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Can it swim?

Ya do, huh?

Land sharks are not a thing.

I don't know! Let's see! C'mon, Jeff!!!

[He grabs Jeff the Land Shark and runs towards a nearby swimming pool with the very surprised little creature. When he tosses him in the water, Jeff flounders for a bit, then starts swimming by paddling around much like a dog]

Yes!!! He has a Sharky Paddle!! GOOD BOY JEFF!!!

Yes!!! [Holds up Jeff the Land Shark]

Ain't he just the cutest?

Well, I mean, he just climbed up your leg and bit you on the butt so... [And sure enough, the doubtful man has a land shark attached to his ass. It stings a little.]

Would that be anything like a bound-shark?

Um...[confused mask look] Psst, your specific fandom vocabulary is showing...water that down to some good old fashioned Marvel speak! Not MCU though, I'm not there yet. Working on it, though! Soon I too will have Mickey tattooed on my ass as I do PG-13 movies for the masses!!

...Get it? "water that down"? Sharks? I know, that's pretty terrible even for me. I'm supposed to be more clever than that oops.

Yes, that was terrible. And I honestly have no explanation for bound-sharks except to say that someone or other is a sadist. I suspect the Dawn Machine.

Man...er...Woman...er...You know what, you do you and I don't judge...I got NO idea what you're talking about. But Sadistic Dawn Machines sound like a good plot for a comic book!

Bound-sharks are essentially what they sound like, as is the Dawn Machine. Why someone would force sharks into iron corsets is a mystery for the ages.

Oh! I saw a Youtube video about those! An epaulette shark, right?

[OOC: Because yes, there is a species of shark that can walk on land.]

What the Australia?!

I mean no, Jeff actually has legs, but still. Australia, go home, you drunk.

Earth has sharks with legs? Cool! Didn't know that.

Earth has basically everything, my dude. That's why basically the whole universe hates us. We are literally the dying vomit of a diseased Celestial.

I mean. We also have Nazi Bees.

You are? You do?

There are so many things about Earth that weren't in the pamphlet!

If I'm lyin' I'm...well I guess I'm not a fleck of a self replicating pile of god vomit. Which I am. Which is great for the ole self esteem, let me tell you.

Eh don't worry, this info only came out in the pamphlet that came out a few years ago. It's pretty new to all of us too.

Oh, right. That explains it. Mine's like...thirty years old. Way out of date. How did you find this out, anyway?

I read the pamphlet! Hold on, lemme see if I still have a copy...used to be, these things would be worth something someday and could put you through college...

[He pauses and laughs aloud]

JUST KIDDING!!! I mean, we used to believe that line because we were stupid kids, but it was never true...what's Spawn #1 worth these days? The cost of a slice of pizza in an airport?

(Hey buddy, you're distracted, you were gonna offer him something)

Oh yeah! [He starts digging through his bajillion pouches again until he comes up with a trade of the first story arc of the current Avengers run] There you go. Have fun with that. But not too much fun. I don't want to get those pages back all sticky. I know the new Ghost Rider is pretty hot with that SILF...the S is for Skull...but control yourself.

Edited 2020-02-18 18:23 (UTC)

Uh... is that what Yzma is? [ Realization. ]

[He starts flipping through the comics.]

Believe me, I'm not going to...wait. These are just comics.

[Why is this guy giving him comic books? Of course, he'd probably have picked up on the fact that that was what this guy was talking about, but it was difficult to focus on some of the rambling.]

Erm.

I don't know big guy.

But you might want to take a peak under her robes to check?

JUST?!?

If those are just comics, then what am I? A moderately okay but could use some improvement cosplayer?

Okay! [ Kronk no. ]

Wait... no... I don't think I wanna see Yzma's underwear, pal.

Well, if she's a land shark, you won't! Sharks don't wear underwear. Everyone knows that.

Yeah? Maybe?

[Mab agrees with the throw it in the deep end and see if it floats concept, so she does little to help the land shark other than follow Wade as he carries out his plan.]

That is delightful! [She finds a seat at the edge of the pool, clearly not afraid that the paddling landshark might decide to take a bite.]

[Jeff swims around and around, but seems to keep his distance from Mab. It's nothing personal - she just lowers the temperature of the water, and great whites do tend to prefer the warmer eddies. So she has no fear of being bitten!]

[Wade takes a seat next to her] Isn't it? A "friend" gave him to me because she's afraid of disappearing from existence. It's a thing.

[Mab doesn't even think about her effect on the water, she's just enjoying the feel of the water on her skin. She laces her fingers loosely with his.]

I have known similar things. I am sorry for your friend.

[The loose hand holding brings a smile to his face. It's funny how her closeness still has that overwhelming positive effect on him. He's had her, lost her, chased her, found her, lost her again, and reunited with her, and he'd do it all again if he had to. He loves this woman more than he knows what to do with.]

Yeah... [His tone is thoughtful] I guess you have. Gwen knows that if people stop writing her story, she ceases to exist. I guess that's true for all of us now.

But last I heard, she "realized" [He actually makes the hyper quote fingers] that she's a mutant. Retconned herself right onto Krakoa. She's pretty slick.

[Jeff just paddles merrily around, pausing only to dive and eat a toy on the bottom of the pool.]

[There is something grounding about the quiet moments. Deadpool, Wade, does not entirely fit in her world but he doesn't clash with it either. He is able to be hers without being destroyed by it, and she hasn't found the kind of fault that would send her away forever. She takes the wistful pleasure of the moment.]

Sounds like exactly the right kind of friend for you to have. Though I don't know that anyone getting to enmeshed in the mutant island is making the wisest choice.

[Her eyes follow Jeff, and she laughs at the dive.] I like him.

[Deadpool would always wish to fit entirely into her world, but at the same time that was very much a "Be careful what you wish for" kind of thing. Fortunately, that wasn't exactly the kind of self destructive wish that could come true for him, so he was safe. Maybe.]

Yeeaaah...they've all gone kind of Magneto over there. Thinking of themselves as being the same as humans hasn't worked for decades, thinking of themselves as being different might not work so well either. It's like a weird super powered sex cult over there now. Make all the babies! One of us! ...Um. Maybe I kind of wish I could join too. But I'm forever in between.

I just hope she does alright. She isn't forgotten yet, but it's real easy for her to fade back into the extreme background. Just look at Pixie.

Heh. He does grow on a person, doesn't he? [He looks down at his leg, which Jeff has bitten into, and thus looks like he has literally grown on him."

Modern sex cults almost always end in an explosion of death and violence. [A pause, because, well, Mab is aware of both of their more aggressive tendencies.] We do a better job of integrating those elements in a sustainable way. [She does not say that his being in between is part of why he is able to be here with her. She gives his hand a little squeeze instead.]

She found a shark with legs and got it to you. I imagine she will do many other interesting things.

[Mab leans down and gently touches a very chilled finger right on the sensitive tip of Jeff's nose. Nothing cold enough to hurt him, just enough to make holding on uncomfortable.] He is very charming.