sixwordstories | (no subject)

But um...I don't get drunk.

Ummmmmmm... you wanna get high then?

Ooooh, I've never tried that...but I'm pretty sure pot works. Who knows what anything else does.

For sure. I got some umm... some weed somewhere around here... that's a secret though, shh.

So not telling anyone, I just got let off the most heinous case of house arrest.

Oh man. You totally got to celebrate then.

So glad someone agrees with me.

People harshing your buzz?

I like to call them parental unit 1 and parental unit 2.

Oh gross.

That's the good part of not having parents. No one gives a crap. ~~Percy's not my dad, he needs to STEP OFF, srsly.~~

Pretty much.

I don't mind having parents, but they give TOO big a crap. ~~even if SORRY doesn't cover almost getting someone killed.~~

The smothering is really really annoying. ~~you probably need a fruit basket for that.~~

I don't care how old you are, you'll always be my baby...

Ewwww.

Wanna trade? I'll give you two for the price of none!

My no-parents deal comes with a really obnoxious ~~older brother~~ overbearing friend and psychopath guardian. Doesn't seem like a fair trade.

My brain parsed that as psychopath gardener at first and I was all "right on!" because truthfully? I am HELL on landscaping. ~~it's the hooves~~

Maybe I can throw in a couple of uncles...they have accents.

A psychopath gardener would be interesting. There'd be man-eating plants all over the place.

They're not handsy, are they?

Um, one's kinda spacey...or he comes off that way. The other has the girlfriend you think is hot so his hands are full of that. Which, yeah I don't want to think about.

A giant venus fly trap would be awesome. You could feed it stray animals. Or annoying kids. Midgets. Something.

I can handle uncles if they keep their hands to themselves. Blegh.

Hell yeah. I can think of some people who should be fed to a giant venus fly trap.

Uncal Tadhg and Uncal Rory aren't pervy freaks...Okay...Ro can probably tell you stories about pervy freaks....

We should make a list.

I really don't need to hear stories about pervy freaks. I get enough pervy freaks at work. Stupid cop won't leave me ALONE.

A "feed to carnivorous plants" hit list, yes. Clearly.

Stupid cop can be on the top of the list!

Next time he comes around I'm gonna tell him I'm gonna feed him to a giant venus fly trap.

I wonder what my math teacher will say when I tell him that...

"What is wrong with you, you crazy person"? IDK.

I'm sure it'll be another "MacEibhir, get out of my classroom" type deal.

At least you could fuck off then.
Or maybe he'd report you for THREATENING him, zomg. I hear they do that at some schools.

Oh yes. I'm a terror threat with my math teacher eating PLANT. Veggies of doom...

No, he'd just corner my folks at church and be King Douchnozzle. Again.

Hey, you never know. Maybe he'd think you meant a flesh-eating virus or whatever.

Heh. Gross. Jerk?

You're giving Po-Dunk math teacher (as in the ONLY one in the entire high school) a little too much credit.

Total jerk. And well, there's the fact that I hate math and am kind of a not so good student?

Math is stupid anyway. If a train is leaving Illinois traveling 60 miles an hour and another train is leaving New York at 45, who really gives a crap?

I pretty much only care if they are on a collision course and I'm stuck somewhere in the middle of the track and can't gnaw my foot off in time.

If you were stuck there I don't think it would really matter anyway. Not like you could stop getting pancaked.

But I could maybe have the chance to yell one last overly dramatic thing at the world.

You'd have plenty of time to yell... 60 miles an hour isn't that fast.

Just think of all the shit I could spew. And no one can hold it against me if I'm going to be smooshed.

I might start with telling people what's wrong with their fashion sense, throw in that no...grandma you can't cook, and spill whatever dirt I have on people so that when I'm gone they can have a wankapalooza in my honor.

Man, I don't know if I could be that vindictive in death.

If I was being slimmed between a pair of locomotives, I think I definitely could.

I think I would cry a lot. And make dumb speeches. And get rescued at the last minute.

I might have used up my quota for some of that already.

I've done way too much crying, I'd compensate with moar speeches.