sixwordstories | (no subject)

Don't we all. Some people say it helps to get it out of your head by talking about it.

What if there's no real specific 'it'?

You can't recall the dream? I do that sometimes. Where I just wake up freaked out but I can't remember what I was dreaming.

No I mean, they're always different. They don't seem to be connected or make a lick of sense at all. They're just a bunch of bad dreams every night.

I'm all ears if you want to talk Gabe.

There's not much to talk about. It's just a slew of bad dreams that have left me with so little sleep I feel I might be going absolutely mental.

Something is there in your head. It doesn't make sense but it's coming through in dreams. I'm married to a really amazing psychologist if you want to talk to someone....

...or, you know, I've had nasty nightmares most my life. Sort of know about not getting the sleep I need because of it....

I don't want to bother Mark over something so stupid. It's just dreams. I'm sure they'll go away eventually.

It's not helping that I've never slept much to begin with. Right now I'm on day three of no sleep spare a two hour nap. If I could pinpoint what all of this darkness nonsense meant I'd be alright but I'm thinking at this point I'll just stay up and get so tired I pass out with no dreams.

It's what he does for a living, because he loves it. He loves helping people in whatever way he can.

Darkness? Like you are just trapped in darkness or something else?

But that's what he gets paid to do. I'm not about to do that to him when he's not even getting paid and I certainly can't afford to pay him and I don't think best friends take insurance. Not that my insurance covers that sort of thing. It's crap.

No it just ends in darkness. But I think that's just because I'm always waking up a second afterwards.

I just mean he's good with this sort of stuff, you know. Plus, he is a friend, which means you just get to talk to him without worrying about money or insurance. Not that I think you need a therapist...

What happens before the darkness?

He's a friend. Exactly. I'm not about to take advantage of my friends and use their skills for my own benefit.
I do need one, or so several people have mentioned, but I'm not going to see one. I can fix my own problems. I have for years. It just takes time and effort.

A lot. As I said. They're not really consistant. [There's a hint of hesitation, like he's not entirely telling the truth.]

I see a therapist.

Nothing about them reoccurs?

It works for people Sam, that's why they exist. It does not work for me. They don't tell me anything I don't already know.

No. They're always in different spots and everything said is always different.

Oh like they are telling you what to do or how to change? I always feel like 'Ru is helping me see something from a different perspective, to gain perspective on the situation. Which has been very helpful in learning how I can best cope.

But the general theme of the dream is the same.

There's no need to get like that Sam. I know what people see when they look at me. I'm not that thick. And I know what I need to do and what others want me to do in order to change. It's not so easy and to have to sit there for hours on end and have people go on and on about how terrible I'm doing at it, well, it doesn't sound appealing to me. But that doesn't mean I'm saying it's not for everyone. A good handful of my friends go and it works brilliantly for them.

I suppose so.

Get like what? I feel like there is something else going on here in this conversation and it has nothing to do with what I actually said. I'm not trying to convince you of anything, just talking.

You want a cure for nightmares, I'm just tossing around ideas. I talk to my therapist about my nightmares. It helps. She helps me make sense of the stuff in my head that doesn't make sense. That's all I was trying to say.

It sounded like you were being sarcastic. My last experience with that sort of thing was awful. I don't like thinking about it.
Everyone tries to convince me that I should go. I find it hard not to believe that you too aren't trying to convince me.

I want something else. I don't want to have to talk to anyone about it. I need a better answer.

It's worked for me, well it is working, it's helpful. That's all I meant by what I said.

I'm not sure what that answer would be, Gabriel. Dreams are a subconscious thing. Something is there in your head that is the source. Something you are afraid of. Something that is making you feel something that isn't good. Maybe some sort of trauma that you haven't dealt with. I think the only way you can cure it is by facing what is bothering you.

Or maybe you are just watching too many scary movies. I don't know.

Which is fine.

But nothing is bothering me. Not like what you're saying. I mean if I did have that I'd be dealing with it. But there is nothing. There's nothing there do explain any of this. Which is why it's extremely frustrated. It's stupid. Bloody stupid.

Maybe. Though I haven't watched much telly with everything that has to be finished before break. It's likely something stupid.