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*flails* POISON IVY IS HERE?!? Dude, you are so HOT! Like, so hot that when I see you paired with my Number 1 DC crush, Harley Quinn, I don't even mind!

(Actually, he faps it all night lo-)

YOU BE QUIET.

(It's truth! ....Wait. Did you just ship yourself with Harley Quinn?)

I ship myself with ALL OF THE HOT LADIES.

(You have a valid point. Carry on.)

Poison Ivy? [Cue confused look on Pam here. Which gets more confused as Wade rambles on for a few more moments]

Who are you?

...I'M BATMAN.

(Well if THAT isn't the most epic of all lies...)

Batman? Never heard of you.

Oh you will...you will.

HEY WAIT! Like, I know you are only 19 and stuff-

(THAT IS SO LEGAL!)

-but I think Batman was active when you were 19!!! He was getting his vengeance on for a while when you popped on the scene in all of your green!

(Or was he? See, comic timelines are really weird. If he WAS around, then he'd be, like, in his 40s when she is in full Poison Ivy swing, and she, in her late 20s, would beat his ass!)

Oi...my head hurts from trying to make comic timelines and ages make sense...*holds his head*

Dude... whatever you are smoking I have to get some.

Can't you, like, spontaneously grow it? And then make it eat people? Because seriously, I can't picture YOU burning a plant of any kind!

Those sound like interesting ideas. Keep talking.

(No lady! Don't encourage him to TALK! Aw dammit, too late...)

Well, you're like the queen of plants! You have special powers over them! I dunno how, but you do. I'm sure you have a great backstory for it or something involving chemicals and stuff. I forget how that episode of The Animated Series went. ANYWAY, you're also kind of psychotic and want to kill all the people to protect all the plants, but you totally always hold a special place in your heart for ME because you just love me so much. We vibe on all kinds of levels.

(...Oh god. Oh sweet Jesus. You're trying to fuck with her timeline aren't you? You're INSERTING YOURSELF in an effort to get some hot in green latex booty. I think this might be a new low for you. Do you have ANY IDEA what altering her timeline could do to the Batman storyline?)

Nothing worse than the 50 resets DC has subjected it to?

(Point.)

I do enjoy spending time in the greenhouse. And my lab... [Wade... Wade... Wade... what evils have you started here? And why do we still all love you for it]

Of course you do! And you hire me on as a sexy sexy lab assistant!

(Did you just call us sexy?)

SHHHH!

(Well, I guess we are in the current comics...but we have no healing factor because of it! It's a random storyline! You can't be hot AND have a healing factor. That just isn't Deadpool, and thus just isn't us.)

Hey wait!!! Did your brackets just say that you love me? I LOVE YOU TOO!!!

(Lust and love aren't the same thing. Hm. I take that back, actually. I'm pretty sure we can't tell the difference. Carry on.)

I have been dabbling with something new, and I am sure you could help me test it. [Sweet smile. So sweet. So innocent. ~~Not~~]]

ANY TIME, ANYWHERE!!!

(Wait, this isn't that Harvey Dent lipstick, is it?)

My parenthesis have a point! Is this that lipstick you use to kill people? *ponders* Actually, it doesn't matter!

(Cause we can't die! WOO!)

I haven't killed anyone. [Yet]

Yeah, you're still relatively sane...it's actually kinda weird to see you this way! It's like, you could still be a good guy, but there's that twinkle of something in your eyes that says otherwise...

(Isn't she a good guy in the current New 52 timeline?)

*shakes his head to clear it* Oh yeah! Huh. I wonder if that means she wouldn't like me then...

(Well, are WE a good guy?)

I dunno. I'm on X-Force?

(But we still kill people. Like all the time.)

I'm not a good OR bad guy! I'm just me.

And I am the weird one? [Pam chuckles softly]

Well not YET. Unless you are plotting the demise of Gotham City already...are you??

I don't even live in Gotham City.

Well there you go. You're just a normal, legal, 19 year old!

(Did you really have to throw legal in there?)

Oh oops...I said that out loud. Dammit.

Also, just so you know, this is totally all you eventually. Just so you know. You got KINKS!