sixwordstories | (no subject)

Aaah, don't be. It'll be fun. Really. Trust me. Does this look like the face of a habitual liar?

A-are you going to eat me? I... I don't taste like anything good like marshmallows. [ He's not entirely sure! ]

Also: Not a cannibal. Spooky dude, that's where your mind went? Remind me not to sleep over at your house.

Oh... gosh, I'm not a cannibal either! I imagine they're not as radiant as I am.

Oh good we totally have things in common. We both don't like eating people, I like the way this relationship is going.

Yeah that's some hair you got there, buddy. That's some Tresseme salon stuff going on.

Why thank you~! I brush it ever so often and I sleep with rollers as well.

Would you like me to style your hair? [ So helpful. ]

I can tell, pretty sweet. Bet it smells like lilacs and vanilla too. Least you got something to work with.

I don't have hair. Totally okay though, thanks for the offer.

[ Gilderoy bursts out in giggles. Eee. ] You noticed my new shampoo?

Oh... no- no hair at all? My goodness.

I can smell it from here, bro.

Not a single strand. Hey, I don't miss it.

[he totally misses it]

No big deal, just hair.

I do feel awfully sorry for you! No hair at all. Is that why you wear a mask?

Nah, the mask is for other reasons. Lots of handsome people are bald, just look at Vin Diesel.

Who on earth is that, sir? Do you resemble this fellow?

Some big name movie star action hero guy. Blows things up on television for millions of dollars, you know.

If he was attacked by a sentient fire creature!

Oh...! Are you famous as well? Did you get badly burned?

I don't know what I'd do. Perhaps end my life, I think. [ Honesty time! ]

I'm super famous, everyone knows me. Once? But I got better. All the scars are from other shit.

Face is that important huh? Are you a model or something? Totally understandable if you make money with that face.

Oh... that's wonderful! Although you may not be very pretty you DO have fans.

I'm very pretty but I'm not at all famous yet. [ Teehee. Gilderoy likes those compliments! ]

Yeah man, tons of them. [no he's lying] Totally don't even care about my face. Much beloved.

Well don't you worry, blondie, one day you'll be showing off your junk on magazines the world over.

Splendid! I'm very happy for you. We aught to swap signed photographs, don't you think?

[ Gilderoy beams before looking faintly puzzled. ] My... junk?

Yeah sure, I think I have a few things with my name on it.

You'll learn.

[ Gilderoy takes out a photograph of himself wearing pink robes and eagerly signs it with his, for now, plain feather quill. ]

I... I will? Oh! And what is your name?

Deadpool.

[No real names for you. And Deadpool pulls out: An autographed hunting knife. Careful with that]

Here you go, don't lose it in anyone.

My name is Gilderoy Lockhart. It's wonderful to meet you! [ Gilderoy signs the picture and hands it over before happily taking the knife.

Should you REALLY give Gilderoy a sharp object, Deadpool? ]

Super cool. We'll hang out be best friends forever.

[Hey, it's not like Lockhart can hurt him with the knife. Not a single fuck]

Just watch where you wave that thing, that's a titanium blade and shit, it'll slice right through bone.

I DO hope I won't accidently hurt anyone. [ Gilderoy never means to injure people but it does happen an awful lot.

But he's excited he made a famous friend! ]

Just find somewhere to stick it or something. They sell mounts for that. Or... scabbards or something. You'll figure something out.

[He is well aware he's giving Lockhart way too much credit.

But he's prettier than Bob, so he gets better treatment then Bob until something happens to make wade reconsider his life choices.

Also this is funnier.]

[ Bob probably isn't even a natural blonde! You've made the right choice... of course, in due time Lockhart will wear a toupee and get a little chubby so it all evens out in the end. ]

Oh... I'll find one, I'm sure! It is a lovely present.

[Probably not, but then Wade's rarely seen Bob without the Hydra gear. Everyone in Hydra is Bob.

But at least Bob is fit and trim]

Yeah it's great. Use it for tons of stuff, hunting, cooking, self defense, letter opener, lock pick, seat belt cutter, window breaker, fish cleaner. Tons of things you can do with a hunting knife.

Oh... I do need to- to clean fish sometimes. [ Gilderoy lies before flashing Deadpool an especially bright smile. ]

May I pretty please see you without your mask, Mr. Deadpool?

You'll need it one day, blondie.

Why?

I'd like to give you a make-over~!

I don't think a makeover is gonna save me.

But- but I'd like to try... surely that's what best friends do and I am QUITE the expert on how to look good!

Lost cause, wouldn't do it!

Pleaseplease~~? I'll use my make-up bag!

Not even for a million dollars.

But... but surely you can't be that unpretty?

I could.

And don't call me Shirley.

I...I- but- [ Gilderoy sniffs. This poor man... doomed to wear a mask.

He decides to get up and hug him. ]

[FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF]

... Uh....

Hey dude, I like you too?

I'm sending you all this marvelous, positive energy! It's just like your mummy's hugging you.

[HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA]

Totally feelin' it bro. Right in my heart, like a bowl of oatmeal for the soul.

Oh, I'm glad! I love to help my fans. [ Gilderoy pulls away and fixes his hair. ]

[Nah, let the airhead believe. Wade won't kill his dreams]

Sure can tell, heart of gold, Blondie.

Hush, it's ok. I'm only a little on fire, and I'll put it out in a minute. My own fire would never hurt me.

[Congratulations, while she doesn't look like one at the moment, you've stumbled on a phoenix. She's just taught herself how to take a human form. And is a little loony. This will be interesting.]