sixwordstories | (no subject)

What's that all about?

You know what it is about, everything. You. Me. The music. The house in the woods with the paper cranes dangling from the ceiling and the string lights. All of it is selfish, fucking shite.

And you know what, I don’t fucking care. I want it. I don’t care if I lose it all. I just want it. I don’t care if wanting it all is for me. Christ, I’m allowed something too.

I want you, I don’t give a rats arse if it is being selfish.

Eothian, where is this coming from. It's our life not selfish and not shit.

*Grabs Sam by the collar and hauls him up.*

God damn it, Sam. Look at me. LOOK. This is where this is coming from, do you see this? It has to be selfish and shite and everything in between. We’re cursed. Cursed. It taints everything.

*Releases Sam and gently caresses his face.*

The curse taints everything beautiful. You’re beautiful. Part of me doesn’t give a fuck that it’ll mark you, and part of me hates me for being selfish that I don’t care.

[When he let him go Sam looked away, pulling his face away from his touch. Taking a step back.]

None of me gives a fuck either way. Fine you're selfish. Fine, it will mark me and whatever. I don't care. I was fucked up before you ever came along.

Then walk away Eothian, walk away. If this is how you feel about us, go.

It was someone else who fucked you up first ----*Adds softly* ---I didn’t. Me.

*Almost reaches for him again and steps back too.* Go? Where am I going to go, baby? Where? You’re every fucking where. I can’t run fast enough. I can’t fly high enough. I close my eyes and you’re there.

If we go from each other, we're fucked. If we stay, we're fucked. You leave, I’m broken. This is the shite part, Sam. Can’t you see that?

I love you.

Yeah it was someone else, and I survived. You can't do any worse to me. Our life won't break me.

This will.

[Sam can't look at him. Can't bring himself to meet his gaze because he knows he'll crumble.]

If we stay we're fucked? How? How are we fucked?

When you say that after what you just said I can't help but think that loving me is the real curse.

Don’t say I won’t do any worse, you know I can.

*Has to look into Sam’s eyes. He reaches out, curling his hand around Sam’s chin and making an attempt to get Sam to look at him.*

You know all about love, Sam. I don’t. Isn’t that how love is? And if it is like a curse isn’t it so bad of me to want to embrace the sickness? Is it wrong not to fear the damage loving you can do? Because I don’t. I might hate not fearing it, I might be selfish for not fearing, but I don’t hate loving you. I don't fear loving you.

You can do worse then destroying who I am? Try.

[Sam fights against his hand but eventually gives up and looks at Eothian, tears in his eyes. His voice so soft he's surprised it can be heard.]

I do know love. More than Grace's. I knew Beck's and Paul's, Ulrik....Cole......it was never a curse. It was the opposite. The cure for everything that hurt me. Like you. When I lie in bed with you at night and the things that use to haunt me try and creep in? I reach over, I touch your hand, your face....and those bad dreams are gone.

It's nothing to be afraid of. I'm not scared of you Eothian. I'm not scared of loving you.

Don’t think I can’t. Don’t.

*Watches Sam’s face, brushing his fingertips against Sam’s mouth as he speaks.*

Then, yeah, it’s selfish shite. It’s okay. If you say its okay for us to love each other, then it is okay.

I don't think you can.

[The slight touch of his fingers makes Sam close his eyes.]

It's not selfish. It's not shit. It's love. I don't get it, baby, I don't get this grim outlook on love. You make me feel like all the shit that happened to me was a bad soap opera I watched on TV. How is that bad and selfish?

I can't tell you it's okay. All I can tell you is that I love you and I don't feel bad about it. I don't feel like I'm selfish for how I feel. You have to decide that loving me is okay for you. I can't tell you it is.

When you know that....you know where I'll be.

*His gaze stayed on Sam’s face and his fingertips softly caresses along Sam’s mouth. Jaw. Cheek. And fluttered across Sam’s closed eyes and brow. The other hand curved around the back of Sam’s neck and Eothian let his fingers comb through Sam’s hair.

The entire time Eothian remained quiet.*

[The silence killed him. He was more afraid of it than the water. Eothian was never this quiet. Sam caught the hand that was wandering his face and laced their fingers together. His eyes opened and he looked into his husband's eyes.]

Baby, say something. Please.

*The silence lingered until Eothian untangled their lace fingers and he took a step back.*

I have to go away…

*He took another step back.*

…Just for a little while. We can go horse riding when I come back.

*The last step back he took he used a fairy between and simply disappeared.*

....bye.

[He muttered before Eothian disappeared. It hurt to see him go. Too much to even cry. Sam felt empty standing there by himself. Before it could really sink in and break him down Sam was on the phone with Janet. Letting her know he'd be in LA, in his apartment.

He wasn't going to go stay in the house in Minnesota that Eothian loved so much. Refused to lay there alone staring at the ceiling covered in lights and paper, remembering the first night they spent there together. It didn't take long for a flight to be arranged and he was headed back to LA.]