sixwordstories | (no subject)

Which rules and which humans?

Which humans? I think you lost me there.

Humans self segregate, and each group tends to have rules. Would you like a sociology book? It might explain more since you're um. Is robot an offensive term? Metal Person? Mr. Bright Eyes? Because they glow- um. What do I call you?

I'm not a robot, so I'd rather you not call me one. I'm a Cybertronian, or an Autobot to be exact.

Oh! I'm sorry. But a human could say Autobot rules were complicated.

Because they're really dumb, that's why.

I hate to break it to you, but we Autobots don't have rules about driving. I mean, who thought it was a good idea to put up a speed limit?! Are they nuts?

Tell me about it. I get the ones that are universal, but there are some that are waaaay too complicated. Or stupid.

You really only need a few rules.

Like, don't steal, don't hurt people that don't steal and um.....

Every Sunday is cake.

Like I said, universal rules like those are fine, and everyone gets them. Eh, I guess every Sunday is cake makes sense if you eat cake.

[ Someone made use of some free time looking through Google, and he's just lost at the really stupid shit that humans do. ]

I mean who in Nevada wants to spend all of their time wearing a mask. Talk about dumb. And here's one that is even dumber, one cannot hunt ducks while riding a mule. Who came up with these ideas?

I like cake, it's the best food ever. You don't eat cake? What do you eat?

[She giggles at the idea of it. Riding a mule and shooting at ducks]

Maybe it's because their God told them not to? One of them maybe... Humans have a lot of Gods and things like that.

Maybe one of them really, really, really doesn't like mules?

Nope, I don't eat cake. I eat this stuff called energon; it is this stuff we make out of energy resources we find here on Earth. And from what I hear, it is pretty toxic to humans, so please don't drink it.

[ Smokescreen looks up at the sky, and he squints his optics as he stares at the sun. A God made these rules; maybe the humans have a shitty God like Unicron and not a cool one like Primus. He then peers down at the kid, and he kneels down to her height. ]

Maybe they don't, or maybe mules might scare the ducks. But you think these rules have something to do with one of their many Gods?

So it's something only you can eat? What does it look like? What happens if I drink it?

[She doesn't seem scared in the slightest, though he'll have to get down pretty low to be on her level. She just heads right on over, humming in thought]

Maybe, but then why not say it's bad to ride a horse? Or a donkey? Or a pig! All of them are loud too!

Humans make lots of silly rules around Gods. Like... you're not allowed to do anything on a Sunday. And you have to wash your newborn baby in front of a little old man when it's first born. And you can't eat pigs, or some kinds of little fish, or cut your hair or wear some kinds of clothes or do magic!

And they get really mad when you break their rules and they do really weird stuff, like dangle you from a tree by your neck, or take your head off, or set you on fire.

Humans are weird.

[And all of this is just... casually related. You know, just talkin' 'bout murder]

Edited 2015-05-11 00:19 (UTC)

I'm sure there are other things out there that can eat energon. As for what it looks like, it is the color blue or pink and how it looks depends on how it is made. And if you drink it, I think it might kill you. So, I wouldn't recommend trying it!

[ It is the effort he feels that matters the most, and Smokescreen finds himself sitting cross-legged on the ground. It was far better than kneeling! And then there is a look of horror on his face when he hears about what the human zealots do to who do not follow their gods.

And here he thought the humans for the most part were good. Okay, he knew they weren't all good. Now he is wondering why Optimus is sticking his neck out for a species that likes to behead those who go hunting ducks while on a mule. ]

Wooooah, they're more than weird! The humans almost seem like uncivilized barbarians, but the humans I know don't seem to be the type. And you aren't the kind to burn people or take off people's heads. Please, please, tell me you aren't.

So it's poison? Wow, you eat poison as food.

[See that sparkle? That's a hero worship sparkle]

Well some of them are really terrible, but I haven't seen a lot of them like that for a really, really long time. They all sort of died off when things started getting... faster I guess. I guess they were too slow for everyone else.

I only punish people that steal from me. I haven't ever never taken off someone's head.

[But she has eaten Vikings]

I guess new things often seem that way. What did you do?

[ Smokescreen is holding in his hand a parking ticket, and he's trying to make sense of it. He hands it over to the strange human. ]

I don't quite get it. I was parked in a place where I wasn't, but it wasn't like there was anyone up at that hour. And besides there was plenty of space for whoever else needed to park there to park somewhere else.

It is poison to organics so yeah I eat poison as food.

[ That is some strange hero worship, but Smokescreen is down with it. And he can see how a giant robot that drinks poison might be seen as cool. ]

Phew! You've had me worried there, here I was thinking that the humans still did all of these things still. Waaait are you one of these gods?

[ Smokescreen is quick to hold his hands up in the air. ] If you are I've never stolen anything ever. [ And he's so full of shit. ]

Wow. I bet you're really really strong! Is that why you're wearing armor? Are you a warrior? Do you fight monsters and dragons?

[She's getting really, really excited now]

No, I'm not a god, I'm a fairy. But as long as you don't steal anything from me that's okay. I won't tell anyone.

[ The 'kid' backs up uneasily, obviously not used to getting handed stuff by giant robots. He has to take a step back to take the ticket and read it. ]

That... seems a little unfair. But some people figure if they start making exceptions, soon everyone will just ignore the rules. [ He shrugs helplessly. ] That's what Mrs Schroeder always says in history class.

Humans aren't very good drivers. If they go too fast, they crash and die. Or if they're bad drivers they crash. I don't think Autobots worry about accidents.

[ He wasn't sure who to hand it to, and he's sure the humans living at back at his base in Nevada won't know what to do with it. Smokescreen rolls his optics, and he does think the ticket was more than unfair. ]

But here's the problem. I don't have the money to pay, and I'm under strict rules not to let the public know that I'm an alien from another planet. Wait. I already messed up on that part. Oh boy, Magnus is going to have my head on a Fluoro-steel plate!

You don't happen to have the money to help pay for this do you. I can't pay it back with money, but I can't afford to get myself impounded.

Monsters?! [ He's seen some of the movies the kids back at the base watch, and Smokescreen whips out his cannon and he moves it about in fear there might be a monster creeping around. But then at the mention of dragons, Smokescreen nods his head. ]

I haven't fought monsters, but I have given a Predacon a run for its money. [ He is sooo full of himself. ]

Hey, and don't worry, I'm not going to steal anything from you. I'm one of the good guys, and I'm doing my best to keep those Decepticon creeps from stealing things from the humans.

[She bursts out in giggles as he whips out his weapon and looks for the aforementioned monsters]

There's no monsters right now! I was only asking if you fought monsters!

What's a Predacon? It sounds like a bird. Is it a very big bird with a giant beak and sharp talons? Does it eat metal people?

What's a Decepticon?

You have no idea how much this is, do you? [ He's not exactly judging there: it took him time to get his processor around just what everything was worth in human society, when his people first landed. ] Don't super-secret alien robots have ways of handling this stuff?

[ Come on, Erek, show some solidarity. He sighs. ]

...All right, maybe I can take care of it.

Not really, like I said, I'm not from these parts. [ Smokescreen is pretty sure they can fix it, but that means he's going to be in big trouble with his chain of command for not following those silly rules.

He shifts his optics from left to right, and he twiddles his fingers before he leans down to speak in a whispered voice. ] Yeah, but I don't want my boss to know. And the last thing I need is the thing you humans call, the boot.

[ And Smokescreen is going to give the most reasonable answer to both questions. ]

Both of them are horrible monsters that seek to destroy the Earth. But don't worry, we Autobots are doing our best to keep them from doing that.

They're trying to destroy the earth? Why? It's so pretty here. Why don't they go destroy something else that isn't so pretty? Aren't there icky places for them to go destroy?

The boot? [ Erek lifts his eyebrows, almost smiling. ] Is your boss really that bad?

Beats me, and the best thing about this planet just happens to be the endless miles of roads the humans built for their cars. And I've got no idea as to why they want to destroy this place, besides wanting to take all of its resources or to turn it into another Cybertron. Oh and Megatron is a big jerk.

Ultra Magnus is the picture of eternal crankiness, I swear that Bot doesn't know what the meaning of fun is.

He sounds like kind of a jerk. I guess it won't hurt if I cover for you.

[ Maybe he shouldn't, but Erek cracks a grin. Hey, he's pretending to be a kid - once he gets past the shock, he can't act like this isn't cool. ]

...I can't believe I just said that to an actual giant robot.

Hey! Being called a jerk is reserved for the Cons. Magnus just takes his job a bit too serious, and it wouldn't hurt him to stop and enjoy this planet we call home.

[ He pauses at the word robot, but he's not going to argue about the schematics on the whole thing. ]

Hey, I just appreciate anything that's going to wound up keeping me from being confined to the base until Magnus lets me out. And that might not be for a very long time, and believe me; I don't do well with being cooped up.

Sorry. I guess if you're trying to stay top-secret, he's got to be pretty strict.

[ One thing Erek isn't hiding is how closely he's paying attention, drinking in every word and learning from what he's told. Everything can add to what his people have detected about the newcomers. Even if he has to start from the beginning to hide how much he already knows. ]

I know what that's like. Being grounded sucks. But you haven't explained what- I mean, who you are. What is your job?

[ He won't deny that they've done a shoddy job at remaining stealthy lately. And it isn't even his fault this time! And he scrunches his face in disgust about his 'function', and he lowers his head. He was meant to be a member of the Cybertronian Elite Guard, but his dreams didn't pan out the way he was hoping they would. ]

I'm just a soldier, so I'm one of the guys who goes out there deal with the Decepticons. And if you want to know, they're a bunch of jerks who are trying to pillage this planet's resources.

And they're also a bunch of jerks who ruined our planet in their quest to take it over.

...You lost your home?

[ Erek's eyes widen, looking up at the Autobot anxiously. ]

I'm... I'm sorry. Is that why you're taking care of Earth? Because it's your home now?

Yup, my home's long gone, or at least it isn't habitable. As for taking care of the Earth, my boss feels like it is our responsibility not to let our war destroy this planet and not to involve the natives of this planet.

Edited 2015-05-17 19:48 (UTC)

[ Well. You've got his sympathy there. Even if you are a warrior. ]

I guess it's lucky for us that you're here then.

[ He studies Smokescreen for a second, then pulls a friendly smile. ]

So, uh. My name's Erek.