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This music s-sucks.

[ Whatever it is, it sucks. ]

Well I happen to like it. *And everything else, but whatever.*

Of course you like it. I don't think I've seen something you haven't liked, you brainwashed toolbag.

Exactly! *He smiles wider, but his eyes are bleak.* Everything is good, and if we disagree we're punished. So we must all agree!

[ Rick takes out his flask and drinks, as usual, almost by habit. ]

Smiley-god sun whoever must really have you by the b-*burp* balls.

Ever ask why?

He is the Smiling God, and not ours to question. He desires our happiness, our loyalty and the slow yet steady unraveling of all things.

[ Yeah yeah, Smiling God. ]

Everything is already s-s-slowly unraveling, second sun or no second sun. If it was actually a god, it would know that already.

Sounds like a real fun guy from what you've told me so far, anyway.

[ Sarcasm. ]

Edited (fixed html) 2015-08-07 03:08 (UTC)

But with its help the unraveling of all things will be so much more exciting!

Oh, I know! Because work is fun, always fun, so very fun, and we must work hard! And play hard. Mostly work hard, though . . .

Exciting - how?

[ Ew. Work again, gross. ]

You only like to work because it - it's telling you you like to work. Fight the system, man.

Oh, all kinds of ways!

*He just looks at Rick with eyes as black as the Void.* You think I didn't try?

Well, you seem so bent on doing whatever the thing says like a goddamn c-*uurp* -circus poodle.

I couldn't picture you putting up much of a fight.

I was the last to fall. It meant that they did more to brainwash me than most--although they probably would have anyway, since I was the Voice. *He shakes his head, then takes a couple pills.* But that's good, r-right? So much lovely, wonderful light from the Smiling God is in my brain, ensuring that I stay the happiest person in town!

[ Rick idly wonders on a few things, mostly what's worse: to be brainwashed and happy all the time, or to be miserable inside and have the freedom to do anything. Meh. More whiskey! ]

Yeah, I'll b-bet circus poodles are happy too as long as the ringmaster keeps treating them decently and doesn't stuff 'em in kennels to starve when he gets a new act. Y'know?

What I'm saying is - is you're at this thing's mercy. Who knows how much longer it's gonna care about your "happiness."

But it cares now, and the now is the important thing. I mean, is the future really even real? Will we even be alive in the future? What IS the future, anyhow?

Time is just a way to keep everything from happening all at once, really. So I think we can safely ignore it, don't you?

We perceive time as linear, duh, so throwing the future out the window and pretending sun-god-things will care about people f-f-f-forever is stupid. The way we perceive time is the reason we do shit like have food in the fridge and make *urp* sure the toilet paper roll is full for later.

Stop trying to sound smart, Kevin.

But is our perception reality?

And does it even matter, in the end? When we have no power over ourselves and our futures, isn't it better to ignore them a-and smile?

[ He keeps talking like these are easy concepts to grasp. ]

No. S-shut up. Ugh, you're talking like we have no - no free will.

You don't, but not everyone's a slave to a grinning floodlamp.

None of us can control the universe. Sudden demonic incursions, angry hydras and inexplicable visions of dark planets lit by no suns can happen at any time. Free will is illusionary, for we bounce from event to event like balls in a pinball machine.

The Smiling God and His burning light is just one more event--oww! A wonderful event! But still not the worst--or the best! Oww--event to happen in the Bluffs. *He takes a few deep breaths and a couple more happy pills.* They need to up my dosage again, I think. Too many memories are getting through.

[ Rick rolls his eyes. ]

The huge stuff we can't control, maybe *urpp* but the other stuff we can. I can decide if I wanna do this or that. Ignoring free will and just letting everything happen to you? *burp*boorring.

[ He leans back. ]

Demons aren't shit. I beat up the devil once, dawg.

[ Rick watches Kevin as he goes through his little fits. ]

Or you can stop taking t-t-them.

But the huge things are the important ones.

There are many, many things I would rather not remember. Most of which I am gladly unaware of at the moment.

Psh, suit yourself. Keep being a toolbag your whole life, everyone else seems to enjoy it just fine.

[ There are things he'd rather not remember, too, but Rick deals with it. ]

Don't come crying to me when s-smiley decides to fuck your shit up. Wait, do, so I can say I told you so.

[ He chugs more whiskey from his flask. ]

I think that day's long past! But it's okay, I'm happy now!

Whatever helps you sleep at night.

[ Rick has doubts that Kevin is really happy. ]

I don't sleep if I can help it, it's unproductive!

*Yeah, that's because Rick has half a brain.*

And s-sitting around with me isn't?

*He grins.* This counts as an interview, and in any case I have three different Strexphones I'm typing on. Everyone works hard in Desert Bluffs!

*Don't ask how he's using three phones at once, it's not worth the confusing and disturbing answers you might get.*

[ His eyes narrow. ]

An interview for what? I already told you assholes I'm not working for you - *belch*

Just an interview. I host the local radio station, you know!

[ Rick taps on the mic. ]

Talk radio. Eugh.

Hey, Kevin, what does Strex-whoever sell?

[ ..A suspicious thing to ask after hearing they were live. ]

Everything! Whatever we need, Strex has it for us.

[ Well, scratch that plan. He rapidly thinks of another idea and leans into the microphone. ]

Hey everyone, listen up! Today is don't work day. You hear t-t-that?

[ Rick keeps an eye on Kevin and slowly slides away from him, careful if he turns violent. ]

[ He seems like he's ready for everything to go south and have to port out of here. This should be fun.]

We only register announcements like that if they're from official authorities, and only for inclement weather and supernatural disasters! I think the last day off was from that sandstorm that cloned people . . .

[ Fun ruined. ]

Maybe I should cook up a supernatural disaster then.

[ Nope. That's too much effort for something he really doesn't care about. ]

Might stop you people from being so boring, at least.

*He shrugs.* They happen about twice a month, so I don't think there'd be much change really.

[ Every fun ruined. Rick takes a swig of his flask again in defeat. ]

Well, Kevin maybe I'll make - make a really big one that shoots lasers.

[ glare ]

..But yeah, I don't know if anything can shake you cultist looneys at this point.

There was a cactus that shot lasers a while back . . . it became a barber, I think.

It would certainly take lots of work!

[ Way too much effort, plus, Rick still has some morals. He'd never really unleash hell on an unsuspecting reality for no reason. He was just trying to get a rise out of Kevin and whoever else listening. ]

Not surprised. Once things start shooting lasers for no r-r-reason, sentience is right around - around the corner.

I know, right? Although that one fountain that spews plasma instead of blood seems pretty insensate still . . .

[ Plasma fountain?! ]

You guys using all that plasma?

Not really. It's awfully hot stuff, and we're in a desert already.

You could probably buy access for cheap!

Sounds like - like a plan to me. I could use that stuff, if the price is *burp* right.

[ Free, preferably. ]

Maybe this planet isn't so useless after all.

*Nothing is free in the Bluffs, but the weirdest shit comes cheap sometimes.*

Nothing is ever useless! Just not living up to its potential yet.

[ Rick rolls his eyes. ]

Cut the motivational speaker crap f-for once, Kevin.

I'd probably be punished if I tried, so no thank you!