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He likes to think he's learning her again. Not all of her--not the way her hands feel or the scent of her hair or the weight of having her settled against his side--but the important things. He's learning to watch where tension lives in her shoulders. He's learning to notice where the words come to the tip of her tongue in consideration. He's learning how she smiles when she talks about Arik and how she smiles when she talks about everything else.

But he doesn't see this decision coming. He absolutely needs a moment to blink at her before he can believe she's actually said it.

"...really? You're-- sure?"

"Yeah."

She has to take a moment to make certain with herself that she means it before she affirms the words, but she finds she does. Finds she feels safe enough with Edgar that it can be allowed-- and that Arik is feeling less hostile towards any men who come near his mother enough to finally meet his father.

This can be allowed. Edgar can properly be in his son's life.

"I'm-- sure."

The pause is reassuring. The pause means this is a genuine decision, not something she'll regret in a heartbeat.

"...thank you, Rachel." It's important to say properly now. "Just-- thank you."

"...You're... you're welcome, Edgar."

It's still hard to say, but she has to allow it. Has to recognize that this is something she is letting him do and that he's allowed to feel grateful for it.

"When-- when would you like to--?"

"Now." But maybe that's too much. "Or-- soon. Whenever-- soon."

He's already missed years of their son's life. It can't be helped that now even a day sounds like too much more to miss.

"Even-- even if it's just for a few minutes."

It's a little soon. It's something that get her biting her cheek briefly before he relents.

She needs to glance at a clock before she decides.

"I'll-- I'll go home now. Give me an hour, then-- come over. That... should be enough time."

"An hour."

It takes a moment to properly pull his heart back from pounding so hard. But then he can nod, slowly and more steadily.

"I'll... I'll come in an hour."

"An hour. We'll-- we'll be waiting."

Perhaps not eagerly, but absolutely expectantly.

And he'll be there, prompt and obviously nervous. He's changed out of the suit he had been wearing, in case things don't go well.

If his son only has one real memory of him, he wants it to be of a man who looked soft and approachable, not wearing cloth armour.

Knocking is an entirely uncertain thing.

Answering the door is just as uncertain. Rachel opening the door is only really able to offer a nervous half-smile his direction.

"--Hi. Come... come on in."

"...hi."

It's gotten easier to see her, of course. It's gotten easier to be in the same space. But he's painfully nervous as he steps inside, fingers running compulsively through his hair.

"It's-- an hour."

"It is."

And there's still a pang of nerves and pain in her, as well. Still, she lets him in and indicates to a chair.

"Please-- sit. Let me... get him."

"All-- All right."

He can't sit anywhere by the edge of the chair. He can't breathe except painfully slowly in and out.

"All right," she echoes, ensuring he's seated before she goes to fetch their son.

It takes a few minutes to convince the boy to leave the room he's hidden away in. Even when he does so, he'll remain clinging tight to his mother, hiding slightly behind her skirt when they emerge.

Rachel waits until they've moved more properly before Edgar to crouch down and coax him from where he's hiding.

"Come-- come on, sweetheart. This... this is your father, Arik. Can you say hello?"

Arik stays nestled close against his mother, but peeks out enough to meet the man's eyes, "Hullo."

Rachel smile wavers as she glances up at the father of her child, "And Ed, this is... this is Arik. This is... your son."

For all his shoulders are tight with nerves, he can't stop himself from smiling at the sight of dark mussy hair and young quiet eyes. The pictures had been wonderful, yes--it had been easy to see from them exactly how much the boy looked like an Eicheln--but it's much better to actually see the living, breathing child.

It's also wonderful, in its own way, to see the way Arik clings safe to his mother. His heart aches for what's made it necessary, but surely there's something wonderful in the boy's obviously infinite trust of his mother.

"...hi there, Arik." The tremble in his voice is soft but likely audible at least to Rachel. Making his body as small as possible as he leans just slightly forward is an entirely unconscious thing. "It's... it's very nice to meet you, kiddo."

The fact Edgar's making himself smaller seems to soothe the young child. Still, he won't come any closer than he already is.

"It's okay, Arik," Rachel says softly, "See?"

She'll take a step forward towards Edgar, a hand outstretched towards his. It'll earn a sound of protest from the boy; have Arik move a little more between her and Edgar protectively, "No, Mama!"

"Oh, mon petit lionceau," she murmurs, settling more properly down so she can look her boy in the eye, "He's nice, Arik. He won't-- hurt Mama, nn?"

"Promise?" Arik asks, voice muffled as he buries in a little more before he peeks back out at his father. The question may be better a response to his mother's statement, but it's clearly directed at Edgar.

It's heartbreaking to see the way the boy half-tumbles forward. It's an impulse he remembers from his own childhood, and it shocks through him to see such innocent and immutable proof that both mother and child have been living through an even rougher version of that same pain for years now.

He needs a moment to breathe through the blinding flash of hurt. He needs another moment to edge properly off the chair and lower himself fully to the ground.

"I promise, Arik. No one's going to hurt your Mama now. And you don't-- have to worry about it all by yourself, okay? I'm-- I'm going to help make sure no one hurts her, if you'll let me."

Edgar settling closer has the boy looking nervously up him. Rachel's sigh is soft and more than a little wearied.

"I told you, Arik, you don't need to worry about Mama, okay?" the words are gentle when she speaks to her son, even if her expression is deeply pained.

Arik shakes his head slightly in response to his mother's words, really determined to worry regardless of what she said. He turned back towards his father with a sharp gaze, "Y'll-- keep Mama safe?"

"Kids worry."

It's murmured indistinctly, as much to himself as to Rachel. There's no stopping the worry of a son about a mother he wants nothing more than to protect.

Much more properly forward to the woman and child is his nod, gaze flicking from Arik to Rachel and back again. "I promise I will, just as long as she lets me."

Edited 2015-01-08 04:09 (UTC)

Rachel can't help the hurt that flickers across her expression at the statement. It's not something she ever wanted her son to do, after all.

But worry is exactly what Arik will be doing when he glances up at his mother again, "Let him, Mama?"

She says he's nice, after all. He's still young enough to trust her judgment on such things.

Rachel sighs again, nods after just a moment, "All right, sweetheart."

"'ll righ'." So after a tight squeeze to her leg, Arik will tentatively offer a hand for his father to shake.

It's going to be an interesting promise to keep. It's one he wanted to keep more than most he had ever made, but it's one which will rely very heavily on Rachel allowing him to stay at least this close.

He reaches out with careful solemnity to shake the boy's small hand. It's an odd thing, having his son's small fingers even briefly in his own.

"It'll get better, kiddo. You'll see."

"'t will."

At least that still comes out with a child's confidence and utter optimism about the world. It would break Rachel in half if Arik had lost that.

She still can't help looking a little shattered, now, even as she tries to hide it with the smile that comes when Arik's hand starts to cling to his father's.

The optimism is wonderful. It keeps Edgar's smile delicately in place as he gives the boy's hand a tiny squeeze.

"You and your mom will be safe here, Arik. She's got you, mm? And when she needs help, I'll be there. Sound good?"

"Yeah," Arik says with a nod, "'s good."

The boy, at least, seems content with the conclusion.

That's half the battle. Really, that's the more crucial half of the battle. Finding a balance with Rachel can come with time and mutual effort.

Making sure Arik feels safe and cared for--and that the boy feels his mother is safe--will stay critical for years yet.

"...can I give you a hug, kiddo?"