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There's something I hear more often than I'd like.

*gets shakily to his feet* Are you a doctor, then?

United States Army. I have some medical training, though. What happened?

*nods* I can understand why, then.

I just slipped over... I'll be fine. Wasn't paying attention to where I was going... thinking far too much.

I've learned the best course of action at some times is to stop thinking and just go with your instincts.

Something you want to talk about? I've got time on my hands and I'm never good left unattended.

*smiles a little* Got a lot on my mind lately. Amongst it all, terminal cancer and a baby on the way... plus a ton of work as usual... I'm grateful for what I have and don't want to sound like I'm complaining though. I've got two wonderful lovers, the best son in the world and I'm thrilled to bits having the new baby coming. I just tend to over-think sometimes...

Sounds like at least you're keeping busy. I've got a pain in the ass job that doesn't keep time and I still sometimes feel like I want to get on a plane with a goddamned rocket launcher. Or other things, but it's all shit I can never talk about or I'd bring the whole house down and I can't do that. There are certain things more important than what I want.

I know how that feels. *small smile* I find it helps to just take a breath and think of the good things for a change... of all the things that are right with my life despite the bad stuff.

Harder to do when you can't talk about it with anyone, though. I spend a lot of time having discussions with myself...which can never be a good sign.

*shakes her head with a cynical laugh*

Katie Cohen. Pleasure's mine, I'm sure.

I'm John Kramer. *smiles* Pleased to meet you, Katie... And I understand having discussions with oneself. I find myself doing that fairly often. There are some things I find it hard to discuss with Amanda and Zep, and Gideon of course is too young.

Well, most of what I do is classified, and the other part of what I do would get me discharged. Not to mention, I hate the hell out of it somedays. I'm playing the wrong game against a very worthy adversary, and we're both going to lose.

Playing hard games... something we all have to do at one point or another. *nods knowingly*

Yeah. But you think we'd both be smarter considering we're the best there is at what we do.

*shakes her head*

Instead, now I don't know if I want to slap him or sleep with him but I know I'm not about to walk away from him. Yeah, I screwed that up bigtime.

That's true... what I just did wasn't the smartest. *smiles apologetically*

I'm here, if you feel like talking about it...

Hey, we've all been there -- you don't serve almost two decades in the Army without getting injured at least once.

*pauses, before she forces herself to actually say it*

I slept with somebody I shouldn't have. I'm likely to do it again. We're also likely to kill each other.

That's true. And this person... is someone you care about? Despite the difficulties?

I don't know. Part of me hates him. He's a real piece of work; he was also my brother's CO at the time Matt died. We got along, then once I lost Matt, we started fighting. Now sometimes we get along, most of the time we're still fighting. Doesn't change the fact that he's still the best adversary I've ever had. And as much as we both know what we did was a mistake, we keep coming back to it. I slept with someone else the other day and he was actually jealous.

Relationships can be strange like that... it sounds like there's a lot of intense feelings there, some good, some scary.

Long history. He was my brother's CO for six years, now he's my CO. I used to blame him for what happened to Matt, until I finally got told what actually happened.

So... a lover who's also an adversary, and your boss? Quite an interesting predicament.

Mine is also interesting... I have two lovers, both survivors of my tests, one female and one male. They're also apprentices of mine. Not exactly a conventional set-up either.

*smirks slightly* Conventional always tends to bore me. I've been that way since I was a kid, hence the military school.

Ryan and I have just too much water under the bridge. We're in it for the thrill. The competition. Yet at the same time, when somebody tells you don't go to the Middle East and get your ass killed, it's more than just having fun. We haven't slept together since, but I have a feeling he wouldn't be that adverse.

*smiles* Once I lived a fairly conventional life... then I lost my wife, found I had cancer, and everything changed.

And you, do you still want him? I hope I'm not being too intrusive by asking...

I've always sort of been a pain in the ass. Matt was sort of my better half. I've got one person who can keep me in check. That's about it.

...sometimes, yeah. And sometimes it pisses me off, and sometimes I don't mind.

I suppose I can be a pain in the ass as well... but there's three people to keep me in check. I'm lucky, I guess.

Does he know any of this? How you feel, I mean?

I've got Falkenborg, but he's still in Georgia. Actually... *grins* He's probably raided my fridge by now.

*shakes her head* We don't talk about our feelings. We're too tough to have them, you know. *a dry laugh* He did something incredibly strange yesterday, though. He called me Katherine. No one ever calls me that.

Raiding the fridge... now that I can relate to. Plenty of people around me doing that. *smiles*

Something out of character for him, is it? I suppose I'd be incredibly surprised if anybody called me Jonathan. Nobody has called me that in years...

*laughs* It's so normal, it's kinda refreshing. I miss the big guy.

Nobody's called me Katherine since I was in military school. It's a bit weird. But Ryan and I don't exactly sit around and talk about anything that isn't business or one of us trying to piss the other one off.

It sounds like both our lives are unusual, to say the least...

Yeah, sounds like. Sounds like yours is working out, though. How the hell did you ever manage that?

Which part of it - having two lovers, you mean? *smiles*

Or anything resembling a happy ending. *laughs softly* Seventeen years in the Army, it's usually just one battle to the next, especially if you're like me.

It hasn't always been easy... and I don't know if what I've got could be called a happy ending, what with the cancer... but I was just lucky to find Amanda and Zep. What started out as a working relationship just deepened, I guess. *smiles*

*chuckles at that* If Ryan and I ever get seriously involved, I'm pretty sure the world would end. Not to mention it's against every rule in the book.

But good for you. I know Matt always talked about settling down and everything. Me, I'm just not that type.

*smiles* Who knows what could happen? And thank you...

Settling down isn't for everyone, though. After I lost my wife I thought it would never happen again for me - I was wrong, happily, though.

In my line of work? And with my attitude? Doubt it. Very few people can tolerate me and vice versa. Plus when everything you do is classified -- three of our guys are married and I have no idea how any of them hold it together.

I don't know how I hold it together, but I do... and perhaps there will be someone out there for you, some day. I've learned to expect the unexpected...

*grins* Yeah, like sleeping with the guy you used to hold responsible for getting your brother killed?

Well, that hasn't quite happened to me, but... some pretty strange stuff has. *grins back*

Isn't that the best part, though? I mean, the rest of it just gets so boring.

*with a slightly mischievious look in her eyes*

I'll admit it. If I wanted to play it safe, I would have avoided this whole situation and gone back to Maryland, but I wanted the truth and I'll admit it...I'm attracted to the wrong guy. But it's a feeling you don't get from going to the supermarket or something mundane.

Are you okay?