sixwordstories | (no subject)

And yet.

I hardly need an invitation to a cell on my space station.

[He crosses the threshold between them, waving distractedly with one hand at the hologram between them as he approaches. The grinning Deliverance reject breaks back down into the disparate patterns of light that made it.]

Apologies for the intermittent holograms. Our training systems are currently in the process of an upgrade; that creature was an opponent from one of the more primitive scenarios, I believe.

No, this is my cell, ergo, you totally need permission to be in here.

Because last time we talked you threatened to kill me.

Like... again. It's like we can't even have a reasonable conversation.

You pushed my patience past its limits. One would think you would have learned the dangers of that when first you were brought here.

But I have not come to talk of earlier... disputes.

Tell me, Wade Wilson, how tired are you of this cell?

Oh so now it's my fault you have a bad temper.

When you put it like that it almost sounds like you want to take me out of this cell.

A temper is only bad when it is riled. And you are peerless at the art of riling tempers.

I want nothing. It makes no difference to me if you step outside this cell today or remain within for the rest of your days.

But... it is a waste of your abilities. And you already proved your skill at motivating at least one of my Acolytes. So I come now with an offer, one which you can accept or decline entirely as you see fit. I will not coerce you in any way. And if you accept, you will be allowed limited, probationary periods outside this cell, with the potential for those periods to be extended if your behavior is good. If you decline you will remain here, but I will not punish you for it.

Will you hear my offer?

Or you're just a big shitty baby.

You're gonna hurt my feelings like that, Exxie.

[But, wonder of wonders, the merc actually does shut up to let him sort of explain what the offer was. Geeenerally. Mostly the benefits of the offer if he decided to not be a shithead about it]

... Alright. What is it then? And it better be good, because I've gotten really emotionally attached to this room.

The oldest of the X-Men is but a child to me. I am as far from infancy as you are from cowardice... or from good manners.

[Not that he really minds the mercenary's coarse language anymore. Truth be told, he's almost starting to get used to it. (Not that he ever intends to tell him, of course.]

Oh, fear not, you will still be allowed to spend ample time in it. [Is that a smirk? It just might be.] But what I offer you is one hour outside of it, three times a week to start, during which time you will serve as my duly appointed combat instructor. Avalon recruits new mutants by the day, and most of them are as the Neophyte was, soft and weak. I can teach them how to fight, and how to win, but all my training means nothing if they have not the motivation to use it.

As a condition of your release you will be required to wear an inhibitor collar whenever you are not in this cell. Your abilities will not be suppressed, as I think you should be at your fighting best to be an effective trainer, but I will have direct control of the collar, as a safeguard should you attempt escape.

Are you like just missing the point of these insults on purpose? Please tell me you are, I need some faith in you.

[Oh good. No, he can't resist the joke. He tried. He failed.]

I gotta wear a collar? Do I have to call you daddy too or is that just in private?

[OKAY NO REALLY]

Whatever, not like you can't pop my brain from a distance anyway. I need to fucking move my legs at some point, I'll do it.

Of course, you invited me!

[ Vaclav is holding two pizza boxes in his hands, and he looks confused as to why he was told to come here but not to. ]

I even brought two pizzas with everything on them! Sorry, but I don't know what it is you want on yours.

I have kept you alive when Lord Magneto would have commanded your death. Is that not reason enough to have faith in me?

[At first he just stares blankly... and then it hits him. And yes, he sighs.]

Again with the innuendos. How do you ever get around to slaying anyone with your mind always so fixated on sex?

[LOOK BLAME THE GENOSHANS OKAY IT WASN'T HIS IDEA TO MAKE THEM LITERALLY COLLARS.]

This is a responsibility I do not entrust to you lightly, Wade Wilson. These youths are the future of mutantkind. When the humans burn Xavier's doves at the altar, our hawks will be there to force them onto the pyre.

You also totally popped my head like a zit. So.

[It's so hard to keep a straight face. He's doing it, but just barely]

See, you say that, but then that's the only joke I've told that you've gotten. What does that say about you?

See, that sort of talk makes me wanna not help you because like I'm trying to not be an awful person and wanton rampant burning people I disagree with kind of makes me less of a good person.

You left me little choice. Very rarely has any single man ever pushed me to the limits of my powers as you did.

[Now he's trying to scowl. And knowing Wade's trying not to laugh just makes it that much harder.]

Even in my day we had men who were... how would you say, "into that". One actually got himself captured by the Saracens in the hope he would be taken on as a pleasure slave.

Who said anything about wanton burning? Xavier's doves will be given their chance. We will not force a war. But you and I both know that it will come. Xavier is an old man dreaming, but one day they will come and shake him awake and he will see it was only a dream he had all along. And they will kill his children, all of them, because he taught them how to fight but not how to kill.

And I didn't even get a teeshirt for that, Jesus. At least I have all the baguettes I can eat. Even if they were made by a kid with the cooking skills of a sea slug. Who teaches these assholes how to cook? Don't say you, you're French.

... So did he get it or what?

Prior to wanton burning and then when Jean bites the dust for the five millionth time we're gonna go out and set everything on fire. Dude, everyone's died like at least five times. I think I've killed them all at least once.

They pick up what they can from where they can. We all do. Is your meal not up to standard?

They burned him alive and left his body for the vultures. It was still there in the sands when we arrived months later. It might be there still.

Isn't Jean still dead? Did she resurrect once more? [How is this even a question he is asking.] Never mind it. Even if every one of Xavier's followers can return from the dead, the mutants who take sanctuary here cannot. They are not blessed with favor from cosmic forces or bizarre sorcery. They must know how to fight, and kill, if they are to survive.

It's fine if you like chewy bread. I can cook better than this.

Well damn. That's a boner killer, thanks for the letdown.

I don't pay attention to this shit, she dies every other week. Maybe she's a vampire this time.

Look, you give me a place to sleep that isn't in here and food to eat that isn't chewy bread, and I'll teach every stupid piss baby in here how to laser a guys face off and make bad jokes about it, alright?

I was not aware that chewy had become a bad quality in bread.

It's for the best. Dwelling on such things only clouds one's vision from what truly matters anyway.

By all that's holy, I hope not. Bad enough the X-Men have even one vampire among their number...

... All right. I will give you my trust in this, Wade Wilson. I hope, for your sake as well as mine, you do not betray that trust.

[From under his cloak he produces the collar, and why yes, it is bright yellow and straight out of the nineties.]

I like crunchy.

I don't think it was the best for our gay gangbang fetishist. I think it could have ended better in his opinion.

[Lord almighty, Exodus]

So does it come in any other color than Super Nineties.

Perhaps you can teach us-- them how to make this crunchy Deadpool bread you speak of then.

He put his lust ahead of his common sense. What other fate could there be for such a man? I am amazed you have survived so long with lust so close to your thoughts.

[What? He doesn't see the problem. ~~Not that he would~~.]

They were made by the Genoshans to be distinctive. I've never seen one in any other color, but if the yellow truly offends you...

[He tightens his grip on the device, closes his eyes, brings his vast psionic powers to bear. No, wait, now it's just in Bryan Singer X-colors. Let's try that one more time.]

... There. [Red and black for the first and only Genoshan inhibitor collar Deadpool custom.] Does it now meet your standards?

Edited 2016-12-11 05:00 (UTC)

I will, thanks, and it'll be great and I'll be the most popular guy on this asteroid.

Well first of all I can't die and second all fuck you Exodus. Maybe if you'd boned someone before you'd know.

[Goddamnit, you are not making this easier]

I was about to make fun of you harder. Good thing you chose better. By the way any of those punks out there rip on me for this thing I'm breaking their nose, letting you know now.

You might well be that in time. Avalon's denizens follow me, and they honor me. But they also fear me. You will be able to walk among them and be one of them as I never can be.

... You wouldn't understand. I have a duty I must uphold. A sacred vow. That must come before anything, even -- especially -- my own desires.

[Ah, Wade, as often as you vex him, there are times... times like now... when you almost make him want to smile.]

I do believe after how thoroughly you ripped on the Neophyte that they will know better than to taunt you unduly. If anything, many of them are curious about you. Your encounters with the X-Men and the Avengers have made yours a name many of them know.

You know you could totally talk to them and relate and not be a weird semi omnipresent source of weirdness here. Like be a normal guy. Say Hey Gretchen what's going on your hair looks great.

Look dude, just get a handjob like once, in your life. You can even just jack it yourself, trust me, you will not go blind or get hairy palms, I can vouch for that.

So how many of them are gonna piss themselves when I show up outside of here? Do I get a mask again or do I have to give them nightmares for the first few weeks?

(no subject)

no subject

This is a pleasant surprise! I was just thinking about messaging you~

Oh hoho~ That musebox thread is still open, cheri

Even after all this time? Now that I've got this guy's voice back I might just take that offer...

there is no time limit on musebox posts

is it because your boy killed eternity?

NO. ... MAYBE

Waaaa~ade.... /disapproving growl, laugh track

/Urkle voice DID I DO THAT

YOU!

http://tinyurl.com/zea4hfp

BEST SHOW EVER

i feel old every time i remember the last one was back in 2009

christ now i feel old

/holds u

IM OLD

shush, at least we're old together

OOOOLLLLD

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B4j8j9BIUAAPVeT.jpg

how dare you

playing ex means i have to dare ALL THE THINGS

EXODUS IS A DOER