sixwordstories | (no subject)

That is not your actual name...

...Well. Not really. But...it's my...villain name.

That is the most ridiculous villain name I have ever heard.

Oh, come on! I'm sure you've heard worse!

No, no I'm pretty sure I haven't. I mean... Dr. Horrible? Seriously?

Seriously! Hey, I know big shots with way worse names. I mean, what's up with Professor Normal? That doesn't exactly fill one with a sense of dread. Or Conflict Diamond! Who's really going to get that without Googling?

Yes, but... Dr. Horrible. That won't intimidate a five-year-old. Besides, I bet you don't even have a doctor's degree.

As a matter of fact, I do.

Oh yeah? In what?

I've got a PhD in Horribleness! ...And chemistry.

There is no thing like a... a horribleness PhD! I have two PhDs, real ones. You're a joke.

It's what you call a catchphrase! Geez, seriously, a little thing called imagination goes a long way. At least I've got the real chemistry one. And oh, I'm sure you're so special with your two PhDs. I could do it if I felt like I had to. Which I don't.

I am, actually, thank you for finally noticing. Sure, whatever let's you sleep at night.

Dr...Horrible?

...You've probably never heard of me if you're outside of the LA area, but--yes, I am Dr. Horrible!

That's a really sucky last name. What exactly are a doctor of...in?

Oh, no, it's not my--not an actual last name. Just. Villain name. I mean, that would be a really unfortunate last name. Wouldn't get any business like that.

Oh, but, uh, right, catchphrase--I've got a PhD in Horribleness!

...O-kay. So you're like...some super villain guy? Oversized lab coat, evil laugh, eating the world's puppies kind of thing?

Uh huh. Is horribleness even a word?

MWAHAHAHAHA! ...Yes, the evil laugh and lab coat. Nothing with puppies. I'd probably kick them out of the way, though. If I...had to. ...Unless they're like attack dogs. I seriously don't have any protection from those things in this.

~~Much to the surprise of my mun,~~ YES (http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/horribleness), it's a word (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/horribleness?r=14). I wouldn't use it if it didn't actually exist. That'd just be in bad taste.

~~Nice laugh.~~ Hey, buddy, kicking innocent puppies out of the way is not the way to get attention! Seriously.

Okay, fine, you win. But why? Did you not get a date in high school or something and you're just...taking it out on the puppies of the world?

It's not like I have done the kicking puppies routine. Even if it's a generic evil thing. What is it with you and the puppies!

I like puppies. Now, if you want to go around kicking people I don't like, then hey, I'm your biggest fan! I'll even make a tee shirt.

Already done. I think there's some girl out in Oklahoma that sells them. So, you know, I've got fans. People I can totally kick. Um, although I'd rather be shooting them with my awesome rays.

And who says I'm not a fan of puppies anyway? Everyone's so judgmental about a villain nowadays!

Oh, just who I wanted to see.. *hi, sarcasm* What'd you do this time?

...Do I even know you?

Guess the guy who blew your last "heist" isn't memorable.... huh. *REALIZATION DAWNS*

...Oh. Nevermind, was thinking of someone else.

...Great, now I'm getting confused for other villains. That's just...peachy.

Also, no, that wouldn't be memorable, thanks.

*laughs* Oh, I wasn't offended. But that guy was.. it doesn't matter.

Seriously though, you got me curious: what'd you do?

And why would I tell you that?

...Robbed a bank. I know that sounds really cliched? But the last time I tried that, things went a little wrong with my transmatter ray, so. It was partly for money and mostly to try out my latest and greatest creation thus far! Mwahahahaha! ...Ha!

*is still laughing* ..What's a transmatter ray?

*a beat* And what's your new toy?

Does he?

Where?