I guess. I mean that’s what Beck wanted for his son, his family, yeah? He wanted his kids to have an ordinary life, a family of their own, a girl, a place to call home.
You’re fated to be what you are, Sam. If Beck hadn’t done it, someone else would have. Just like I had to be what I am; we can’t escape it. And if we could, then maybe normal is the only way.
*Sighs.* I know. This is shite, you know, trying to live an ordinary life. But it has to be better than ----than --- pretending you’re not going to die. Or, winter isn’t going to come. Or step mommy isn’t going to hurt me. It’s the reason why you keep that house at Mercy Falls, some little part of you wants that ordinary life of family and home.
Winter will come but I am not going to be taken by it. Never again. [Sam reached out and ran a hand through Eothian's now short dark hair. He couldn't imagine anyone wanting to hurt him, or a reason for it.]
That house, is just a house. I don't keep it with the hopes that I'll find some girl to be with and go have a family with her and raise them there. I keep it just in case one of them changes back. Just in case. I keep it for Isabel, so she can go there and stare into the woods and hope that Cole comes back to her.
You are home, you are my family. I don't need a house to have that. I don't need you to pretend to be someone you're not because you think it's what I really want.
*Looks down but doesn’t move away from Sam’s touch. His hand rests against Sam’s chest.*
The girl in the fur coats, high boots, and posh voice; she told you I went to the house. I did.
*His hand tightens around the shirt Sam is wearing and he relaxes it.*
She told you I was alone, but I wasn’t. Every surface and object in the house let me see them all --- and your Summer girl who waits for her wolf. I saw the family who was there and needs to be there. And I guess I thought you wanted that. Maybe I want it too, but being alone in the house I know I can't have home there.
[He looks up at him and swallows hard. Painfully so.]
She doesn't wait for me, Eothian. She's dead, not in the woods. [He took a step back and folded his arms over his chest. His chest felt tight listening to what Eothian said. It always felt like he was finding reasons why they shouldn't be together.] Why? What is wrong with that house? Or me for that matter?
Just forget it.....I'm not the same person that Grace loved, I'm not the same shy kid that Beck brought home. I'm me. For the first time I really feel like I know who I am, that I finally fit in my skin and here you are to tell me different.
....If I could change it and be with you to watch that house crumble in a hundred years I would, in a heartbeat. Even if I could be with your forever, you'd still be afraid.
What are you afraid of? I don't know what to do or say......
.....maybe Fin is right. Maybe this is too hard on you, being with me.
*Reaches out and presses his fingertips against Sam’s lips.*
If this is too hard for me, it won’t because Fin says it is. I’ve been afraid ever since I gave that flyer to you to come to the audition. You remember, that? I saw you and thought who ever had you would know about love. Real love. And I was jealous of them.
Then we were messing about with the eyeliner and I was looking at you in the mirror, I knew the love was for me. Then I wasn’t jealous, I was scared --- I’m scared because I knew at that moment I’d go in the dark for you --- even if it killed me.
I was touching you the entire time. Our fingers touched when I gave you the flyer. Our bodies touched when I was looking at you in the mirror. Every touch Sam, I couldn’t turn it off; I couldn’t stop touching you and I couldn’t not see.
No. No you won’t be there with me; I’d be leaving you behind. I don’t want to. And …maybe…maybe that’s why I want to remember what it is to be normal. So I don’t have to go in the dark and leave you.
*Looking down he squeezed his eyes closed briefly then opened them.* I know, I know this is crazy and doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t to me either.
.....Eothian....damn it. [He sounded hurt and was visibly upset.] Damn it.
I don't know what the hell I am suppose to do. I love you, I am so in love with you. But it's not enough. Remembering what normal is won't make you forget about a dead girl I loved years ago. Or that damn house in the woods.
[Sam doesn't pull away when Eothian reaches for him. He takes his hand and laces their fingers together.]
Don't do that. Don't tell me you'll be okay and stop talking to me because your worried you hurt me. I hurt and I worry because I don't know how to make you happy. [He looked at Eothian and sighs, bringing their laced hands to his lips to kiss his husbands hand.] I know what Beck wanted for me but that doesn't matter, what matters is what I want and I want you. I want us.
[Nodding his head he reached out with his other hand and brushed his fingers through his hair.]
Yeah. Mostly I think I'll miss you being you. I fell in love with you, crazy hair and all, and now you're hiding from me.
There’s nothing else we can talk about, you know? *Brushes his thumb across their laced fingers.* You’re here, I guess I know I’ll be okay because I want us too. I can't hide from you, baby, you've seen my heart and soul.
*Leans into his touch to his hair.*
You know what? We could make this new look of mine work for us. You could shave and no one will get it's you. There’s been no publicity pictures of us yet, we could go out get pizza. Beer. A movie. Do something together without anyone recognizing us.
[Sam smiled at that and rubbed a hand over his scruffy face.] You don't like my mountain man look? [He leaned in and kissed Eothian's neck, tickling him with the growth on his face.] Yeah. I want to do that. Let's shave my face, trim my hair and go out. Beer. Pizza. Maybe not the movie......would you be okay in a dark theater?
*Nips softly at Sam’s ear.* Do we really want to go there about what I like about this look?
*Stills for a moment realizing what he said.* Yeah, maybe not a mov---Baby, I think I could try a dark movie theatre with you in it. I mean, I can bring a flashlight or something.
Maybe? [Sam blushed. He'd never felt like he was a really good looking man. A couple times Grace had called him cute. Sam wasn't use to being looked at and seen like Eothian saw him.]
A flashlight and Moo-Moo? I'll never let go of your hand.....[Their fingers were still laced together and Sam gave his hand a soft squeeze.] ...should I go clean up then?
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You wanted it with Grace.
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Then he shouldn't have bitten me and turned me into what I am, Eothian.
You think you have to look like everyone else and pretend to be normal for me?
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*Sighs.* I know. This is shite, you know, trying to live an ordinary life. But it has to be better than ----than --- pretending you’re not going to die. Or, winter isn’t going to come. Or step mommy isn’t going to hurt me. It’s the reason why you keep that house at Mercy Falls, some little part of you wants that ordinary life of family and home.
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That house, is just a house. I don't keep it with the hopes that I'll find some girl to be with and go have a family with her and raise them there. I keep it just in case one of them changes back. Just in case. I keep it for Isabel, so she can go there and stare into the woods and hope that Cole comes back to her.
You are home, you are my family. I don't need a house to have that. I don't need you to pretend to be someone you're not because you think it's what I really want.
I need to understand what is going on with you.
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The girl in the fur coats, high boots, and posh voice; she told you I went to the house. I did.
*His hand tightens around the shirt Sam is wearing and he relaxes it.*
She told you I was alone, but I wasn’t. Every surface and object in the house let me see them all --- and your Summer girl who waits for her wolf. I saw the family who was there and needs to be there. And I guess I thought you wanted that. Maybe I want it too, but being alone in the house I know I can't have home there.
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Yeah, she called.
[He looks up at him and swallows hard. Painfully so.]
She doesn't wait for me, Eothian. She's dead, not in the woods. [He took a step back and folded his arms over his chest. His chest felt tight listening to what Eothian said. It always felt like he was finding reasons why they shouldn't be together.] Why? What is wrong with that house? Or me for that matter?
Just forget it.....I'm not the same person that Grace loved, I'm not the same shy kid that Beck brought home. I'm me. For the first time I really feel like I know who I am, that I finally fit in my skin and here you are to tell me different.
You know who is waiting? Me. I'm waiting for you.
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The house will crumble and the woods will take the land back. You won’t be around to see that, but I will be.
Sam----I’m afraid for us.
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What are you afraid of? I don't know what to do or say......
.....maybe Fin is right. Maybe this is too hard on you, being with me.
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If this is too hard for me, it won’t because Fin says it is. I’ve been afraid ever since I gave that flyer to you to come to the audition. You remember, that? I saw you and thought who ever had you would know about love. Real love. And I was jealous of them.
Then we were messing about with the eyeliner and I was looking at you in the mirror, I knew the love was for me. Then I wasn’t jealous, I was scared --- I’m scared because I knew at that moment I’d go in the dark for you --- even if it killed me.
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[Then he felt that overwhelming rush of emotion he made him feel so easily.]
I thought you saw something when we were looking in the mirror. Why didn't you tell me then?
You'd never go in the dark alone. I'd be there with you.
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No. No you won’t be there with me; I’d be leaving you behind. I don’t want to. And …maybe…maybe that’s why I want to remember what it is to be normal. So I don’t have to go in the dark and leave you.
*Looking down he squeezed his eyes closed briefly then opened them.* I know, I know this is crazy and doesn’t make sense. It doesn’t to me either.
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.....Eothian....damn it. [He sounded hurt and was visibly upset.] Damn it.
I don't know what the hell I am suppose to do. I love you, I am so in love with you. But it's not enough. Remembering what normal is won't make you forget about a dead girl I loved years ago. Or that damn house in the woods.
What do you want me to do? Just tell me...
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I’m sorry, baby, I’m sorry for this. I don’t want to be scared and make you unhappy. I’ll be okay. *Makes an attempt to lighten the conversation.*
You’ll really miss the pink Mohawk?
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Don't do that. Don't tell me you'll be okay and stop talking to me because your worried you hurt me. I hurt and I worry because I don't know how to make you happy. [He looked at Eothian and sighs, bringing their laced hands to his lips to kiss his husbands hand.] I know what Beck wanted for me but that doesn't matter, what matters is what I want and I want you. I want us.
[Nodding his head he reached out with his other hand and brushed his fingers through his hair.]
Yeah. Mostly I think I'll miss you being you. I fell in love with you, crazy hair and all, and now you're hiding from me.
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*Leans into his touch to his hair.*
You know what? We could make this new look of mine work for us. You could shave and no one will get it's you. There’s been no publicity pictures of us yet, we could go out get pizza. Beer. A movie. Do something together without anyone recognizing us.
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*Stills for a moment realizing what he said.* Yeah, maybe not a mov---Baby, I think I could try a dark movie theatre with you in it. I mean, I can bring a flashlight or something.
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A flashlight and Moo-Moo? I'll never let go of your hand.....[Their fingers were still laced together and Sam gave his hand a soft squeeze.] ...should I go clean up then?