pretty smooth wit'th'ladies then? *waggles her eyebrows, trying not to laugh*

*smirks* That's the word out on the street and I can say it rings true, mamasita.

I prefer the measuring tape.

That's easy to get wrapped up in.

Only if you're very, very clumsy.

Limber like a spider-monkey or clumsy like those animals on the funny videos, Fantana makes little-to-no discriminations.

Unfortunately for you, Maddie is pretty selective.

Very selective.

It's good to have standards.

It's good to have high standards.

(And even if I didn't, anyway, you know Father would.)

Very good.

(Yeah, I couldn't help but notice he's pretty protective of you.)

Hey, ese, you mind letting the lady and I have our adult talk?

Adult talking was going on? I must have missed it.

But the way, man, you might want to take a shower, you smell like a troll.

How about you go back to kindergarten, Buster?

Nice try, but a troll would smell more like Classic Abbey, not London Gentleman. Sounds like someone doesn't know their colognes.

DID YOU DIE?

No. *frown* Haven't you been watching the news? Or Intercourse Island for that matter?

The only news I watch is my own show. Otherwise it's not news. Sorry. (Not really) What the hell is Intercourse Island?

OOC: ZOMG I've so missed Brian!

It's fine. I didn't even know you had a show. I bet it gets a lot of ratings in the Projects and the Jails since they're the only ones that get a lame channel like that.

Uh, only the best thing on television since The Love Boat. Oh. And the news.

Mine. Not yours.

ooc: ME TOO.

Uh, no. You totally knew I had a show. That's how we bonded and went to Mexico and... nevermind. Are you taking drugs? Because your brain has gone missing.

And here I was about to say A Nice Thing with you being away and all. Whatever, beaverface.

Doesn't ring any bells. Hey, Brian Fantana has stayed clean in the public eye since they threatened to take him to a non-celebrity rehabilitation center!

Bullshit! Beartesticles.

It's in your journal that's as dead as you are! Yeah, clean in the public eye. Where's your hidden dope?

You sir, are a horrible man.

Stop saying I'm dead! It's creeping me out. Like I'd tell you where my hidden dope is.

Which I don't have.

You so do. Tell me where it is or I call the feds!

You, my good sir, are made of awesome.

Actually I'd be a ma'am. But you know ;) I do my best.