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And yet... still amused.

[A slow frown, followed by a pout.]

Come on, mate, that's not fair. The internet is hard for me. Don't need to laugh at me as I give it a go.

I’m laughing because this is the first time you’re “giving it a go”. The web just turned 30. There is literally a toddler right there with a tablet. [And there actually is a three year old internet aficionado.]

You try missing the first 25 years that the internet was around and then tell me it's easy. Humans managed a lot after 1986 that I have to catch up on.

[Note the sulking as he pointedly avoids looking at the small child. Tablets and smart phones are hard, dammit!]

The least you could do is show me how to use this app. All I wanted was a pizza and this process is entirely too complicated.

[Suuuuuulk. Toby's lack of pizza is making him exceptionally annoyed by all this.]

[Klaus takes the invitation, invades his personal space by reaching over him, and completes his order.] All you had to do was ask.

[Well hello sailor. Toby's a little too distracted by all the goings on with the pizza app to appreciate Klaus being so bold.]

...can you teach me to do that? Like, really teach me so I can do it when you're not around?

[Pizza is important okay.]

It’s super easy. You hit that icon to find the deals. Tap the one you want. Then it going to pop-up everything that comes with that deal and you tap it to add toppings. See all the tabs up top. Crust, sauce, cheeses, meats and veggies. Once you picked everything, add to cart. And at the end you tap the little shopping cart in the corner and put your card number in. Scroll scroll scroll. Hit checkout.

[Klaus looks at him.] You don’t got it do you?

[There's lots of nodding and noises that make it sound like Toby gets it, but that last question gets a cheeky grin.]

Not one bit. Well, I mean, deciding on what I want is easy enough and opening the app is fine, but there's so many things happening after that. How do you know which buttons to push? Or how far to push the menu to get to what you want?

[Oh Toby... they're not even actual buttons. Come on.]

[He’s the cutest ever. Klaus chuckles.] It’s just a screen. Like a tv only this one can like... read your heat signature. Okay, so I don’t know how that part works. Science is fucking magic but the screen knows your finger is there so it can tell what you picked.

...oh Hell. So that's my problem with this damn thing?

[Sigh. Capacitance is difficult when you're cold blooded.]

What if the screen doesn't realize I'm touching it? I only get about half the pushes and I've broken ...a few of them when I couldn't figure out the problem.

I get like that sometimes too. Shit circulation. Just get a stylus. [He pulls out his phone to show him.] The little pen thing reads like a finger. There are gloves too. So you can still play on your phone in freezing temperatures. I used to have a pair like that my sister bought me but I lost them. [More like trades them.]

[Those gloves won't do anything for Toby, but the stylus... That has potential.]

Where d'you pick up one of those stylus things? I'm going to need one sooner than later so I can play Candy Crush and not lose to the damn timer.

[And instead lose because he sucks at it. But... details!]

[Klaus just gives him his. Just like that.] I found [“found”] this one. I think mine is back home somewhere.I don’t know where you buy them though. Maybe a phone store?

[Whoa. Whoa. Just like that?? Add another reason for why Toby likes this guy so much already.

The "finding" part is also good.]

I can't believe they have entire stores devoted to phones. [He chuckles.] The best I remember from the 80's is Tandy Electronics.

[Games stores don't count, because, well, video games are quite distracting.]

You had to be what? A Toddler then? Maybe? Besides, phones are more important than cars now. They should totally have their own stores.

Little older than that, mate. A couple centuries older, actually.

[What. Klaus helped him with pizza. Toby thinks that's more than reason enough to drop the metaphorical bomb about his age casually.]

I suppose you're right about phones being more important than cars, though. The tube system and those car apps on phones makes getting around a hell of a lot easier.

[He'll totally get the lingo down someday. Just... not today.]

[Klaus snorted.] Right. There's no way you're over 40.

So you can use Uber but you can't order a pizza?

You'd be surprised how old someone like me can get when they go out of their way to stay alive.

[If Klaus didn't really notice the cold skin when he grabbed Toby's phone earlier, he's sure to notice the fangs that hang over his lips as he grins now.]

Not really? I mean, I've made it work once or twice before, but always with the help of a... kind stranger.

[No he hasn't used his vampiric powers of persuasion to get someone to order him a car in the past. Really.]

I have no idea what you're talking about. [And he really didn't. Partly because he'd never met a vampire before (to his knowledge) but also because he has a pretty small attention span and was now flipping through Toby's pictures. Why would you let him play with your phone?]

You mean I'm not the only one! [He gasped dramatically.]

[Okay, so, subtlety is apparently about to go out the window in 3, 2...]

I'm a vampire.

[He'll let that sit for a minute while Klaus digs through is phone. It's mostly pictures of the various scotches and bourbons he's tried at bars, and a few "to die for" pizzas and desserts. There's a few blurry shots of various gardens at night as well, but they're the rarity in his photo album.]

Sometimes you just need someone else to do it for you. [Toby chuckles.] I'll get the hang of it eventually. That stylus should help a lot.

[Klaus just laughs for a second especially when Toby looked serious. Then he saw the teeth.] What is this? Like a cosplay thing?

Glad I could be of service. [He gives a little bow and sits down like he was invited.]

[Toby blinks, nonplussed. That's not the usual reaction he gets when he drops this news on someone.]

...did the cold hands not give it away? [He reaches out and touches the back of one of Klaus' hands with his own now that the man has sat down.]

I'm afraid I'm one of those monsters you've heard about in all the stories. But I don't sparkle. [Goddamn Twilight. Ugh.]

[Klaus snorts and rubs the back of the other man’s hand to warm him up.] Nice try. You already told me about your bad circulation. It’s not even the coldest hands I’ve ever felt. Seriously though, is this for like comic con?

What? No. I just am one, dammit.

[He's taking his hand back now, thanks. How the hell is Klaus not getting this? What is happening is he dreaming???]

Please don't tell me I need to bite you to prove this. I rather think that would put a damper on our relationship.

Sure. [Have a wink, Toby.]

[Klaus leans back and puts his feet on the table.] Fair warning. I bite back. [Snaps his teeth.]

[WHAT IS HAPPENING.]

Oh for God's-- Fine. But remember that you asked for this.

[Toby shifts around the table at an inhuman speed, chair and all, and takes hold of Klaus' wrist. His grip is loose, but there's an added strength that wasn't there before when he touched Klaus. He gives the other man one last chance to pull back by hesitating with his lips mere inches from the wrist in his hands.]

This is going to be painful for a moment, but I'm told there's a hell of a high that follows. My last boyfriend described it as everything in the world sharpening the way it does when on various narcotics.

[He didn’t even blink and Toby had moved. If the man weren’t already high as shit and used to time travel (not the real kind. Just the staring in space for minutes but it actually been an hour kind.) then he might have don’t more than blink a few times and turn his head where the vampire was sitting now. He paid extra close attention when he mentioned the high.]

narcotics? [He pushes his sleeve so blood doesn’t get on it.] Is it more like Fentanyl or herion?

[That's a surprisingly calm reaction to everything that's happening here. Toby can't tell if it's because Klaus is high or is just used to weird shit going on around him. Either way, he decides to answer the question before jumping into things fully.]

Heroin, from how he described it. I never got the chance to feel it myself, but he said it felt like everything was new, sharper, and...

[This part makes him hesitate because feels about his last boyfriend are very present still.] He said he could see the beauty in everything in a way he couldn't otherwise. Might not mean much to you, but it made this all the more addictive for him.

Sounds like heroin to me. [He looks at him expectantly then jiggles his wrist.]

Remember that you asked me to do this.

[Reminder given, Toby wastes no time gripping Klaus' arm a little tighter, baring his fangs, and giving him a solid bite. He knows it doesn't take much to get any normal human high, but the man was so interested in how it all works that he holds on for a few extra seconds. He draws slowly from the other man to prevent driving him into shock from blood loss and then releases him with an actually necessary exhale. It's impolite to leave any blood behind, so the vampire takes a few seconds to collect any drops left behind with his tongue before sitting up, satisfied and warm in a way that only comes after a meal.

He can't tell at first how Klaus is feeling from the bite, but he watches him with rapt attention as he enjoys taking a few natural breaths while his body decides to act human for a bit. Every person's reaction is a little different, same way it is when someone tries any kind of drug. What a new kind of high will do to a person is interesting every time.]

So... Believe me now?

[There was a moment of extreme pain but it was almost immediately replaced but the most intense euphoric pleasure. This wasn't heroin. Klaus knew heroin. He'd been in and out of rehab his entire adult life because there wasn't a substance that Klaus had turned down. Deep in his haze he wondered how he'd never heard of this.

He dropped his head to the side facing Toby and giggled.] You're a vampire.

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Sorry for the delay, was out of town for a few days!

I have a toddler and a full-time job. I understand RL comes first.

Oof. Well, I'm glad you threw Klaus at my grumpy, pizza loving nerd. This is fun! <3

This is fun! <3 Your boy is adorable

Haha, thanks! He gets out of his cynical old man vampire mode for pizza and video games. XD

XD that’s when I get out of mine too.

Pizza is life! \o/

\o/

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I'm laughing so hard right now. This is amazing. XD

poor vampire XD

OMG this just keeps getting better hahaha

klaus is firm in his belief that weird shit happens but vamps are not real

That makes this even better. XD

Yes it does. Silly puppet.

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