sixwordstories | (no subject)

You said it. I can't go anywhere without someone asking me to fart ... or sign an autograph ... or sign an autograph and fart.

Oh poor you. I just flick people off thats what I do. But then again you aren't awesome like me. YOU FATTY MC FAT FAT. WHO IS ANNOYING because you don't love water buffalo like I DO!

Man, I didn't know the out of character you was such a dick. Do you think you could just go back to being black again?

Nope. Sorry I got gay monk roles to fill! Gotta make a second of that thing. Well I guess being black wasn't that bad. But still its stupid sometimes people just look at me and stare. YOU know how it feels to be stared at? Oh... man... Jeff? I'm sorry. I'm just ranting here. Its the stupid paparazzi fault for this. They took some less the right full pictures and now I'm all on the edge. So whats up with you? I'm very borde right now. I'm twiddling my thumbs and doing nothing.

You're doing a sequel to Satan's Alley? I thought you were above sequels, being a fancy fucking crying monkey award winner.

Ahh, now that Tropic Thunder is out I'm ... ah ... well, it kind of came out that I got a habit, so I'm in rehab now. Thanks for asking, I guess.

Yeah. I"m because Toby is soooooo dreamy. Any who you want some visitors? I bet you I could rally a few of the actors to come visit you and annoy you. That coveted Benji crying monkey award is stupid. IT SUCKS.... I have about twenty of em.

Do you think your rehab center would mind if I marched out front with a sign that says "Free Jeff Portnoy"?

You ... you'd do that for me?

Of course I would...wouldn't you do it for me?

Oh, yeah man, totally. I just uh ... you know, I'm a little bit touched.

But in a good way, right? I mean, not like in the way Alpa and Lance...y'know what? Never mind.

If by good you mean non-gay, then yes. Definitely yes.

Good. Cause I gotta tell you...of everybody, Alpa was the last one I would have thought was gay. Now I'm just not sure about anybody.

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Uh you would? I'll be honest, Kirk, given the way this conversation started, I'm a bit surprised by that.

I would. I care for you all but Tugg. I refuse to give a crap about Tugg. But yeah I would. Because your the guy who told us well told kevin to tie you too a tree. Then you made the whole Alpa lance thign you just were awesome.

Jeff, that's great. Okay, maybe not great, but. Good for you, man. You don't need the... jelly beans.

Kevin? I don't get a hello? Thanks. Thanks... I"M NEVER talking to you again...

Thanks, Kev. I have a serious problem with the ... well ... you know.

Jelly Beans.

How hard is it to say you have an addiction to heroin? ITs one word. not htat had Jeff.