sixwordstories | (no subject)

[Offering a friendly smile to the clearly distressed stranger.]

Need some help?

Oh, I need so much help, you wouldn't believe. They locked me out. Again.

[She gives her house the stink eye before turning to the nice stranger and smiles at said stranger.]

Thanks for offering. I don't supposed you're used to dealing with ghosts, are you?

[Lily's eyes go wide.]

Nope. Can't say that I am. But I am good at sneaking in and out of houses. So maybe I can help that way?

[Ghosts. Ghosts are cool and Lily's curious about how this'll end.]

Maybe they'll let you in. They just seem to be cross with me for some reason today.

[She sticks her tongue out at the house.]

They're not exactly the very friendly sort.

[Lily starts towards the house, head held high, trying to look brave. Halfway there, she turns back, one nagging question in her mind.]

Unfriendly how?

They once drop-kicked an intruder over the fence. Well, if you can call it a drop-kick. The guy made a nice arch before he landed. He needed to work on that part, though.

[She frowns, thinking it over. Yeah, he'd definitely needed to work on the landing.]

Uh-huh...yeah. I'd say that's plenty unfriendly. So, um, you mind letting them know I'm not an intruder? Being drop kicked over a fence by a ghost is pretty low on my list of things I would like to happen to me today.

They've locked me out of my home. What makes you think they'll listen to me? I'm the one who ocassionally gets thrown down the stairs when they feel like playing.

[She rakes a hand through her hair and turns to her house.]

This isn't funny! I'm half a second away from asking for a priest!

[The front door flaps open and, just as quickly, slams shut again. WOnderful.]

You get thrown down the stairs? By ghosts? Wow. That...sounds like not much fun. You really should call that priest, see if he can help. But, you know, you'd probably be better off just...fighting them yourself or something. If you can fight ghosts...

[She shrugs helplessly.]

They get bad moods sometimes. There's not much I can do about that. But I'm never badly hurt. Never even broke an arm.

Oh. But. Ugh. No offense, but that kinda sucks. At least you've never broken anything, though!

[She tries to sound cheerful at this last bit, but honestly no broken bones doesn't sound like much of a plus when living with ghosts who throw you down the stairs.]

On the other side, they're the best security system ever. Burglars don't stand a chance.

Sounds like it. So, you have a ghost security system? That's...awesome. Minus the whole being thrown down stairs thing. To bad you can't just...train them.

They respond really poorly to clickers and treats. That's how dogs are trained, right? The man who delivers my groceries told me that once.

[Lily shrugs.]

No idea. Never had a dog.

But, could you just ask them? Politely? Do ghosts even really talk? Or maybe offer them special ghost treats? If those exist, of course. Not so sure they do, though. You could make a fortune though, if you figured it out and could sell them. I'm sure other people with haunted houses would totally want some.

[She laughs cheerfully.]

I could ask, some of them do talk, but they're just not ever in the mood of listening to me. The best I can hope for is distracting them.

How do you distract a ghost? I always thought they were...set on whatever it is they wanted. All chain rattley and moany and..."where's my golden arm", you know?