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[...silently standing nearby. Grieving for his nephews in his own way.]

*She looked at the runestone in her hand a moment longer before sliding it into Kili's lifeless one. She held it close, not bothering to hide her tears. She knew Thorin was there, even though she had not looked up yet.*

You plan to bury him?

[He had not moved for some time, her words waking him from his sad thoughts. Dear Kili...so young to be gone from this world.]

Soon.

[He wasn't ready to say goodbye just yet.]

May I be there?

*She knew her presence would not be welcome under the mountain, but... she felt she needed to be there. She wanted to say her last goodbye. It felt important.*

*The elf looked up at him, the sadness and despair seemed to radiate from her as she looked at him with pleading eyes.*

Please?

[He has to look away for a moment, lest he be found to have his own eyes wet. A short nod, no one would keep her away.]

Thank you.

*All her attention turned back to Kili. She did not care that Thorin was there, this was her time for her private goodbyes. The burial would no doubt be more public, this was her quiet moment. She leaned down to kiss those lifeless lips, wishing with all her might that he could return his affections. She wanted to stay with him as long as possible.*

[Thorin does not look. Knowing how his nephew felt about the elf woman. He had no right to interfere.

He quietly plucks a few notes on his harp, sad tones, searching for music to play.]

*The music seemed fitting, and she stayed put, cradling poor Kili until they came to fetch him, and take him back to the mountain to prepare. Tauriel did not protest, but she seemed reluctant to let him go. Still, she obeyed, staying seated in the fresh snow. She did not know what to do now. Banished from her home, and completely alone, she did not know where to turn. Swallowing hard, she pushed the lost feeling aside. For now, she could not be bothered to worry about her future. She had to say her goodbyes first.*

When will it be?

*She assumed he knew she was asking about the burial. What else would they have to discuss?*

[His playing stopped.]

Soon. [Sooner than they would like no doubt. But Thorin would see his nephews honored for their sacrifices. In the traditional dwarf way.]

But he fought to protect yeh, right?

Yes... But for what? He is gone.

*Right now, her sadness was overwhelming. She could not see any light, only darkness and pain.*

I am sorry that you have lost so much. I do not mean to be selfish in my grief, when yours is so great.

*She paused a moment, looking out over the ice and then back to him.*

Was it worth it? Your mountain?

[Heed was perched close to her and carefully moved a paw over to dry her eyes gently.]

It's hard, losin' the ones yeh care for, especially when yeh live as long as we do. He wanted yeh safe though, that's what matters.

*She shook her head, her eyes filled with tears.*

I did not ask him to make such a sacrifice. I did not want it.

This hurts too much. I cannot bear it.

[Lockheed's expression was genuinely sorrowful, it hurt him to see his friend this way.]

We all have heavy burdens to bear, my friend. Whether he asked it of yeh or not, he did so for you. But I am still here to listen, kay?

*She had many sorrows in her life before this. She'd lost her family, friends, she was no stranger to death, but this was different.*

I cannot see any light or path ahead. All I see now is death and darkness all around me. There is nothing for me now, so what was the point of giving his life for mine? He should not have done it. I should have never called for him. I should have just accepted my fate.

[He considers for a moment, looking back through the smoke towards Erebor. At this moment, it did not seem worth it. But he knew better. His people had their home back.]

Kili would say it was. [As would his brother.]

[Losing someone you really cared for or loved was a different kind of loss, right in the heart. Heed had lost lots of friends to the Brood and seen his X-Men allies die, but nothing quite like this.]

Yeh can't forget all the good times yeh had just because he's no longer around, Tauriel. And yeh must know he wouldn't want yeh to mourn forever. These feelings... Heed had some of them when I thought I lost Kitty. Went through a rough patch, really bad. But I knew she'd want me to keep doing what was right, even before I found out she was still alive.

Edited 2015-08-30 22:14 (UTC)

*Elves were strong and hardy creatures, but they felt grief so very deeply. When they suffered a great loss, they could easily mourn to the point of fading from the world entirely. At the moment, that was how Tauriel felt. She would like nothing more than to stop existing, if only to bring an end of the hurt. She not only mourned for one she loved, but she had also lost her home, and her entire world seemed to be crashing down around her.*

We did not have time together, and that hurts even more. I do not know what would have come of it all, and I never will. Should I have gone with him to the Mountain? Should I have returned to Thranduil's halls as ordered? Should I have even left in the first place? I do not know. I do not know anything now.

There is comfort in that, I suppose, that he would have thought it worth the sacrifice.

*However, she did not feel it herself. Her words felt cold, as she tried to convince herself of the truth in it.*

*She stayed silent and as much out of the way as possible during the funeral. Her goodbyes were silent, and her expression stoic as Erebor said goodbye to its princes. In her mind, she wished him peace, and whispered her own blesses so quietly that none could hear them but herself. They were not for the others, they were for her.*

*Afterwards, she stood at the gates, unmoving, staring out at the road ahead. She did not know where to go or which path to take, and felt so utterly lost that she could not bring herself to move a step in any direction. She did not know how long she had stood there, but the sun had rose and fell. The hours did not matter. Time did not help her make her decisions. Perhaps if she stood here long enough she would simply fade away to blissful nothingness. It seemed as good an option as any at the moment.*

They can be hard to keep. Promiseses be tricksssy like that, yesss.

[The Dwarves had gone back into the mountain, having much work to do to clear out the rubble. Make it fit for living again.

It's late in the night when the faint sound of laughter comes from the door. A warm glow of a fire and the smell of food. Tales were being told to honor the dead.

Thorin stood in the doorway, looking out at the motionless elf. Opting perhaps to let her find her own way. But the door was open.]

That is very true.

*She was still looking at the stone in her hand, her gaze distant as she thought about the past.*

Still... I cannot help but wonder what would have come to past if he could have kept it.

*She stood there for another hour, until the warm sounds of laughter and storytelling lured her back inside. She looked back at Thorin, almost apologetically.*

I... have no where to go.

*It felt strange to admit that, but it was true. She also knew that he would be well within his rights to turn her away. Her fate was not his problem, and there were not exactly kind feelings between their kin. She was banished from her home, and she did not know where she could turn now. At least here had a warm fire, and memories of the one she had loved and lost.*

Edited 2015-08-31 00:51 (UTC)

No one knowsss what could have been, Preciousss.

I suppose not. But I still miss him, nonetheless.

We underssstand. We wondersss about Deagol sssometimeses . . .

Edited 2015-08-31 04:06 (UTC)

[Like Tauriel Heed's own race could take loss very personally, they had after all waged a massive war against the forces of the Brood for eons following the taking of their home world. And like her much of his immediate family and fellow hatchlings had been taken from him. He'd become a warrior to counter this, but even so Heed knew that pain and loss shouldn't define you forever. And she was a good friend he was troubled to see so. He placed a paw on her larger hand.]

That makes the time yeh did have more important. I ain't sayin' that it was right or good what happened, but yeh can't spend the rest of yeh life thinkin' about the might have beens.

The past and what might have been is all I seem to have left.

*And it was certainly easier to focus on that than her uncertain future.*

I loved him. It is a shame I never said it.

[He looked to her before shaking his head. He understands.

Handing her a cup of ale.]

You have somewhere to go.

[She was welcome. But not a word to the elf King.]

*She looked surprised for a moment. Part of her had half expected him to shout and demand she leave, telling her that her kind were not welcome. His hospitality brought a certain light back to her sad eyes, and she smiled faintly , accepting the cup.*

Thank you.

*Simple words, but her tone spoke to a much deeper gratitude. She was in debt to him now for his kindness, and she would not forget it.*

Many bad thingses happen. Isss not fair, we agree.

Of course not! The future's just lookin'... well, what happened is recent, so it hurts bad. And it might always hurt somewhat. But yeh can't go hatin' yehself and what happened forever, kay?

No... I imagine eventually I would fade.

*And that was a morbid thought, but she would almost welcome the peace.*

I have been banished. There is no where for me to go.

No! Yeh not givin' up like that! It isn't right to feel that way, and yeh must know he wouldn't want yeh to feel that way.

Yeh can come with me, if yeh want. Ain't like dragons are welcome much around here either.

To where?

Wherever yeh want. If I was certain how to get back to my world yeh could probably come and visit there. Though there ain't any elves there, so yeh might be kinda lonely that way...

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Tolkien would put a brilliant song here

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OOC: She is one sad elf. Sorry. I have my "sad elf hat" on today it seems...

Skipping the funeral scene and giving Thorin a Tauriel statue... everyone wants one for their lawns!

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Awwww, no worries, funny thing was Dad was watching BTTFA last night.

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