sixwordstories | (no subject)

Oh, shitfuck. You don't sell industrial freezers?

[Incoherent slurring on the other line.]

No, no, waitttt!

..How big are your boobsh??

[She raises a brow, how charming.]

No. I definitely don't sell industrial freezers. So unless you need an event planned you have the wrong number.

[Oh great, a drunk. That's exactly what she needs right now.]

Excuse me?

[He pauses.]

Yer lovemuffinsh.

How big r' they?

Oh shi--uh, sorry ma'am.

Wait, what kind of events?

[Well, there's still a bright enough tone to her voice so it seems she's not too annoyed at the misdial] That's alright, it's easily done.

Well, anything really. Parties, wedding receptions, small get-togethers, you name it.

[She purses her lips and shakes her head]

Charming.

Alright, if you don't want me to plan an event for you I'm hanging up. Right now.

Yeah, still, I shouldn't have sworn at you.

How does that work? You like... bring stuff?

I want ann event!

O' coursh I do.

[hiccup]

Oh, I'm a New Yorker trust me I've heard ten times worse than that so really there's no need.

[She nods...even though he obviously can't see that] Yeah, that's usually how it works. You set us a price range and we do all the work.

[She sighs]

Look, you're drunk and you have no idea what you're saying right now. And you sound underage so unless you want me to put my husband on the phone I suggest you hang up now.

...He works for the FBI in case you were wondering.

Still rude.

Oh. Yeah, I guess parties don't make themselves... Is it normal to throw parties for things like record deals, or... "yay you're getting married" things and birthdays and crap?

[no, he really doesn't have any idea what he's saying right now.]

Ugh..u-uh. I'm not some fookin kid, princesss.

N' I want an event!

...Well, your apology is accepted.

[How charming..but then again charming doesn't necessarily mean trustworthy. Just look at Neal.] Yeah, we get a lot of business. Weddings are a little more popular at this time of the year along with engagement parties.

[Seriously, why has she not hung up on this guy already?]

Princess? Were you never taught any manners when you were a kid?

Right, of course you do. What kind of event would that be?

I thought those weere mannersh!

Uh..uhm..

[Wait a minute, here.]

A party whur a bunch of people..people..hit one of those big fookin llamas made out of paper..a..

pin..pina..

Thank you, ma'am.

I do know some guys getting married, but they've already planned their own party...
Sorry, I must sound like a moron. I'm a bit socially stupid, still.

Well, you would be wrong about that.

[She doesn't even know how she can understand what he's saying at this point either.]

A piñata. You want a party with a piñata. Well, you don't need me to plan that, just go and buy one yourself.

...You're welcome.

[She smiles a little and shakes her head] Oh no, not at all! It's not something that most guys know about honestly. It's usually the women that like to have things organized.

I didn't know gender played a part. ...should anniversaries get events?

But it'sh a wedding!

[He breathes heavily in receiver like a dumbass]

No, that's not what I was suggesting both males and females come to me for help. And yes, if it's an anniversary of something special and you feel like celebrating it.

A piñata for a wedding? That makes absolutely no sense at all.

You're drunk. If you want me to plan an event for you call back in the morning. Sober.

Oh! Okay.
...I sort of missed my one-year anniversary with my one year girlfriend. She went to Rome.

Wow, that's some one-year anniversary...

[A wince] Sorry, I didn't mean it to come out quite like that. Did you have something in mind? Something you wanted to do for her?

It was a pretty exciting weekend. Our girlfriend found out she's pregnant too, so.

I'm not really sure what you're SUPPOSED to do. I've never had to, before.

[...She's not going to comment on that. Each to their own.] Oh! How wonderful...congratulations.

Hmm, well that doesn't give me much to work with...is it going to be a small gathering or something with a lot of people attending?

Thank you.

I... don't know. What's traditional? ...IS it traditional? I'm still not really sure what's normal in society.

It makesh perfect sensse!

...

Shober? What is this...word you speak of?

[He laughs.]