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Nnnope!

Yes, exactly, thank you! That's just the sort of optimism I was looking for.

You, darling, are an angel. [Except that she is neither vengeful or bloodthirsty, so that's a refreshing change right there.]

*She thinks about this a moment, then shakes her head.* I'm an Endless.

[Nodding completely convincingly because that is definitely a thing he knows.] Right, right, of course. An Endless. As I suspected.

[Really trying to save face here because he's the Devil and he's literally millions of years old and he thought he knew everything there was to know about the universe but...] So, what is that, exactly? Just to refresh my memory...

there's A Me whO mEt A YOU but thAt's a LONG time Ago.

THe EnDLess are ENDless. In EnglisH we tend tO StARt With A d. nOt Like yOu, thoUgh.

I AM Delirium, who wAs Delight, who may yet Become DeLuSion.

Never. [Cassie smiles] Would you like a pastry?

Scared? Not exactly. [Here his tone goes bitter and a bit edged with sarcasm.] But I trust you won't take it personally if I say I don't have plans on making a house call down south with you any time soon.

Once upon a time the idea of you terrified me. [His words were hesitant, as if he was unsure of whether or not he should actually be voicing any doubts he may have had at one point] Though you certainly aren’t what I imagined you’d be. I always pictured more sanity breaking horror than... [He waved his hand in Lucifier’s general direction] This.

Is it as sweet at you?

[Ugh. With lines like that, it's a good thing he's pretty.]

[The hostility's a bit much, don't you think? It's not as though Lucifer wants him down there.] As long as you don't mind that I won't be there when that day inevitably arrives.

I think I have an appointment to have my hair done that day. Will highlights suit me, do you think?

[Did you just gesture to all of him?] Boyish good looks and eyes you could stare into for days, you mean?

As for the sanity breaking, that's what Hell's for so can we agree to hold off on that until you actually get there? Assuming that that's where you're going, of course. [A beat.] And assuming that I ever decide to go back, which, just between you and me, is highly unlikely.

[He shrugs.] I like it here.

[Cassie giggles] Perhaps, have one on the house.

I’d stick with the black. That’s more on message. [He won’t be there? Well that’s a bit of a sting to this guy’s ego. Color him confused, though— hasn’t Hell been waiting for the day he finally dies or forfeits his Faustian bargain for good?]

So you’re going to have me believe my soul doesn’t hold interest anymore. What happened? Too dusty?

Edited 2019-02-12 00:56 (UTC)

[It seemed more respectful than outright calling the Prince of Lies hot, ok?] I... Really don't know whether or not I should agree with this statement.

I'm assuming that's where I'll land in a few hundred years give or take. [He eyed the fallen angel before him as a sudden pang of resentment jolted him] I mean, I did technically sell my soul for my powers. Kind of a dick move having teenagers make that kind of decision, don't you think? I don't know which is worse. That, or student loans? [Give it a moment and he'll realize just who he was bitching to about this]

[Grins because yay, treats! Lucifer's a man of pleasure, even if it's a simple one.] Well, you know me, I never say no to temptation.

[He doesn't hesitate to scoop one up, practically inhaling it because, no, he doesn't strictly need to eat to stay alive but he's not about to let that stop him. With his mouth full~] Some people might think it's a problem but I - Mm. [No. Wait. He's too distracted and there's too much sugary, buttery sweetness in his mouth for him to bother finishing that train of thought.] Did you make this?

I do have that whole tall, dark and handsome thing down to an art. Good genes, I guess. About the only thing my Dad gave me that was worth having, really. [Smiling because he jests, Dorian, he jests... Well, sort of, but that's just a little of his self-loathing poking through his veil of charm so don't worry about that. That's for his therapist to get stuck into.]

[But, whoa, let him just dial his attention back in here. Souls and what now? His smile dims a bit, sinking into something that's a bit more politely confused.] ... I'm sure your soul's perfectly fine? [Seems an odd sort of compliment but Lucifer's going to roll with it.] As far as soul's go, I mean. I'm sure your is no worse than anybody else's?

[Is this what you want to hear, Dorian? Lucifer hopes it is because he's getting the sense he's being blamed for something. Again. But he's not entirely sure what.]

[Lucifer grins.] I'll take that as a yes.

[Nodding sympathetically~] No, you're absolutely right. Probably rates at about a seven on the Kinsey scale of dickishness, if you ask me. [A beat.] So, who'd you sell it to? Bet I could probably finagle a new deal out of them, maybe re-negotiate some terms? I'm quite persuasive when I need to be.

Ha, the Devil has family drama. Imagine that. Although I'd have thought Dad was a little informal for Him, even for you. [Have some...rude presumptions about your family being thrown about wildly, Lucifer?]

[And this is...odd. This isn't how he imagined this encounter going, or how meetings with Satanic figures have gone for him in the past. This person seems to genuinely not know what's going on, or to have any familiarity with his situation. It's hard to tell if it's genuine, or some kind of act.]

Don't mess with me, Lucifer. It wasn't cute before, and it's even less so now. Am I supposed to believe you really don't know who I am?

Considering His holier-than-thou attitude, I'm sure He'd probably agree with you. [But Lucifer's done with all of that bowing and scraping that he used to do, Dorian. Kind of the reason he was sent to Hell in the first place.] Of course, if He has a problem with it, He can tell me Himself.

[Slowly...] ... No, I heard you the first time. Dorian Gray. I'm familiar with your whole -- [Lucifer waves a dismissive hand at him.] -- schtick.

What's that got to do with me?

[If he weren’t determined to be hostile to the person he thinks Lucifer is, he’d appreciate that modest middle finger to The Man Upstairs. Team “God’s Overrated!” all the way, here.]

Not on speaking terms at all then? [He imagines it must make running into anyone from the more celestial side...interesting.] Family always is awkward, isn’t it?

[Here he hesitates, because the idea that Lucifer might not be who he thinks he is is starting to dawn over him.]

Aren’t you the one who, shall we say, signed my ticket in 1880? [Ticket to Hell, that is.] Someone’s power is keeping me young.

Sort of the opposite, actually. [Even if God wasn't a total dick - which He absolutely is, Dorian, of course He is. Let's not pussyfoot around that - He's really more of a doer than a talker.] I've been getting the cold shoulder for... Oooh, I don't know? At least a few million years now? Talk about a drama queen.

[As for the rest of his family, Lucifer's just going to side-step that little remark and hone in on Dorian, quickly shifting focus.]

Well, someone's - [Whoever they may be and now Dorian can consider Lucifer's interest suitably piqued judging by the glint in his eye.] - been royally screwed over. So, not me I'm afraid. I only make deals with people who'll hold up their end of the bargain.

You don't sound like you're taking it as much of a loss?

[That characterization of God earns a short, amused huff. Stop being funny when he's trying to dislike you, Lucifer.

Or was trying, anyway. He's not about to trust someone infamous deceiving humans, but Dorian can't imagine why anyone with the kind of power he's supposed to have would bother lying about a soul that's already a done deal.]

So it's not you-- or it's a different you, then. [Freaking multiverse, honestly. An awkward pause ensues.]

...Sorry, I guess.

What's a bit of eternal abandonment between family, eh? [He says it a little too casually, waving the very notion aside a little too quickly for it not to be noticeable.] I'll get over it. Let's get back to your issue, shall we?

My guess? [Assuming Dorian wants his two cents here because who wouldn't? If anyone's going to be an expert on people pretending to be him, it's going to be the Devil himself.] Probably just an uppity demon with a fetish for Devil worship and, believe you me, there are plenty of those knocking around.

Trust me, if it's not you, we don't have an issue. Call it a case of mistaken identity.

Sounds perfectly gauche. [A cheap knockoff holding his soul isn't as grand or dramatic as the idea of it being the Devil itself. It's a petty thing to be bothered by, but he is.] And you aren't bothered by people aping your style and doing your job?

[That smile Lucifer's been clinging to for dear life wilts at that. Not this tired old line again.] Bartering for people's immortal souls, helping them to commit sins and dragging them to Hell, you mean? Someone might have taken it upon themselves to make that their job but it certainly isn't mine.

I mean -- [Scoffing because he's momentarily at a loss for words.] -- Honestly, it baffles me how I even got this stupid reputation in the first place, as if I nothing better to do with my time.

[He huffs a long-suffering sigh and, rolling his eyes, pins that tight smile back in place, however strained it must appear.] But to answer your question, yes, it bothers me tremendously. Which is why when I find the creature responsible I'll be sure to flay the flesh from its bones, alright?

[Dorian's eyebrows rise. He's not sure what he's hearing. Is this...buyer's remorse?]

Are you genuinely incredulous as to why humanity sees you the way it does, or is this venting? If it's the former, you haven't been paying attention, but if it's the latter, I'll suggest washing it down with a stiff drink or three. That usually does it for me.

Reputations are never the full picture of the person they're about. [As someone else who frequently gets reduced to his worst habits in modern media, Dorian gets it.]

All things considered, though, the flaying is appreciated. Bonus points for salting and burning the pieces after.

Oh, believe me, I'm not the one who hasn't been paying attention. [Just... Well. All of humanity, really, or so Lucifer would have him believe. He even opens his mouth to say much but it's clear by the look on Dorian's face that he isn't about to find a sympathetic ear to his ranting. So, he promptly changes tact.]

[What was that about a stiff drink? Lucifer's suddenly aware of the weight of his hipflask sitting in the inside pocket of his jacket. He considers reaching for it and... Does just that because, hell, why not? Who's Dorian to judge?] Supernatural metabolism sort of gets in the way but I appreciate the sentiment.

[A swig.] Not that it stops me from trying. [Were he human, he'd be a certified alcoholic.]

Consider it a done deal. [Poor choice of words?] Assuming you're ready to make another one of those. [Ah, no, just getting a dig in. He doesn't appreciate your skepticism, Dorian.]

[People make their own beds with their deeds, as far as he's concerned. If gaining an unfair reputation is a consequence of it? So be it. Dorian does understand, though, the annoyance and inanity that is being painted with a broad brush.

He tilts his head slightly when Lucifer does, in fact, follow his snarky advice and take a drink.]

You don't get any effect from it, or it only lasts for a short time?

Ha. [Beat.] I get the feeling you'd enjoy dealing some pain to an imposter as much as I'd appreciate knowing that the being that did this to me got a taste of its own medicine. [He smiles, pretty and charming, but his eyes are cold.] Taking out the trash is a public good.

Edited 2019-02-18 01:14 (UTC)

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ngl I was jazzed to see this tag in my inbox

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oooh gosh, hope i don't disappoint point~~~ :3

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Impossible :]

oh stop it you :333

<3!!!

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