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The meaning of what?

Humanity. I fail to understand some of it. [This was an aggravating puzzle on her part, then again, she was often angry at many things.]

What don't you understand? [Selene started to walk.] Walk with me, let's talk.

[After a moment of regarding her carefully, she finally joined her.]

Why cling to it? I have heard a small number of individuals and do not understand why they think love or these other weak emotions should be so prized. Everyone lectures about humanity and it is very aggravating. [Frowns.]

We hunt Lycan because of how inhumane they are. They hunt and kill without any regard for life or the mess they make. If we lose our humanity, have no need for love or friendship, we are what they are.

They are murderous beasts is what they are. [She stopped walking and looked at her. She had been a fool for wanting to help them before.] Disloyal traitors are no better.

That is not what he teaches, my brother and that idiotic boy would agree with you though. [She was confused again.] He said love has no place for us in a world of violence. I understand the need for comrades and loyalty but the rest is confusing, what others say is different from them. [All she ever felt was anger, hatred, confusion as to how to handle the rest and finally frustration when she could not be like the others.]

Why do you value love and friendship, aside from the sake of your humanity?

Edited 2012-05-05 15:37 (UTC)

Because without it I am utterly alone and that, my friend, is a feeling far worse than anger or pain. Loneliness. Imagine a thousand years with no one to call friend?

What a sad existence for an immortal.

Why? Friends or loved ones, they will either die or turn on you in the end. Immortality does not stop that. One will likely be alone in the end regardless. How do you stop that other then avoid it altogether again?

My imagination does not stretch that far anymore, I am not even a hundred yet. You have these sorts of friends that drive your loneliness away?

Sadness has a tendency to toughen you up as you age, or so I am told.

It doesn't toughen you up, darling, it makes you cold. Like stone.

There is no way to stop it. None of us, not even the strongest of immortals, are granted tomorrow. I can be killed as can you.

Live the life you have been given.

I hope so, that is my goal.

I am aware, I have seen it firsthand. I am prepared for that. [Death was simply a fact of life to her after watching others die.] Would you stop it if you could?

I live mine as I am duty-bound too and plan to continue doing so when I am no longer suspended. How do you live yours then?

[Selene took her by the arms, her hands cupping her upper arms and really looked at the girl.]

No, I wouldn't stop it. It makes the relationships we choose to have all that more important. Because they can be lost.

Why don't you come and stay with me a while and you can see how I live my life? What I do. How I run both this Coven and our companies. That I keep friends and loved ones.

[She brushed a hair from the girls face and sighed.] It breaks my heart to see someone so beautiful, with so much potential, so much life to live ready to throw it away to be a statue.

[She shied away from the woman's touch at first, eying her carefully but thought better of it for once and held herself in check. She would watch her though.]

I would, I am tired of seeing others lost. [She hated talking about how she felt but it was the truth.]

Why would you be willing to do that?

Why are you so different from everyone? I thought Elders were supposed to be cold and untouchable individuals. [Aranka did not fight her but she was hardly used to such gestures.] I am living up to my potential, I was not given the option to do anything else. My Father was a Death Dealer, this is what he wanted. I will continue to be seen as weak.

[She had not answered her offered yet, having taken time to consider her gesture but if she was an Elder, refusing her would be disloyal.] Very well, I will go with you and see for myself.

I was like them once. I was raised by Viktor, Amelia was my mother. I was as cold as any other, worse even. The Lycan's know me by name because of my ruthlessness.

When I learned the truth, when I lost my mother? We can not survive in this modern world if we live in the past.

And I am willing because I see myself in you and I don't want to see you follow the same path. It is painful and lonely.

You must be Selene, I heard stories of you as a child. Any Death Dealer who can make those miserable mutts tuck their tails and run has my respect. [If only she would earn respect like that, she was tired of being looked down on.]

What sort of truth? [She got quiet for a minute, but her face was unreadable past the usual frown.] He has mentioned the same thing, he talks about the future often.

[It could not be much worse then the way she already felt but she would make it disappear somehow.] You regret becoming stronger then? I would think it would have the opposite effect, not being able to feel those things anymore.

I still do not understand.

The truth of our war is not the truth at all. The beasts William made, they had to be put down, once they turned there was no going back. They devastated cities. Lucian's breed was another story. They guarded us, protected us, and because Lucian fell in love with Sonja, Viktor started a war. Killed his own daughter.

He then killed my family and blamed the Lycan's. Fat on my fathers blood he held me in his arms and promised to give me all the strength to avenge them.

He made me a monster. No better than William.

Alexander made me what I am, and he did so because I agree with him, we are monsters. We make monsters. So he gave me what I needed to give us a new path. To make us more human again so that we might not make the same mistakes of the Elders before.

Tell me, have you ever felt the sun on your skin? Or laughed until you cried? There are things worth feeling. But you can't pick and chose. You can't just feel happiness, or pain....it's all or nothing.

Nothing doesn't seem to be working out for you.

Yes, those filthy beasts are the reason we were made, to kill them. I know this much, but I have a very hard time believing the rest. Kill you're own over a filthy animal that likely would have had his way with her to begin with? Why not kill the disgusting man and be done? [There was clear disbelief and anger on her face, so much for being cool.]

Why would an Elder do such a thing?

Where is the proof for all of this? [She knew better then to question another Elder but her mouth and temper were bound to run away with her eventually.] Father would have told me something so important.. or Fedor... We are no more monsters then anyone else. Lycans are far worse. They kill everything and everyone, they have no concept of honor or anything else.

How can someone be human when they ever never human to begin with?

No, of course not because that is impossible when you are born one. I have had few reasons to laugh either. You are willing to feel pain for those few reasons?

[Stubborn much?] You would propose being picked apart by the others again for shedding tears or hesitating on a trigger? I am quite sick of being seen as the weakest. Surely, you can understand that.

We were made to kill William's not. Not Lucian's. Lucian defended us, protected us, and Viktor turned on him for loving her. He was a good man with a good heart until it was broken. [Selene knew these things from Michael, after all Lucian had bitten him. He had the memories of the man. Selene bit Michael. The truth was written in their blood.]

My father built the prison they kept William in. He was afraid if Marcus found me he would find William and set him free. My family was killed to keep the location secret and I was kept so Viktor would always have a map back to the prison.

Those that find you weak for feeling are fools. We are not meant to be monsters.

I am willing to feel pain and have many times for those moments of happiness and love.

You aren't weak for having a heart. It is a greater burden, that requires a stronger spine to do what we do and feel. Really feel.

Why would a Lycan care so much about us because of one woman? They hate us. Why would one of our Elders turn on someone who was so loyal just for that either? If Lucian was such a good man, why turn his mutts on the rest of us? I had no hatred for them until they took something from me.[She had no way of knowing something unless she found it herself or someone told her. She was too young to process blood memories, they came out in an aggravating blur that gave her a headache.]

You were only raised for one purpose as well? I was told Viktor was a very hard man but why go so far? [Yes, she was still having a hard time believing her. It was a lot of things to process and as usual she was angry and confused.]

All I was wanted for was killing. That is what we do, kill. We take orders and kill our targets. That is not a monster, it is just being a good soldier. I kill who I have to.

How do you find them after all of that and still be where you are?

I have been disciplined enough times to know most of the others think differently. [Her temper never helped her out either.] When I get stronger they will learn to respect me.

Edited 2012-05-08 02:18 (UTC)

Because he was raised by 'us'. From infancy Viktor raised him. Obviously to use him as a tool to fight William. But Lucian thought of him as a father.

My dark father was afraid of anything coming to be that might be stronger than he was. A cross breeding of the species was terrifying to him.

What, love, what did they take from you?

[Selene still had hold of her. Not in a threatening way. More maternal which was strange for her.]

That is not all we do. That is not all we are. Not under my rule. The rules of this Coven are changing, if they like it or not. I am the last child of an Elder. I am the last living legacy of Alexander Corvinus. And I will not let this house fall to ruin, fall to war. A war that need not be fought.

Should you accept I have position at my side ready and waiting for you.

He sounds almost like a Death Dealer. Why use Lucian when he could have used his own men? Blind fear seems rather cowardly for an Elder with his reputation. [She had never considered that idea before, it had never been mentioned.]

They killed my father, mother, best friend and a handful of comrades. They would kill my brother and anyone else too if given the chance and neither of us had done anything to them to earn that. People should not pay for others grudges but I realize that is a foolish idea. I never wanted to hate them. It may come as a surprise and we had received nothing but trouble in the past for the idea but we wanted to help them so they would stop hating us. It was against what everyone else taught us and they were right, I finally realized that. He still thinks differently.

[It was a foreign gesture to her, she would have shrugged her off like anyone else but for some reason she didn't. Her face had not changed however and she was not sure how she was supposed to react.]

How do you mean to change everything? [She had thought about it her entire life but it was not her place.] Individuals still hold their own grudges obviously. Stop fighting and they would take advantage of us.

What would you have me do if I accept your offer? [She could be calm and listen when she wanted too.]

Who would watch us during the day? Until Alexander changed me, we were at our most vulnerable during the day.

You are right, in many ways Viktor was a coward. He was afraid to kill William for fear of Marcus. He was afraid of Marcus, for fear that killing him would mean the end of our kind. He was afraid of our history because if his truth was told, no one would follow him. Terrified that the child created between his daughter and Lucian would be stronger than he was. Fear is a powerful motivator.

The only way to change how things are, is to change. We only kill those that hunt and kill humans or in self defense. The war is over, it is about control and preservation now. For us and for them.

Anya, she is my personal assistant, though I feel I run her quite ragged at times. I could use another. You would train, if you still would like to. You would attend meetings at Ziodex, learn the business and what we do. You would learn to do what it is I do.

I do not have a heir to pass this down to should I meet my end. If it is all turned over to the remaining council things will stay the same. I want to find someone worthy of our legacy. And I see something in you that makes me think you might be that person.

We should not have had to rely on others to watch us at all. I would take my chances sleeping with a weapon under my pillow instead. What sort of changes did you undergo?

Fear is a terrible weakness if you cannot control it. [She had no problem putting things bluntly, let alone speaking her mind. That was usually the part where she garnered trouble.] He used his fear to create fear. I cannot stand cowards, least of all someone who was supposed to be a leader.

I have no problem with change if it is beneficial to our people, staying the same forever in some aspects would be rather stupid. I want the ones who killed them first though. They are the only reason I cared about war. [She did not mean to say that part but it slipped out before it could be stopped.] If the other mutts leave us alone, I will leave them alone but I do not trust them.

[That was worth a hefty raise of her eyebrow.] My brother would make a more logical candidate for you. I do not understand whatever it is you see but I have been trained for one purpose my entire life, this is how I have protected my family. [There was no lack of confidence, she was only stating a fact.]