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I'll talk about anything but cleavage, which I know nothing about.

No, it's not my cleavage. Even though that is pretty amazing too. I more meant my relationship with Mike. I'm totally going to take out the McKinley prize for longest, functional relationship.

No offence, but you and Kurt hooked up after us.

Why do girls always tell guys their boobs are good? I don't walk around to girls saying my balls are good. I don't get it.

I didn't realise there was a competition. But seeing as the challenge is laid, I didn't cheat to hook up with Kurt :P So, no smug gloating, missy.

I'm only saying since you brought them up! I don't actually go out of my way to make announcements about them. But hey, I'm glad your balls are good. Kurt's a lucky boy.

Of course there is! But it's more with the straight side of McKinley and maybe Santana and Brittany... Oh no you didn't! That's a low blow, mister.

I did not bring your boobs up. You did. I don't know if they are, but he hasn't complained and they're equal proportion, so that's a start. Can you imagine having one bigger than the other?

McKinley goes over my head. I so did, and you were the one gloating about being the best. And Kurt and me have been a whole year in seven days. We're about quality, not quantity.

You so did bring my boobs up by saying that you weren't going to talk about boobs. I can't imagine having balls to begin with. I just like playing with Mike's. They are nice though...

It goes over my head and it's been my school since the beginning. It's true though! Okay, so best straight couple. Can we do agree on that and stop fighting? And what are you saying? Are you saying that me and Mike aren't quality?

I don't know you. :p

I said cleavage and generalised. You brought up your boobs. I'm gay, I don't know about boobs! Balls are awesome! I like balls. Balls... LOL.

I wasn't fighting, I was debating. I happen to think a year for my first relationship is spectacular, and so is my boyfriend. Dat ass. Mmm... Anyway, um. What were we talking about? No, I'm saying that just because Kurt and me haven't been together as long as you guys, doesn't mean we're less than.

YES YOU DO! YOU CAN'T HIDE! YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME!

Because I have cleavage! I was bringing personal knowledge to the generalisation. Yeah, but you should know about what looks good on them just like Kurt does. Seriously, he's like the best fashion guru even without boobs. How old are you?

Debating enthusiastically then. And it is, Blaine. Really. It's a pretty cool milestone to have under your belt. I'm happy for you two. Kurt got lucky with you.

I CAN SO HIDE, RANDOM STRANGER THAT FOLLOWED ME ONTO THE INTERNETZ. GTFO, PERSON I SERIOUSLY DON'T KNOW WITH PANTS THAT DON'T EVEN REACH HIS ANKLES.

Don't they get in the way? I like nipples, if that helps? No, I gay fail there. I know when girls look pretty, but I don't always know why. I don't even get my own fashion right a lot of the time, according to Gay Yoda. I'm eighteen. Oldest junior EVER. Who still likes balls.

I got lucky with Kurt. I get lucky with Kurt a lot these days :D But thanks, Tina. And I know I was teasing, but you and Mike are awesomeness. Tike and Klaine FTW.

YOU HAVE IT WRONG! THEY GO WAY BEYOND MY ANKLES! WHY DO YOU THINK I'M A ROLLER?! LOVE MEEEEEEEEE!

No, mine aren't planet sized. Just a nice size that stay out of the way just enough to get things done and not make jogging a pain. How did you even get your Gay Card? Did you seduce the Gay Powers That Be into giving you one? You just can't help saying that word now can you?

Totes, we rock it hardcore. In our separate bedrooms with our respective partners. And all the others be jealous of our mad skills.

DON'T LIE, YOU CAN'T EVEN BLAME IT ON A LACK OF OXYGEN TO YOUR HEAD SHORTY. THEY SO DO NOT REACH YOUR ANKLES I HAVE EYES. I KNOW THESE THINGS! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!!!!!!! NO MATTER HOW CUTE YOUR PUPPY EYES ARE.

Don't bras hurt? They look like the most awkward thing since football cups and getting a condom to stay put the first few times. Well, I kissed a boy and I liked it, which is a good start. And I really love Madonna and Lady Gaga, that gives me points. Oh, and I own rainbow toe socks! Nope. Balls are just the best ever.

The thing is, though, I don't get how it's so hard. It's never been hard for Kurt and me. Well, not metaphorically hard... ahem.

IT'S NOT MY FAULT I HAVE TO SHOP IN THE KIDS SECTION! I'M KIDDING BUT STILL LOL! IMMA MAKE YOU LOVE ME!!!!!!!!!!!! BLACKMAIL WITH COOKIES!

Only if you get the wrong one. They're alright when you have perfect Asian breasts like I do. Apparently all bra manufacturers enjoy making them for the cup sizes that don't actually need a bra. Have you had to wear a football cup often? Madonna before she was scary buff lady, right? Have you seen those thigh muscles in that Hung Up clip? They gave me nightmares. That's a gay thing? I thought it was a dork thing? Well, I do kinda have to agree. But more from a fondling perspective and not an ownership perspective.

You are hopeless. I'm not going to get anything sensible out of you today. But to focus on the point of that comment, no I don't know what's so hard about it either. Only I guess if there's no chemistry there then it shouldn't be forced. There's no point staying together.

YOUR AMAZINGLY DELICIOUS AND TEMPTING COOKIES HAVE NO POWER OVER ME!!!! THEY'RE DEMON COOKIES FROM THE LAND OF TINY KIDDY CLOTHES WEARING DEMONS... WHO MIGHT BE ABLE TO TEMPT ME IF A HUG COMES WITH THE COOKIES.

No, please. TMI. I love you, but I don't want to think about that. I love football, I've played a bit at Dalton but I'm shit loads smaller than the other players. Let me clarify... I like Madonna's music Still gay over here, remember? I don't really look at her body. Rainbows are supposed to be gay, so I figured it should get me some gay points. I'm not allowed to wear them though. We have something common \o/

I didn't mean that one. I can be sensible. I'm not even going to lie... I do not understand the dynamic of some the couples around us. I look at some of the things they're doing, and I would never do it to Kurt.

THEY EVEN HAVE SPRINKLES!!! OMG I LOVE HUGS!

I still don't get the short jokes. I mean, I do, but I don't. You're not that short. It's not like you're a munchkin. Your pants just make you seem shorter because they're not tailored around the ankles properly. I know Kurt thinks they fit your ass right ;) Is he also the one that stops you wearing the toe socks?

Yeah, me either. It's why I just get so confused over whether or not me and Mike are doing things right, but hey - we're still together. We're stronger than ever. Just like you and Kurt. So clearly we're right and they're all wrong.

I LIKE SPRINKLES... YAY HUGS FTW!!! LET'S GET OUR HUG ON YO.

Gloating is unbecoming, darling.

As if you've never gloated over anything.

I don't gloat. I celebrate my opinion.

And that's different how?

Gloat is with the intent to annoy others. I just couldn't care what others think.

I'm not looking to annoy others. It's not why I'm gloating. That's because you're amazing. Or should I say fabulous?

What's the excitement?

As long as you're not about to tell me you're engaged too, gloat away.