(no subject)

[sam_k_roth]

Make amends, wash away my sins.

Comments

[psych2psych]

Sounds good.

[sam_k_roth]

Do you ever think about revenge?

[psych2psych]

Mmm... no. You have to put the blame for something on someone else for revenge to be an option.

[sam_k_roth]

I'm not just talking like 'I'll get you back' sort of revenge. More like...finally finding courage or doing what they said you could never do?

[psych2psych]

Determination. Yeah, that I think about. Like when they said I wouldn't walk again. What's on your mind, sweetheart?

[sam_k_roth]

Or telling someone who isn't treating you very well, fuck you I won't take this anymore.

Who was with you when they told you that? Were you alone? Nothing, baby, just writing.

[psych2psych]

My mom was with me. Should I leave you alone?

[sam_k_roth]

Do you want to leave me alone? Because I sort of like having you here.....unless I'm upsetting you or something?

[psych2psych]

I'll stay then. I just don't wanna mess up your creative flow. I can work on the laptop while you do your thing and just keep quiet?

[sam_k_roth]

Told you before, you sort of inspire my creative flow. If that's what you want. Or you can talk to me.

[Sam wasn't distracted by him being there. While they had been talking he had been lightly playing a few chords and writing them down on sheet music when he liked how they sounded.]

[psych2psych]

About revenge or determination?

[Asked with an amused arch of his brow.]

[sam_k_roth]

Not all of my songs about Mark are happy, fun songs.

[psych2psych]

Some are dark and sad? Angry?

[sam_k_roth]

Some, yeah. But, I think that's part of you that you hide. The dark, sad and angry....those parts are beautiful to you know?

[psych2psych]

They don't feel so beautiful. [It's a strangely honest and telling statement as Mark shrugs and boots up his laptop, slipping on his glasses and digging through his bookbag.] They're normal emotions for people to have though.

[sam_k_roth]

[Sam shrugs.] Even the ugly parts of us hold beauty. Raw, unfiltered, imperfect beauty. Sure they are normal but no one likes them. So they hide them. Then all anyone sees are the pretty, perfect pictures of who we want them to see.

[Watching Mark he continues to strum the acoustic guitar around his neck and hum a melody he thought might fit the words he had written down.]

[psych2psych]

[A corner of Mark's lips lifts just a bit, his fingers typing in the password for his laptop, 'Aerosmith'. He's so predictable.] Do you find those aspects of yourself beautiful?

[sam_k_roth]

It's only ugly when it hurts other people. I think anyway. I mean it's part of who I am, isn't it? [Sam smirks just a bit as he watches Mark with the laptop. The talking wasn't distracting but the way he just barely smiles and those glasses are.]

[psych2psych]

Yeah. And I like who you are. All the parts. Love them, even. [He glances up from the laptop at Sam and winks before looking down again.] I don't know. I've never found those parts of myself very likable. I try to ignore them. And yeah, I know how unhealthy that is.

[sam_k_roth]

Are you trying to get molested at your desk? [Sam's brow rose over his eyes in an amused way.] The question begs to be asked.....if you know it isn't healthy, why do you do it?

[psych2psych]

Neither of us would get any work done if that happened. I'm perfectly innocent. Can't you see my halo? [All sarcasm implied. He lifts one shoulder in a half shrug.] I guess it's just the way I've always done it. Which is no excuse. But it's just... easier for me to focus on others and help them through those emotions than myself. I don't like focusing on me. And... if I'm gonna focus on me I'd rather it be on the good things about me.

[sam_k_roth]

I see horns from where I'm sitting, baby. [He strums the guitar again and sits back, sinking into the couch.] I like focusing on you.

[Sam hums softly for a moment and then starts to play something, instead of the toying around he was just doing.]

Save me. Save me. Save......ooooooooooooh lord, save me, save me again....

[psych2psych]

[Mark stared at the finances for Open Doors on the computer screen without really looking at it. Instead he was listening to Sam. He could probably listen to him play that guitar and sing for forever. But Mark was trying to understand the words of what he was singing.]

Did you just write that?

[sam_k_roth]

[Sam shook his head against the back of the couch, still plucking at the strings lightly.] Nope, that was something else. I use to think I would die in silence. Having lost my voice and words to the wolf....

What I was writing I have to rethink...I think I'm pushing the boundaries of my falsetto...work in progress or something.

[psych2psych]

I think you sound amazing. [Mark answers honestly.] And that's never gonna happen now, you dying in silence, lost to the wolf. You have me and for a quiet kind of guy I still make a lot of noise.

[sam_k_roth]

You haven't heard my try to hit a note I can't reach! [He laughed a little.] Sometimes you're noisy. Those damn glasses. Mark! Take them off!

[Instead of him waiting for Mark to remove the glasses Sam jumped up and stole them. And started to play Faithfully by Journey as he swayed back and forth.]

[psych2psych]

[Mark laughed when Sam took his glasses from him.] Hey! I get all squinty when I look at the laptop without those. Or was that strategic and you're tryin' to get me to look at you?

[sam_k_roth]

Do you have any idea how hot you look wearing these things? Plus trying to get you to look at me....you're staring at that computer like you're trying to melt a hole in it.

[psych2psych]

Well, we were talkin' about stuff and I didn't... [He shrugs and stands up, coming away from the desk toward Sam.] I know that you look hot in my glasses. So there's that.

[sam_k_roth]

You didn't what? [Sam still had his guitar around his neck but had finally stopped playing it.] No there's not that. You look hot in them. Gorgeous and everything sexy.

[psych2psych]

Ohhhh no, I think you've been looking in the mirror too much. You're describing yourself. [He moves closer, circling around Sam and coming up behind him. His lips press to the back of Sam's neck through his hair.]

[sam_k_roth]

Are you saying I am a narcissist? Better give you these glasses back, clearly you are blind as a bat.

[psych2psych]

I'm sayin' you're hot, gorgeous and everything sexy. [His hands rest lightly on Sam's his from behind.] Play somethin' else, Sam.

[sam_k_roth]

And I was saying the same thing about you, before you turned it around on me. [His head dropped and he looked down at his fingers on the strings.] You want to hear what I was dinking around with?

[psych2psych]

Yeah. [Mark breathed the word against the back of Sam's neck. His hands stay lightly on either side of Sam's hips and he starts to sway them side to side, his own hips swaying as well.] Let me hear it.

Just the chorus!

[sam_k_roth]

Keep in mind, not every lyric is literal. And? It's a baby song. Just starting to grow. [Sam cleared his throat and tested out the strings. He strummed a few times humming along for a second to get his tone right. When he felt sort of alright about it he began to play, his body swayed lightly with Mark as he played and sang.]

[psych2psych]

[Mark closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath of Sam. His face buried in Sam's hair at the back of his head as he listened to the song, his front just touching Sam's back as they swayed together, slow to the gentle beat of the song.]

I like it. Sad, but a little hopeful too.

[sam_k_roth]

I doubt you'd tell me if it was crap. [Sam said with a soft laugh.]

[psych2psych]

[Mark lets go of his hips and comes around in front of him.] Baby, I know crap when I hear it and what you create isn't it. Have a little faith.

[sam_k_roth]

Thankfully I've got at least a year or so before I have to really, seriously sit down and try to work on a record.