(no subject)

[nepharious]

Why such douche-canoes, Olympic announcers?

Comments

[a_time_slip]

It makes them feel like they're as important as the athletes, even though all they're doing is talking

[nepharious]

It is some serious shade-throwing, glory-days-reliving bullshit, is what.

Also, I think they might be why the rest of the world hates the US.

[sam_k_roth]

Let's watch with the sound off and give our own scores.

[ex_doeswhatsright717]

I'm fairly sure those words don't belong anywhere near each other.

[nepharious]

BEST IDEA. C'mon, I think it's men's beach volleyball right now! Poland's schooling us.

[nepharious]

Which words might ya mean?

[ex_doeswhatsright717]

If you don't mind, I'd rather not repeat them.

[nepharious]

...

wait...'douch-canoe'? That's...really?

[ex_doeswhatsright717]

'Big jerks' would work just as well, right?

[nepharious]

I dunno, need more zing! More OOMPH! [wicked grin] Like 'asshat' or 'twatwaffle', maybe.

[ex_doeswhatsright717]

[Sigh.]

Or ... really big jerk.

[nepharious]

[bursts into giggles]

You gotta tell me what you'd call a real asshole, like dictators and shock jock radio guys.

[sam_k_roth]

Poland? Seriously?

[nepharious]

Absolutely, because Poland's famous for its beaches!

[her deadpan is surprisingly good]

[sam_k_roth]

You're good enough I'd believe you if I didn't read an obnoxious amount. Let's watch!

[nepharious]

Fair warning: I get really obnoxious about the gymnastics!

[sam_k_roth]

In what way? Do I need to get duct tape?

[nepharious]

In the not-exactly-Olympic-level-but-good-enough-to-get-defensive kinda way. See, that's why I wanna choke out the announcers. Those girls and guys work so hard, they got no cause to say some of the shit they say!

[sam_k_roth]

Then we will counteract it with good vibes.

[nepharious]

And possibly drinking games!

[sam_k_roth]

I've never played a drinking game before!

[nepharious]

For real?! Well, here're a good starting point!

[sam_k_roth]

That is.....amazing.

[ex_doeswhatsright717]

In cases like that, I think asshole is appropriate.

[what_fourth_wall]

SUPERMAN has a point, Albino-Head!!! Like, how DO you put those words together? What kind of canoe needs to be douched??? OR, who would need a canoe-shaped and/or sized douche? That is one EPIC douche!!!

Inquiring minds, like SuperSpeedo's here, want to know!

[nepharious]

Pff, Superman? Excuse you, but this guy's got glasses. He can't be Superman!

For your information, it's a canoe full of douche. The used variety. That's why it's not a good thing to be called. I don't get why people use 'douche' on its own as an insult. There's nothing, like, inherently gross about a box or a bottle of the stuff. But anyway. There you have it. The science of insult.

[what_fourth_wall]

OH! That's right, Supes doesn't EVER wear glasses...I can't believe I missed that!

A WHOLE CANOE full of used douche?? Dude, that...do you KNOW how many people have to been douching in the same general area to fill a WHOLE CANOE?! That's like an ORGY of douching!!!

[nepharious]

Pssh, rookie mistake.

Hey, it's summer. Things get less-than-fresh. You do the math.

[what_fourth_wall]

Now THAT's a word problem!

...Too soon for your writer's GRE trauma?

she has not yet achieved fourth wall mastery!

[nepharious]

...dude, you know I never even got my GED.

We need to work on that!

[what_fourth_wall]

Oooooh...yeah, I'll figure out a way to make that happen for you!

But think of the existential crisis!

[nepharious]

Why, are you gonna rewrite the requirements for my job? Because I'm pretty sure I could sue!

That's all we here at DP inc DO think about!

[what_fourth_wall]

Noooo...that's too easy! I'm gonna hack into the government databases and give you a GED! Maybe an undergrad. And a Masters. OO OOO!! Maybe a PhD in Zoology!

...fair point

[nepharious]

Careful, careful, scale it back or I'll end up like Lance Sweets. People'll sit back and think about my continuity and go "Nope, nope, no way that works."

[what_fourth_wall]

...When *I* think about Lance Sweets, I think about a guy showing a WHOLE ROOM including Ryan Reynolds the goat!

[nepharious]

[rolls eyes] Really, you're not gonna take it back to Freaks and Geeks?

I am dissapoint.

[what_fourth_wall]

Can anything from Freaks and Geeks be as great as THE GOAT?!?