sixwordstories | (no subject)

And I could fall for that Harley Quinn! Yowza!

Might needa' step it up there, Mistah D - seein' the darker side of the Bat was pretty damn sexy, gotta' say.

He did murder the crud out of some people, which is so very not the Bat. [grumblegrumble] I can be dark too...

Awwww don't be jealous, puddin'! [She pinches his cheek and grins affectionately.]

Instead of mopin', you could, y'know, tell me how ya' would be dark for me. [Wink.]

[rubs his chin and thinks]

Well, first of all, I'd change my voice from yellow speech bubbles to the dark Christian Bale gargle.

[leans in to whisper sweet gravelly incomprehensible nothings in her ear] Aaa;kleraaioughalksdjfguha;lkjarhgh. [Doesn't sound so dark?!?]

[She blushes at first when he leans in, eyes wide waiting for him to speak...]

[Only for her mouth to settle into a perfect line as she glowers.]

....that's really damn hot, puddin'...

[The sarcasm is almost literally dripping off her sentence.]

Not a Christian Bale Bat fan?

Okay fiiiine. [teleports her to a Deadpoolmobile and starts driving through town shooting up other cars with his giant car guns] How's this???

I am. But that wasn't words, puddin'. But thanks for playin'! Besides, I like your regular voice too much.

[Aaaaand suddenly she's in the Deadpoolmobile...which is apparently a thing? Why is she surprised? She just sits in the passenger seat for a minute before grinning madly and sitting on the edge of her seat.]

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Faster, puddin', faster!!

It was words, but you couldn't understand them! That's what makes it Batman! Batwords?

[It totally does, actually! Although it's kind of a repurposed Spider-buggy that recently appeared in the Spider-man/Deadpool title. Aw yeah! Nerd knowledge! But the guns might be a new DARK addition just for Harley.]

YEEEEAAAAAH!!! [He puts the pedal to that medal and does all of those crazy tricks Batman was doing, throwing cars into other cars, gunning bitches down, randomly going in slo-mo and fast-mo because Zach Snyder, and you know, the stuff that is generally OOC for the Bat but totally IC for the Deadpool. Actually, epiphany, what does it say about a depiction of the Batman if Harley Quinn likes it???]

You wanna take the gun controls and be a little dark yourself??

[Eye roll.] Sure. Let's go with that.

[But her eyes light up at his offer, and suddenly she's as giddy as a fat girl in a candy shop.]

REALLY?? Can I??? Oh pleeeeeeeeeeeease Mistah D!

Of course!!! You can be my gunner gal!! Have at! [He pointed her at the weapons controls]

Oh wait, I'm supposed to be playing it dark..um...[adjusts his demeanor]

Those buttons there. [gruff voice] We're after the kryptonite. Shoot anything that gets in our way.

[Still in a dark voice] If you need help, ask Teddy. He's my usual gunner. [A teddy bear stares up at her from beside the seat. Does it judge her for taking it's role? Maybe a little. But that's just part of the gritty darkness. Judgy teddy bears.]

[She blushes and wiggles excitedly in her seat.]

Ooooooh Mistah D! That's what I was lookin' for baby!! Makes me wanna' play with a different joystick....

[Of course she reaches over and gives his cock a squeeze, but then she's immediately back to the controls, eager to fire off a few rounds at least.]

Hasta la vista, Bat-y!

[The sound of rapidfire bullets rings through the air as Harley opens fire - not really taking the time to aim, just firing at anything and everything.]

Hey, nothin' sayin' you can't multitask!

[The amount of property destruction alone is probably enough to keep her happy for hours. Her bullets tear through anything and everything she shoots at]

[And she does indeed unleash holy havoc upon any- and everything that she sets her eyes on.]

Puddin' this is AMAZING!!!

IloveitIloveitIloveitIloveitIloveitIloveit!!!

[Oh what a death toll...but they were nameless NPCs so it was okay. However, they were being chased by the Bat now in his Batmobile]

Batman: [through a loudspeaker on his car] HARLEY!!! STOP THIS RIGHT NOW!!! YOU'RE BACKSLIDING!! YOU'RE BETTER THAN THIS!!!

Uh oh...we have a party pooper Batman appealing to your good and moral side...

[At first Harley tenses at the sound of the Bat's voice. Reflex. But then a grin spreads across her red lips, and she looks over to Deadpool.]

Does this thing have a sunroof?

Of course!!! Well, technically it's a buggy so it's all sunroof, but the exposition department failed you on that so we'll assume it's more like the Batmobile, only for Deadpools and Harleys. [pushes a button, and it retracts] Viola! You gonna flash him all Mardi Gras style?

[She holds a finger up to shush him. Can't go giving the punchline away now. Harley pops up, pressing her thighs into the back of the seat she was sitting in and, just as he said, whips her top off to flash Batman.]

SUCK IT, BATS!!

[Imitates Batman's gravelly voice] ....Hot DAMN, I really, really, really, REALLY want to SO BAD. Those are the most perfect breasts I've ever seen!!! I will now Bat-cry myself to Bat-sleep every night because only Deadpool has the exclusive rights to such perfect breasts as have never existed in the history of breasts. I have been with so many women, but my life will now never be complete.

[He's probably on to something though, because the Batmobile totally swerves behind them and runs off the road]

Batman should really learn not to engage in distracted driving...

[Harley gives a flirtatious little wiggle, making her breast bounce and jiggle more before she drops back down into her seat again.]

Poor kiddo - I've ruined tits for him for all other women.

[She leans in and presses her chest against his forearm.]

All for you, puddin'!

You've ruined tits for me for all other women. Fortunately, I need no other women because I have you!!!

[He glances down and his eyes go huge. It doesn't matter that he's seen them up close and personal plenty of times. He always goes wide eyed.] Bring that chest up a little, baby. It's time for some distracted driving of my own, because Puddin's goin' boatin!!! Call out the directions for me! Or...you know how to drive a stick shift, right? You could just direct me with that!

[And of course, he dives into her chest and starts merrily motorboating]

Well it's only fair, you've ruined dicks for me for all men!

What're ya-

[As he motorboats her, Harley cries out in surprise and blushes. Her hand goes to the steering wheel, helping to guide him into not hitting so many obstacles.]

Left puddin'! Watch out for the old lady there!

[Harley tugs on the steering wheel and tries to avoid the little old lady who's nearly in the road.]

Really??? [he beams...that is high praise coming from the woman of so many fantasies!]

[Somehow, he manages to skirt left around the old lady. She gives them an old lady scowl, but can't be bothered to even shake a fist at them. She has seen so much, given all of her fucks, and honestly has no more fucks left to give. She just toddles on, groceries in hand.]

This is honestly the happiest I've ever been...[he murmurs into her cleavage as horns blare all around them]

O' course, really!! Wouldn't have said it if it weren't true, dummy!

[She raps her knuckles against the back of his skull.]

Hey! What about all the times you've been in balls-deep? You're gonna' tell me you're happier now than you were all those times??

[GASP.] Watch out for the puppy!!!

My Harley doesn't lie to meeeee!! [beams]

[swerve, swerve, swerve] Oh good point...those times were the happiest. Especially when I was balls deep with my face right here.

[hits a button and the car does a little hop, narrowly missing the puppy! But then they're bearing down on some dudebros that are making catcalls at Harley]

Never puddin'!

[Harley gives a shrill yell as the car hops - definitely wasn't expecting that! But she laughs and grins down at him. Thank goodness they missed the puppy!]

[She pouts, frowning at the guys making catcalls.]

Ya' hear those guys callin' out to your girl, cowboy? [She's curious what he'll do to them, or anyone who makes a move on her..]

Now I've gotta ask...am I bigger than the Joker?!

[grumbles into her cleavage and sits up] I do...[mows them down] It'll be hard to catcall from a wheelchair, douchebros!!!

You know, I missed an old lady and a puppy and took out some assholes. I'd say that's a pretty good run.

[Harley laughs and leans down by his ear.]

You're the biggest, puddin'...bigger than Mistah Jay and Deadshot too.

[As he runs over the rather rude doucheballoons who were calling out to Harley, she grins and thrusts both arms in the air.]

Yahtzee! Mistah D for all the points!

[He beams] YES!!! I mean, not that it's a competition, even if it kind of is, I just have to be better than anyone else who's ever had a shot at you!!

[She kisses his cheek and nuzzles against his cheek.]

You are, cowboy. Most definitely!

[Side hugs her close to him as they drive on into a sunset] If they ever come after me for stealing you away, I want you to tell them that too.

[She curls into him and grins up at him.]

Will do, baby. First thing!