sixwordstories | (no subject)

Are you pregnant or something?

What? No! Why would you, of all the possible scenarios, immediately think "pregnant"? No!

Well, no coffee or alcohol usually means pregnant or Mormon. I went with the more obvious choice.

That's the more obvious choice? I have facial hair!

I know a lot of women with facial hair.

I am not a woman!

Okay, whatever you say.

So, how do you like Mormonism?

Also not a Mormon.

I have a...medical condition.

Are you sure it's not pregnancy? There was this girl at my school who thought she had the flu or something for a really long time, then she had a baby in the bathroom.

Really? Was she also a man by any chance?

Yes. I'm sure.

I mean, she might've been. I didn't know her that well.

Whatever this definitely-not-pregnancy medical condition you have is, sounds like it sucks.

It does. Sucks is the absolute right word. Unless there's a word for "more than sucks".

I think the generally accepted term is suckier.

That doesn't really have the impact I was hoping for.

Yeah, well, a lot of things suck. It's hard to make your own personal suckiness stand out.

Is that supposed to make me feel better, or worse?

I don't know, man. I guess that's up to you. Personally, I prefer feeling aggressively apathetic.

So, the thing you have. Is it terminal?

How does aggressive apathy even work?

There's this support group I go to, and everybody's always like: focus on the positive! It's manageable! You get used to it! And just once I'd like someone to be like: you know what? You're right, Marcus, that is awful. The situation; not me. But: awful. And sure, maybe in, like, incredibly rare circumstances you'll be thankful, I guess, for the, uh, condition. But mostly you'll just constantly wish things could be the way they were.

Um. That's...a good question. Technically no?

That's too bad. At least if it were terminal, you'd have something to look forward to.

But here, okay, let me give you a lesson in aggressive apathy.

Stop going to your support group. Stop coping. Stop trying to feel okay. Stop trying to convince yourself there's some point where things get better.

Accept that things don't get better, and everything's always going to be shitty, and no one's ever going to understand you or give a shit, and when they're dispensing their wisdom in support groups or, you know, here... they're always really talking about themselves, not you. They don't even know you, and they don't want to.

And once you've accepted all that, stop caring about it. When you have that down, find other things not to care about. You've gotta be proactive with your apathy or else you're just moping.

That is so true, and so tempting, but I've seen what happens when people like me stop trying. Things go bad really fast.

One time there was this SWAT guy trying to save me and my mom from a serial killer, and I boiled him from the inside out.

What's so bad about you?

...you did what?

Yeah, I kind of have this microwave power thing. It's pretty cool. And I liked the serial killer more than the SWAT guy.

That answers so, so few of the questions I have.

I am not sure that that was the best course of action you could have taken in that situation? But things are different now, and sometimes I don't even know anymore.

What's so complicated about it? It's just something that happened. Doesn't matter if it was the best idea or not.

Killing someone isn't really just "something" that "happens".

...It literally is a thing that happens, but you know what I mean.