sixwordstories | (no subject)

You know, not everyone realizes this, but showers are my LEAST FAVORITE thing.

I'm pretty sure everyone who is currently within a hundred yards would possibly realize that.

Out of curiosity, why?

Have you SEEN this janky body?

Oh wait, probably you haven't. Hold on. [He peels up his spandex shirt to show off his chest] That's everywhere. I'm constantly falling apart and regenerating. Now add hopping into a stream of hot water. You do the math for how big of a mess that makes.

Not to mention, hot water over the fresher nerve endings is...less than fun.

[Well, she takes that particular revelation with more curiosity than upset.]

There are shower temperatures other than hot, but I can see how the shower might be really uncomfortable.

Baths are still an option? Not cleaning yourself would cause some issues with minimizing pain.

[The thing about the mask is it's really good at hiding the way he watches her for her reaction, almost as if surprising people with his fugly is a go-to thing for him. One might say a way of testing them? Or is he just entertained by the results most of the time?]

All temperatures are a special kind of ow to a newly regenerated nerve, let me tell you. There's a reason babies scream.

...OOOOOO, that sounded super emo and dark, let me try it in a Batman voice. There's a reason babies scream. What did you say? THERE'S A REASON BABIES SCREAM!! I'm sorry, what was that? This joke is from the Dark Knight era, but it's still great. THERE'S A REASON BABIES SCREAM.

Honestly, that really makes no sense but it sounds cool. Babies don't scream because they're new. Or do they? Huh. Biology wasn't my strong suit.

Anyways, don't worry, I still shower. I'm used to everything hurting all the time. People forget that people who regenerate still feel what caused them to regenerate. Like this. [shoots himself in the knee] OW! FUCK!!! SEE? SO MUCH PAIN RIGHT NOW WHY DO I HURT MYSELF SO MUCH.

Babies scream to have their needs met or to clear their lungs when they're newly born. But that was about the heaviest load of emo I've heard in a whole.

To be fair, people in intense amounts of pain tend to have trouble controlling their emotions and impuls-

[And he's shot himself. That's a lot of blood, and she steps in closer to act because why would she leave even a crazy man with a gun to bleed out even if he claims he wouldn't? Oh, and seeing what happens as his tissue starts to knit itself together isn't the worst.]

Attention, seems a likely answer?

ARE YOU SAYING I IRONICALLY SHOT MYSELF BECAUSE I AM IN INTENSE AMOUNTS OF PAIN AND CAN'T CONTROL MY IMPULSES TO SEEK ATTENTION?!? THAT WOULD MEAN I'D--

[shoots himself in his other knee]

OH NO THE POSITIVE FEEDBACK LOOP OF PAIN AND CAPS HAS BEGUN!!!! [and he shoots himself again] ON THE PLUS SIDE, YOU'RE BRILLIANT!!!

I live in a cottage in the woods. There isn't much warm water and the lake in frozen at this time of year. I also live with a metro-sexual whom steals all the hot water.

[Well, this is both upsetting and unacceptable. She steps away from him.]

Cut it out or I'm walking away.

[Have an entirely pitiless shrug.]

Cold water still gets you clean and makes you socially acceptable.

...fine.

[He stops and tilts his head at her] But why?

Because you're clearly not going to kill yourself and I refuse to feed into a needlessly self destructive behavior.

But why do you care if I hurt myself more? [peering at her]

Because I don't like pointless self-mutilation????

Excellent.

Let me know if there's anything else I can do in the meantime?

No, you have done plenty already.

[He taps his chin thoughtfully with his gun. Now he's gone from crazypants self harmer to armchair philosophizing so suddenly it's like he turned on a dime] But is it mutilation if my self is already mutilated? Can you mutilate the already mutilated? Have I said the word mutilated enough yet to where it no longer has any meaning?

Yes. There is a difference between a cut done to heal and a cut done to hurt, and your attention seeking is not something that provides healing.

I dunno, I mean, more attention feels pretty damn good, like healing. And less attention feels real bad, like hurting. My book was cancelled recently, before my amazing writer could really get going. That's not healing at all.

...Unless she's trolling everyone and she's gonna kick it right back into high gear for me soon. I mean, I'm Marvel's moneymaker. Why would they stop shaking me? Cancel someone like She-Hulk or something. She's used to it!

NO SHE-HULKS WERE HARMED IN THE CRAFTING OF THIS UNNECESSARY AND UNCALLED FOR BURN. WE HAVE NOTHING BUT LOVE FOR THE SHULKS; WE JUST LIKE TO SEE IF WE CAN YANK THEM OUT OF RETIREMENT WITH A SICK BURN FROM TIME TO TIME. THERE SHOULD BE MORE SHE-HULK BOOKS, NOT LESS. AND KELLY THOMPSON SHOULD WRITE ONE OF THEM.

I don't mind, even if the cleaning should happen sooner than later.

I'll work on it.

Alright. Don't forget the nap. You look exhausted.

I have a 17 year kid that I'm supposed to look after. Kid drives me mad.

[When a giant boulder flies from no where to come smashing into the ground not too far from Deadpool, Cole takes some major steps back.]

I'm pretty sure that was just a warning shot, and I'm feeling less and less pity for tantrum this apparently is?