(no subject)

[colonelcannibal]

 Stabbing is bad for making friends.

Comments

[candysgirl]

It is a good thing that I am not planning on becoming friends with this cake.

[colonelcannibal]

Fair enough. I was just thinking aloud, really.

My thoughts tend to be unusual.

[candysgirl]

Are they all of death related?

[colonelcannibal]

Only mostly.

The fact that I have to remind myself of that fact is probably not a good sign, though.

[candysgirl]

It's not, but would you like some cake?

[colonelcannibal]

What kind is it?

[candysgirl]

Vanilla, with strawberry filling.

[colonelcannibal]

I'll have a small piece, then.

[candysgirl]

[She cuts him a very tiny piece] Is that the correct size, or will it mess with your figure?

[colonelcannibal]

*He laughs.* I'm fairly sure that my figure will survive.

[candysgirl]

I cannot eat this entire cake by myself. Please have a larger piece.

[colonelcannibal]

Oh, very well. Since you were polite. *He still seems more amused than anything, really.*

[candysgirl]

Thank you. My father insisted on proper manners. she serves him a large slice of cake, then cuts one for herself

[colonelcannibal]

He sounds like a good man. As long as he didn't force manners down your throat or anything.

[candysgirl]

No, my Daddy was the best father I could have asked for. We did everything together until married. My stepmother wanted him to work more, and then he was killed.

[colonelcannibal]

Killed? He didn't simply die, then?

[candysgirl]

He was outside of a club for one of his jobs, and someone in a car fired a gun as he passed by. I was supposed to be with him, but I stayed behind because the bartender made me a Shirley Temple.

[colonelcannibal]

Sounds horribly pointless. I'd offer a hug, but you probably don't want one from me.

[candysgirl]

It got my Stepmother life insurance, and she gets to use my inheritance for another seven years. She says it was one of the best days of her life.

My father died ten years ago, I don't need a hug. I have cake.

[colonelcannibal]

Are you sure your name's not Cinderella, lass?

And very good cake it is. *Although he'd prefer the stepmother.*

[candysgirl]

You're not the first to say that! *she laughs* Cinderella waited around for a Prince and a Fairy Godmother. This is real life.

I baked it earlier, please, eat as much as you would like.

[colonelcannibal]

I'd hate to have a Faerie godmother. Classic faerie lore is rather disturbing stuff.

I will. It's good, if not what I'd like to be eating.

[candysgirl]

Yes, you're not the first to tell me. I don't mind a little hard work.

I don't serve people as meals. You will have to find another cook for that.

[colonelcannibal]

Perhaps you could introduce me to your stepmother some time?

[candysgirl]

The next time that she gets me back at her house, I'll tell her all about you.

[colonelcannibal]

Well, not everything. *He grins.* Don't want her running away before dinner.

[candysgirl]

That's a really nice offer, but I'd rather not have my friends kill my enemies for me.

[colonelcannibal]

Oh, but what are friends for if not dealing with each other's problems?

But fine. If you kill her, though, I want to hear all about it. More than hear about it, even.

[candysgirl]

She will be dealt with, but in a legal and proper way.

I will not kill her. All I really want is for her to leave me alone.

[colonelcannibal]

Where's the fun in that? I'm sure some part of you wants to kill her.

[candysgirl]

No, actually. If she had no family or friends, I still do not wish her dead.

I want her to suffer with what she's put me through, so that she understands how it felt. Death is an easy way out. Once she is gone, she will never have to suffer again.

[colonelcannibal]

That is a good point, but there are better ways to make her suffer than the legal way. If I were you, her unpleasantness would cost her an arm and a leg.

[candysgirl]

Cinderella's stepsisters each lost their eyes and part of their foot, if I remember correctly.

[colonelcannibal]

See? A limb or two is only proper, really.

[candysgirl]

I'll let the universe take care of it.

[colonelcannibal]

Why not give it a hand?

[candysgirl]

I will confront her. I will not remove any of her limbs. I wouldn't know how to do that and keep her alive if I wanted to.

Oh man, I didn't even notice that pun until I'd already written it

[colonelcannibal]

*He shakes his head in mock despair.* What do they teach in schools these days?