sixwordstories | (no subject)

Baby?

[Curled up on the sectional couch, Sam watched the snow falling through the large floor to ceiling windows that faced the lake. Even though he knew Ethan was coming he was still surprised to hear his voice. Sam didn't get up. He pulled the blanket tighter around his shoulders and called out.] I'm in here.

[Ethan follows the sound of his voice tentatively. On his back is a guitar case, which he rests against a piece of furniture before heading over to him.] Is it alright that I'm here?

Yeah. It's fine. Nikki told me you were coming...[His eyes are a bit vacant thanks to the meds he's on. Sam keeps staring out the window.] Sorry I ruined Valentines for you.

[Ethan looks out the window himself, trying to catch what Sam's staring at, but finds nothing. Disheartened, he frowns softly and kneels down next to him, moving exageratedly slow in order to not spook him.] You didn't ruin anything, dork. I just had no idea where you were.

Did you try to find out where I was? Or did you just assume I ditched you? [He pulls his knees to his chest and wraps his arms around them. His chin is resting on his knees.] Nikki and Matt and Janet...they all knew. They would have told you.

I got a call from Janet saying that my coming down had to be cancelled. I tried calling you and I got nothing. I figured you were busy. I don't know Matt's info to call him, and if you don't remember, I was pretty pissed at Nikki. So yeah, I was mad until Nikki popped up and told me what was going on. As soon as she did, I was on a plane here.

So busy I would blow you off on Valentine's Day even though I didn't have a show. Blow you off and not talk to you about it. Does that sound anything like me?

You're not good with communicating, so yeah. A little. I tried calling. Not on Valentine's. I didn't know you were in trouble and I was hoping you'd call me. I'm sorry for assuming shit. That's on me.

...you don't even know who I am. [His eyes drop and he stares at the floor.] You don't even know me enough to know I never would just shut you out like that. If you call I answer. If we have plans I'm not blowing you off. They almost killed me and you were off complaining about me disappointing you. It hurts, Ethan.

Did you once think that you should try to find out more? That this didn't seem like something I would do?

What the fuck do I know about finding out more? My only line to you besides your phone was your manager that I knew about and she wasn't giving me shit. I didn't know that Nikki was around to know what was going on, why would I call her? I don't know your tour habits. I'm sorry. [His face falls. It cracks. Moreso than when it was Ethan in danger. There's no anger, only vulnerability and self-loathing. He looks away.]

I was wrong.

You'd call her to find out what was going on. To tell her I was being an uncharacteristic asshole. And she would have told you what was wrong. I don't get your problem with her. Once you liked her enough to sleep with her and now it's like the two of you are arch enemies.

[Sam gets up and heads to the kitchen, still wrapped in his blanket.]

I need a drink.

I've told you my fucking problem with her. And she's not my archenemy. She's nothing close to that. I was angry with her. I wanted time to fucking process and you know that.

[He moves ahead of him.] I'll do it.

It doesn't matter. What the hell am I even talking about? Can't change anything or fix anything. There is no point in talking about this. Just forget it.

[Sam jumps a little and steps aside.]

I can make a drink.

You obviously want to. I fucked up majorly, but I'm here now. Why are you trying to pick a fucking fight?

[Ethan gives him a pleading look.]

I know you can. I want to take care of you.

I'm not picking a fight. I'm hurt.

[Sam looks back but there isn't much there. He looks lost.]

Okay.

How do I fix this?

[Ethan nods, hesitating a moment before moving in and kissing him, relaying all the feelings he can into it. His fear, his distress, his love, sorrow, joy.]

I'm not going to leave you behind. Fucking never.

I don't know. You don't know me. You don't love me.

[Sam doesn't mean to but he jumps and his heart races. He tries so hard not to but he can't help it. Tears even spring to his eyes. When Ethan pulls back Sam looks scared and like he feels awful about it.]

...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...Ethan...I can't leave her behind either.

[Ethan looks at him, hurt, angered a little, and definitely sad.] I came here, didn't I? The moment I found out what happened, I came here. How can you say I don't?

[His reaction catches Ethan off guard and he springs away, terrified that he's the one that caused such a reaction. That and his words make Ethan's own become dull.]

I'll go get that water.

Because you've never said that you do. Because you thought I would just blow you off!

[Sam grabs him.]

I'm sorry. I...they have me on these stupid fucking pills that are suppose to help. But they aren't. I keep jumping. I can't sleep...

No. Don't. I don't want fucking water and I don't want you to go get it...stop.

[He stays there, just letting himself stew before he finally breaks.]

Do you think I'd be here if I didn't? Do you think I'd have such a problem with Nikki if I wasn't? Damn it, Sammy, I didn't want it to come out like this. I wanted to tell you on Valentine's Day. But you never called and I got fucking scared. I thought you didn't want to see me. But I love you. God damn it, I love you and I'm not going to let it fucking end this way.

We'll get help if you need or want it. Someone took you, the way you are is understandable.

Ethan, I love you, I do. I'm in love with you. But, I love her too and I'm not...I can't...I can't walk away from her. I can't.

[He shakes his head.]

I just want to sleep without feeling afraid. I want to wake up and not panic. That's all.

[Ethan looks down at the floor.] I know. I just...I wanted to pretend. Just for a little while that it could work, you and me and no one else.

What can I do?

Why can't this work though? How it is? What we have, you and me, this is just us. Or that's all it has to be.

You can come here and try not looking like I just broke your heart.

But it's not. It's you and me. And you and Nikki. Maybe in the future it'll be you, me, and Nikki again. You're not going to have to wonder if the person you love is coming home or sharing your bed tonight. I'm not enough for you. I never have been. You were ready to end things when I walked through that fucking door and you can't say you weren't with the way you've been pressing shit today.

[Ethan looks at him, but doesn't move.] You need to start feeling comfortable around me first,