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No. I figure it's better than the alternative.

How can you be sure?

Because the alternative is not having a future at all. Fuck that. I'll take my chances.

Is a horrible future better than none?

Yes. At least you're alive. Bad shit is unavoidable but you never even have a chance to find good if you aren't breathing.

What if it isn’t just about your happiness? What if you’re destroying other people’s lives?

Sugar, that's Tuesday for me. You get two choices. Just two. You're either the victim or the perpetrator. If you don't want to be one, you have to be the other. That's life, man.

[He shakes his head.] That’s not true, señorita. You can be the defender. The hero. Or... just a good person.

There are no good people or bad people. Heroes can be dicks. Even monsters can save kittens. People make choices every day that impacts everyone around them. Everyone else's choices impact you. It's up to you to determine how much you want to be impacted.

What if you have no choice? No choice about anything you do or say or any way you act? What if you simply are, and what you are is not what you want?

[She actually has unique perspective in this. She was possessed once.] You fight. You scream. You claw. And you dont stop. You never stop. Either they release their hold or you both die. Self preservation, baby. It doesnt get more basic than that.

[He lets the silence hang in the air, considering this carefully, weighing up options and opinions. But God he is tired. Tired of fighting even more than living. He doesn’t know if he can do that, but she’s right, it’s no excuse. Fighting is all that’s left.]

What if it hurts the people you care about?

I used too, but you can't live your life afraid.

Not really, no. The future is full of new friends and new adventures.

It could be filled with much worse.

But you can't ignore what might happen... Can you?

The past has had plenty of awful things in it too. Those have been survived. pick up the pieces, move on, find good again. Really it's the same pattern over and over again.

[It's difficult to tell if she's talking about herself or the world as a whole. Although, really, they're almost one in the same. She looks and even behaves young, but she's really the oldest thing around. And not likely to go away any time soon. She may be a bit batty as well as a side effect.]

Edited 2014-09-25 19:05 (UTC)

Yup. For now anyway.

What do you do about it?

Try not to sleep or go outside or otherwise cause myself to panic.

What if you can't do that? What if you can't do what you want? You just have to sit back and watch things happen?

That... does not sound good.

I pretty much expect to die anytime I leave the house.
The house is safe. Mostly. Except when I sleep.

Anna, you are going to kill yourself if you don't sleep or leave the house.

Not if I figure out a way to live forever, first. That doesn't involve vampirism or zombiefication, I mean. I was a terrible vampire.