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Drunk texts on a secure line.

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Please don't tell me Tony hacked my suit again.

Phil? What's wrong? Did someone drug you? Nat can pull you out, say the word

You didn't drunk text me "I miss you buddy boy...tweet...tweet?"

I'm afraid someone did Colonel Rhodes because your suit just tweeted to half of SHIELD. "I'm back baby USA rules and SHIELD drools...." Director Fury was not amused.

Oh god, you're drunk. Drunk texting Phil, this should be fun. Going to text dirty to me?

[Rhodes just puts his hand on his face a moment as he takes a breath and tries to calm down before he speaks again.]

I'll have a formal apology on the Director's desk as soon as I can. I think I'll be paying Stark a visit tonight.

Need a hand...I don't want to shock Tony but a glare from me works wonders.

Might misspell it if I tried....Ward and I cleaned out the Bus' bar.

What, no sexting me? Come on, try! I love me some drunk, Coulson.

I hear legends about that look. That might be payback enough to see him handle it.

Good I've actually missed giving it to him. Plus he has a better TV to watch Super Nanny on.

Who could possibly be interested in intercepting my drunk texts?

Half of SHIELD apparently.....did you call the number I left with Jane for some reason?

What do you want me to type.....I want to suck your cock?

Only if you really want to suck my cock.

Nope... Just a cab - wait ... I don't even have the phone numbers for most of SHIELD. How could I have mass texted them?

[a beat.]

Was it the text about a drag queen in hot pants or the guy with a kiddie pool?

Oh believe me I do....I want to suck you dry.

[Phil is not amused and his face reflects this.]

Both actually.

[Darcy tries to stop the laugh that wants to come out.]

You should've seen the guy with the kiddie pool though - it was hilarious! He even had rubber duckies - [Her voice trails off and she composes herself after a moment.]

... I promise I will turn off my phone so I do not accidentally drunk text SHIELD when out on the town.

Where do you want me? Tied to the bed so I can't touch you or myself?

Yes.......I want to see you come without help....just my mouth.

Oh fuck, Phil. You're halfway there right now. Can I touch myself?

Yes.....gently nice and slow don't want to rush this.

Nice and slow? You're killing me here, you know that right?

Yep......I'm that mean tonight.

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