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"Aw, no. What'd you totally not do now?"

Well if you don't know I'm not telling you.

"Wade, I'm trying to give you the benefit of the doubt, here. C'mon, what is it? If it's a mess, we'll clean it up."

Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnope. Not doing it. You'll just rat me out to Daredevil.

"Is this something Daredevil would know about? Is this something Daredevil should know about?"

No.

[Someone stole Daredevil's blind guy stick. IT WAS SCIENCE OKAY]

"Wade, is that a cane?"

No. It's...

A really long baton.

From a parade. For blind people. I'm the drum majorette, want to see my outfit?

((I'd ask if you had the fanart to back up that bluff, but this is Deadpool and the Internet is weird.

*back to lurking like a creep*))

"Why would--no, no, okay. I got this. Wade, would you like me to take that cane back to Daredevil, and tell him I found it abandoned under a park bench, or something?"

No. I need it.

For science.

"Wh-what science?"

The 'how long will it take Daredevil to find me without his blind guy stick' experiment.

"You do know he doesn't need his stick to find stuff, right? And when he finds you with it, he's gonna hit you with it."

Can't hit me with it if he can't find it!

"What if he's got a spare?"

I'll steal that one too! Then I can duel wield Daredevil's blind guy sticks.

"You might want to go look for it, then."

Nah, I'll wait 'till he inevitably finds me and I'll take it then.

I'll figure something out.

"Okay, well, I tried."

Hey, it's not like he can kill me.

"Quick question: how do you know you got Daredevil's cane, and not some random other guy?"

Because I know where he lives?

"He never has guests?"

I broke a window while he was at work.

"Then why didn't he have his cane with him?"

Maybe I have his spare cane!

[Wade did not think this through]

I also dunked his toothbrush in the toilet.

"Aw, why?"

Because it's Daredevil?

"Yeah, he's gonna notice, like, as soon as he gets home. He'll just throw it out and get a new one."

Beat.

"I can't believe I'm giving you advice about this."

But I'll have inconvenienced him and he'll totally notice, so mission accomplished.

"To be fair, not your most impressive mission ever."

It's Daredevil.

If I was trying to impress someone I'd go stalk Logan again.

"Now he could kill you."

Nah, I don't die. But he can at least shut me off for a few hours.

"You really wanna tempt fate like that?"

Hey I don't have anything to do this weekend, may as well spice it up with some adamantium claws to my abdominal aorta.

"Whatever does it for ya."