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Some days aren't difficult to improve on.

[There's a small smile as he takes a sip from his cup of tea.] I'm not going give you useless platitudes. I'm sure you've already heard them all.

I feel like anything would be better than this.

You wouldn't dare suggest that it gets better when we both know full well it does not. [He says bitterly.] It is very kind of you to see me when I am like this, Malcolm. You are like a silver lining.

That's why saturating yourself in cheap liquor is such a popular option.

[Jack reaches over the bar snagging a second glass and pours two fingers of whiskey from the bottle in front of him. The weighted glass is set in front of Percy.]

One way or another, all days end.

[Malcolm knows that nothing makes a situation worse then well meaning people trying too hard to make one feel better.] No, I wouldn't dare. I know how grating it can be.

[He returns the cup to its saucer on the table.] I wouldn't dare. But, I can offer an ear and a cup of tea.

I just would like to be happy again and enjoy the people I am with, without comparing them to my late husband. I don't know how to move on from this.

[A small smile tugs at the corner of his mouth.] Thank you. [He picks up the glass and inhales the liquor.] Hmm. I seem to be more acquainted with endings as of late.

It has only made me an alcoholic.

The life of an alcoholic is a life seeking oblivion. Which still feels better than grief.

[The twenty-one year single malt Irish whiskey seductively promises to make that ending better.] And you are upright to see that sunset. I'd say you gave better than you got.

It's going to take some time, Charles. It will never be better, but perhaps it will start to hurt just a little less. I wish I knew a way to help you.

Edited 2016-04-13 23:57 (UTC)

I choose to have grief over oblivion. I cannot stand oblivion.

It has already been a year and a half. [And he was growing impatient.] You have shown me immense kindness and friendship. [He sips his tea.] Because of you, I have begun to feel more like myself.

[Charles gives the bottle an approving look.] I am. I wouldn't say better. I was being given whatever I wanted.

Either someone was playing to your kinks, or you do not hold yourself with worth. [Eyebrow lifts asking which was it, or a third he hadn't yet figured out.

[A smirk flirts on his lips. This is an enjoyable game to Charles. He did not normally have someone trying to analyse him.] I'm living in the aftermath of my lover's death after a nineteen year relationship. Every time I think I have things mastered, the grief and anxiety return.

I am sorry to hear that.

[Which? the loss or the reaction to loss?
Both.
Loss guts a man.

Jack refills his glass then swirls the amber liquid watching at the liquid clings to the sides.]

You are dressed to fill your days with activity.

Thank you. I appreciate the sentiment. Logically, I know this will bring me no where, but still I can't push past these emotions. [It was vexing for a man who could otherwise overcome anything with logic techniques to acquire what he needed.]

Oh indeed. [He drains his glass and picks up the bottle and refills it.]

You hear signals and with eyes closed you feel it, but when you try to use it, it is startling to find that a limb has been cut off, separated from the whole.

[Not simply a piece of you but an integral part.]

That isn't the same. I've loss use of my hand before, and that was definitely different. My thoughts still stray to my husband and I go between feeling like I cannot breathe and my stomach is in knots. Occasionally I will wake up and reach for my mobile to see if James has texted me.

[Twitched.
The name was common, very common. There was no connection. An admonishment.]

[Stomach in knots or in his boots or as twisted as the rest of him.]

Yes.

I feel lost. I don't desire death for myself, but it's like I no longer know how to live without my husband present.

No direction. No goal.
(Tosses back the drink relishing the burn.)

I'm happy that I've been able to provide you with some assistance and perhaps a bit of a distraction.

[He smiles.] Mmm. I'm very fond of you, Malcolm. I'm grateful that you have shown interest in me despite how I am a field agent.

Sympatico. Who were you before you lost it all?

[Someone's Tiger, not saying what could be misunderstood.]

More than just an every-man Jack, I was his. I was his link to sanity when he lost it, his link to the world when it was too much to engage...

[Rubs a hand through his wavy hair, scattering the neatness.]

How about you?

[There's a laugh, something he couldn't help.] Despite evidence of the contrary, I'm not completely against field agents as a rule. Just some of them. Especially those with a careless disregard for expensive pieces of equipment.

We have a reputation for being quite destructive, don't we? [Charles smile doesn't fade.] You should compare notes with Merlin some time. He has ways of dealing with troublesome agents.

I think I would be more interested in comparing the expense reports. It's a miracle any of us are given a budget.

Do agents try to destroy equipment on purpose?

I think that would prove a very interesting comparison.

[Dryly,] Yes.